You know that saying, "Reach out and touch someone?" My Auntie Blossom must have heard it somewhere 'cause she has really taken it to heart. You might say, she has a bit of a wayward paw. You might even say, she has a bit of a wayward claw.
The peeps will be sitting on the couch in the family room with Blossom lying next to one of them. Well, when my auntie decides she needs a little attention, she'll reach out and touch whomever is closest to her. Either peep will do. She's not too picky 'bout that sort of thing.
First comes the touch of the paw. Then comes the claw. Just one claw. Just one, razor sharp claw. Goes right through clothing and into skin. My auntie's claw never fails her. Gets a peeps attention instantly. It's faster than a speedin' bullet. My gosh, it might even be faster than the speed of light!
The peeps, of course, aren't too thrilled 'bout this means of gettin' their attention. They say it hurts. Also does a real doozy on the clothing, I am told. You see, sometimes Blossom pulls back her paw without pullin' back the claw. Just kinda sticks in the fabric of the clothes. Well... stuff happens, I suppose. Yeah... stuff happens.
Now, I have to say something in my auntie's defence. It really isn't Blossom's fault if her claw hurts a peep or damages their clothing. Nope. If she did that to me, it wouldn't hurt one bit. Do you know why? 'Cause I've got a fur coat, of course. If the peeps had the sense to grow some fur on their arms and legs and backs and whatnot, there would be no problem. It's not Blossom's fault they're bald everywhere but the tops of their heads. Not Blossom's fault at all!
Perhaps the peeps realise that any and all problems caused by the claw are really problems of their own making. I say this 'cause Blossom never gets into any trouble regarding the claw. Never any trouble at all. Of course, my auntie does have one of those faces. You know the ones. Those big ol' innocent eyes get even bigger and wider than normal and look all pleading and whatnot. She begs for attention. She looks like she hasn't had any attention in years and years and years. It's practically a look of desperation. It's a look of desperate begging, for sure!
Actually, if I'm being honest - and I always am, my Auntie Blossom looks a little like a basset hound. Yeah, my auntie who is most definitely a cat, looks a whole lot like a basset hound... and that would be a dog. She doesn't have the ears to pull off a basset hound though. But, I bet, if you stuck a pair of long hound dog costume ears on her, you'd be pretty hard pressed to tell the difference.
The peeps never raise their voices to her when Blossom gives them the claw. Nope. They just gently disentangle the claw from their clothing and, sometimes, skin.
It's really quite funny to watch, you know. I've spent many an hour being amused by the peeps and claw. A peep will be sitting there and then, all of a sudden, they make this funny kind of face. All screwed up and whatnot. Sometimes you'll hear a bit of a squeal, too. Especially if the first peep is involved. It's not a squeal of delight or anything. More like a squeal of pain, I should think. Then comes the disentanglement of the claw and clothing bit. Yeah, I know... so far it hasn't been too funny. The comedy routine comes next.
The peep in question will then give my auntie the attention she wants. Blossom is quite partial to chin scritches and tummy rubs so she usually gets those. The attention will continue for a few minutes and then the peep will stop. Then you wait. Five, four, three, two, one.... CLAW!!! Hehehe... Happens every time. It's like clockwork. And this can happen like, seven, eight, nine, even ten times an hour. It's like the peeps can't grasp the concept. The concept that if they stop paying attention to my auntie, she's gonna give them the claw. They just don't seem to understand that if they don't want the claw, they've gotta keep up with the tummy rubs. The answer is as clear as day. As clear as a sunny day with no cloud cover and excellent visibility for miles and miles and miles. Don't know why the peeps can't figure it out.
But I'll tell you who has figured it out. That would be my sister Tobias. She, just like my Auntie Blossom, has razor sharp claws. Kitten like claws. She has seen how Blossom gets extra attention and has worked up a little scheme of her own. When she wants a peep's attention, Toby will now give them the claw, too. She doesn't have Blossom's desperate begging look of a basset hound goin' for her but she does have her irresistible kittenish charm. She's not a young kitten anymore or anything. She just looks like one. She's really small and has a kittenish figure. Anywho... when Toby gives them the claw, she doesn't get into any trouble, either. She knows that neither of our peeps would ever yell at a kitten... even if that kitten is actually a full-grown cat in disguise.
I never give the peeps the claw. Maybe I should. Seems to work for my auntie and my sister. Hmmm... might give it a try, one day. See what it gets me. Might get me some extra chin scritches. Oohhh.... I like those! Who am I kidding... I love 'em! Yeah... just might give that ol' claw a try. I'll let you know what happens, when I do.