Wednesday, 16 December 2015

the law of inevitability

You know, when you live in a house with six other cats - not to mention a sometimes or rather, more often than only sometimes house guest also known as Nosey-Neighbour-Cat - things are bound to happen.  It's like a law or something. Peeps have got to realize this and... Well... Just get over it, I should think.  MOUSES!

Why just this afternoon, there was the sound of a tin falling down.  Well technically, the sound was not of the tin falling but rather, of the tin hitting the floor but you get my drift, I am sure.

Anyway, Peep #1 heard it first and said, "Is Nosey-Neighbour-Cat inside?"  Peep #2 wasn't sure but with the sound of the falling tin, one would think that he was.  Turns out, he wasn't.  At least he wasn't in the kitchen knocking things down.  That would have been my brother Rushton.

Yup, Rushy was caught in the act of sneaking some of my tuna that was up on the kitchen counter.

Not that I don't share my tuna with my fur-fam.  I do!  In fact, I had already shared some of that very same tuna with Rushy less than an hour earlier and had instructed the peeps to leave a little for Anderson for when he woke up from his nap but unfortunately, after Rushy got to it, there was no more tuna to be had.  MOUSES!

And what can we learn from this experience?  Two things, in fact.

Firstly, it is possible that Nosey-Neighbour-Cat has been taking the blame for a lot of stuff he might not have actually done.  Peeps hadn't realized that Rushy was prone to tiptoeing about on the kitchen counter, knocking stuff down.  Prior to this event, they had always blamed the marauding intruder that is our neighbour.

NNC has been known to deny doing some of the stuff for which he had been previously blamed but we all always thought he was lying.  Guess he wasn't.  Guess he was really just the fall guy.  Fall cat?  Hmmm..  I'll have to have a little think on that.

And secondly, we now know that the Law of Inevitability applies to us cats.  Actually, I already knew that but apparently, the peeps didn't.  Let me explain.

Basically, the Law of Inevitability states that stuff is gonna happen.  MOUSES!

Technically speaking, it doesn't state the MOUSES! part but really, I kind of think that it should. MOUSES!

Anyway, the thing is, stuff happens.  Stuff has happened, stuff is currently happening and stuff is gonna happen and when you live in a house with six other cats - not to mention a sometimes or rather, more often than only sometimes house guest also known as Nosey-Neighbour-Cat - stuff is BOUND to happen, for sure.

For example, the tin of tuna.  If you're a peep and you leave a half-full tin of tuna lying about on kitchen counter and there are seven, possibly eight, cats in the house...  Yeah, like a child could have figured that one out.  My peeps?  Apparently, not so much.  MOUSES!

Like I said, stuff happens.

But you know, whether you leave tins of tuna out or not, stuff is still likely gonna happen.

Christmas is just over a week away and we've written to Santa, asking him to bring us biff bags.  You know, those little knitted bags filled with nip that we cats like to biff.

Now as there are seven of us, you'd think we might have asked for seven biff bags but if you're thinking that, you'd be wrong on that account.  We did the math and taking into account the Law of Inevitability, we asked for twenty.

You're probably wondering why seven cats need twenty biff bags.  We need twenty of 'em because, quite frankly, stuff is gonna happen.  It's that moused-up Law of Inevitability, you see.

First of all, we decided that two bags each would be better than only one.  The Law of Inevitability states that stuff is gonna happen and some of that stuff might very well have to do with slobber. Yup, it's a known fact that some of my fur-fam members like to slobber on their biff bags.  Always nice to have a spare bag with which to play when your primary one is drying out, for sure.

So that accounts for fourteen bags but will fourteen do?  No.  You see, the Law of Inevitability states that stuff is gonna happen and some of that stuff might be that ol' Nosey-Neighbour-Cat honing in on our territory and wanting to spend Christmas Day with us, here at my house.  If that happens, we'll need another two biff bags so that NNC has a couple bags for slobbering upon, too. MOUSES!

Okay, so fourteen plus two equals two plus nine plus... five all multiplied by nine and then divided by nine...  Excuse the new-fangled kitty math, please.  They keep telling us it's easier but Mason says it's like the Emperor's New Clothes all over again and I'm wondering what addition has to do with sewing but all that will have to wait for another blog post on another day, I should think.

So now we're up to sixteen.  Will sixteen be enough?  NO.  The Law of Inevitability states that stuff is gonna happen, remember?  Stuff.  Stuff like a biff bag being lost under the couch or a burglar breaking into the house looking to steal all your bags full of nip or a fur-fam member peeing all over one because they think that will stop you from playing with it which it will but also stops them from playing with it so really, it's not such a hot idea when you think about it but some of my fur-fam members haven't quite figured that part out yet or...

Anyway, the bottom line is, when you know stuff is gonna be happening around you, it's best to be prepared with a few extra biff bags.  MOUSES!

And how did I come up with four?  Four extra bags?  That part was easy.  No new-fangled kitty math required.  I just pulled it out of a hat.

Seriously, there was this hat lying on the cupboard floor and...

Well perhaps I should explain that another time 'cause when you think about it, it's kind of weird that the number four was hanging around in some peep's hat, lying on the cupboard floor.  MOUSES!

But do you know what's even weirder than that?

Okay, neither do I but I do know this.  I know that the Law of Inevitability is gonna come in handy around here, this Christmas and that, my friends, is for sure.

Someone tries to climb the Christmas tree and brings the whole thing down?  Clearly, it was BOUND to happen.  It's the Law of Inevitability!

And if someone gets a little too nipped up and misses the litter box?  The Law of Inevitability strikes again!

And if more tins of tuna are knocked off the kitchen counter like snow falling in a snowstorm?

Well for that one, we might stick with blaming Nosey-Neighbour-Cat.  I mean, his presence in my house has got to be good for something, right?  And if NNC is not in the house at the time, we'll blame Rushy, NNC's new fall guy...  fall cat?  I still need to figure that one out.  MOUSES!

34 comments:

  1. dood...de fax that de naybor kitteh waz knot on de roof & it waz santa checkin de chimney versus hiz waist size.....and rushton did knot in fax eat de tin oh tuna even if he did coz oh all de stuff goin ON....proves without a shadow of a ground hog.....that ya knead 83,038 biff bags coz ya never noe when 78,055 of em mite bee faultee....coz stuff like that happenz !!!! ♥♥

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    1. YES! I TOTALLY agree with your math. I didn't account for faulty biff bags at all. MOUSES!

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  2. I need a fall cat myself, there's only so many times peeps falling for me blaming him for stuff. I don't suppose Rustons available, say on weekends?

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  3. NNC is a great resource Seville. I agree if they is the gist of your meowing. I know I wish I could call on his nosiness! I may do it anyhow. Mom won't know.

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    1. Nope, she'll never know. I'll back you up and everything. purrs

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  4. Lady says all your cat fun makes her want a cat even more.

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  5. Hey, you got that right, stuff happens fur MOUSES sure! Hmmmmm, I didn't know I was supposed to climb the Christmas Tree, gotta go!

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    1. Yup, you've gotta fit in at least one good tree climb, every year. purrs

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  6. Dat are what dey get for leavin tuna around!

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    1. Oh yeah, leaving stuff like that is just ASKING for trouble, for sure. purrs

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  7. I hope Santa brings you those 20 bags :) Maybe you could let nosey neighbor cat join the family, he clearly wants to be part of it and I say finders keepers.

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  8. Your human actually left an opened tuna can on the counter and expected it to not be touched by kitty paws or mouths? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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  9. Hehehe you always have some fun and interesting times at you house,xx Speedy

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    1. Oh yeah, there's always SOMETHING going on at my house, for sure. MOUSES!

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  10. Fall guys, fall cats, I don't know! I do know that you can never have too many nippy bags though!

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    1. Oh yeah. No such thing as too many bags of nip, for sure. MOUSES!

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  11. Fall Guy - Fall Cat - it matters not what you all him as long as you have someone ELSE to take the fall!!

    Hugs, sammy

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    1. Too true. Keeps the peeps guessing, for sure. MOUSES!

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  12. Hmmm. Only one cat here. Who do I get to blame??? Not fair. Not fair at all... MOUSES! Ceiling Cat???

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    1. You can always blame the weasels. That Weasel Syndicate is up to no good all the time. MOUSES!

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  13. You can never have enough biff gangs EVER!!

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  14. We always blame each other, but it's usually Truffle! MOL

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    1. As long as you blame each other, your mum will never know. Genius! purrs

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  15. You had me at tuna!
    Yumm-m-m-m...

    Noodle and crew

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  16. Hmmmm...that Inevitably thing happens here when my Peeps leave anything chicken on the kitchen counter...TKS is a total counter surfer

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  17. What was your peep thinking? Open tuna can on the counter? With you kitties in the house? Bwahahahaha!

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    1. I know! Guess she hadn't turned her brain on that morning or something. MOUSES!

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