So peep #1 comes back from getting the mail Monday toting a parcel. But I have to tell you, I'm not sure how I feel about this particular parcel.
Firstly, the parcel was NOT a box. Boxes are good. Almost all boxes are good. Very rarely does one ever come across a box that isn't good. Sure, it can happen but it doesn't happen very often. Boxes are just made to be good, I think. Yup... just made good. But as I said, this parcel was not a box. Strike number one.
Secondly, on the front of the parcel, was a name... and it wasn't Nerissa! Could you believe it? You'd think that with my having this blog and all, once in a while, someone might send a parcel to me! But oh no... this parcel - as usual - was for the peep. Had her name on the front of it and everything. Strike number two.
Thirdly, when the peep opened up her parcel... her padded envelope - yeah, envelope as in not a box - out came a book. The peep was all excited and whatnot. She didn't jump up in the air and do a three-sixty before landing, like I do when I'm really excited, but I could tell she was pretty pleased to receive this particular book. You might even say she was pleased as punch. Nip punch, perhaps.
Anywho... I took a closer look at this book and said to myself, "Oh no! Not another cookbook! Not another one of those Gooseberry Patch cookbooks!" You see, the peep just loves her Gooseberry Patch cookbooks. I'm not allowed to sit on them or anything. Other books, I'm allowed to sit upon, lie upon, pretty much do anything I want upon but Gooseberry Patch cookbooks? If I should happen to breath upon one of them, the peep will freak. I'm not a cat who appreciates such limitations being placed upon me. Nope, I don't appreciate limitations one bit. And I could just tell that with this book being a Gooseberry Patch cookbook, there would be limitations coming my way. Strike number three.
Okay, I have to admit. It's a really pretty cookbook and all. It's called The Christmas Table, or something like that. I'm all for Christmas so at least it has a good theme. I've got to give credit where credit is due, you know. But I've got bigger issues than this weighing upon my pretty little sterling silver tabby shoulders. Do cats have shoulders? Hmmm.... don't know the answer to that one.
Anywho, the next thing is that I'm hearing all about how in this The Christmas Table cookbook there is not one, but two of the peep's recipes. For crying out loud! I'm probably gonna be hearing about this for a mouse's age. Life isn't fair, you know? It really isn't. And just to add insult to injury - and I'm pretty sure the peep did this on purpose, the recipes are for veggies! That's right, not an ounce of meat in either one. Nothing to interest a cat whatsoever. One recipe is for Mushroom Pizza and the other is for some kind of Mediterranean Soup. No chicken, no beef, no fish... no nothing... I bet they both have onions in them, though. Yeah, the peep just loves cooking with those onions. CATS CAN'T EAT ONIONS! They would make me sick! Does the peep never think about me in these matters? Apparently not.
Oh, and one final little issue... no, it's a big issue, I think. Just who in the mouses does this peep o' mine think she is? I'm the author in this family! I'm the one with the award-winning blog and all. Sure, she's published a few short stories and whatnot but she still hasn't finished that stupid old mystery of hers. Haven't seen it published or anything... unlike my blog which I manage to publish twice a week... EVERY WEEK! Hmmph! She's trying to hone in on my territory, I think. And you know how we cats feel about our territories. I'm gonna have to do something about this. Gonna have to do something mighty quick.
Peep #1, you're on notice... three strikes and you're out!