Sunday, 7 December 2014

psst... CAT!

"Don't mind if I do!" I said, swipin' the piece of cheese out of Rushton's paw and gobbling it down, myself. "You're lactose intolerant, remember? Cheese contains lactose so you're not supposed to eat it.  I'm helpin' you out by takin' that cheese and before you say anything about my bein' lactose intolerant, too, remember that I'm not as intolerant as you."

I watched as my brother stomped away, angrily muttering about degrees of intolerance.  Then it was off' to the family room for me.  Time for a little nip mouse indulgence before bedtime.

"Psst....  CAT!"

"MOUSES!"  Yeah, seriously, right before my eyes there stood a mouse.  There was a mouse in my house.  He was looking at me in a weird kind of way but since he was a mouse, I assumed it to be his natural look.  Rollin' over, I went back to sleep.

"Psst...  CAT!" and I felt someone tugging on my whiskers.  "Wake up, cat.  Your assistance is required."

I opened one eye.  The mouse was still there.  I opened the other eye.  Yup, that mouse wasn't goin' anywhere.  Rising from my favourite napping spot de jour, I let out a big yawn.  The mouse cowered in fear.  Guess he thought I was gonna eat him or somethin'.  Instead, I just asked him what he wanted.

"Do you remember me, Sir?  Nerissa the Cat, Sir?  M1 is my name.  We met last year during all that nastiness regarding the great cheese conspiracy and those issues with the Canadian Cheese Consortium."

I nodded in recollection.  "Yup, I remember that.  You ever deal with that rat, The Big Cheese?"

"He's not a rat," answered M1.  He's really just a mouse like the rest of us although if you were to ask him, he'd probably disagree.  He does think rather highly of himself.  Thinks he's better than the rest of us, you see.  Doesn't realise he's just a mouse like you and me.  Well, like me," and I detected a slight flush of pink spreading across M1's cheeks.

M1 sat down and pulled out a ledger.  Pawing it over, I immediately saw the problem.  "MOUSES! That rat - I mean, mouse - is up to no good.  What's he playin' at now?" I questioned, although truth be told, I already had my answer.  "Take me to The Big Cheese, M1.  He's got some explainin' to do, for sure."

Just as before, M1 led me into my kitchen where space and time had morphed in weird and wonderful ways and the room that had once been the kitchen had turned into a great hall filled with tiny little mouse-sized chairs.  In each chair sat a mouse.  No, wait a minute.  Some of the chairs were empty.  I gazed around the room, counting the empty chairs.  Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen... "MOUSES!" I cried.  "It's true, you are missin' sixteen mice.  Now I just wanna point out that I had nothin' to do with that.  I filled up on cheese before visitin'."

M1 tapped me on the paw.  "Don't worry, Nerissa.  No one is blaming you.  We all know what really happened to the missing mice."

And I knew as well for I had carefully read the ledger M1 had previously shown me.  The missing mice had simply disappeared, one after another.  Some had retired.  Others, resigned.  They all had their reasons for leaving but after leaving, in order to keep the predestined balance of the Consortium...  well...  balanced, those mice should have been replaced.  Apparently, the great hall was experiencing a mouse shortage.  Who knew that was even possible?

I padded softly through the chamber, stopping where I could easily be seen by all.  I flicked my tail and accidentally took out one of the front row seats.  "Sorry 'bout that.  Room's a little small for a cat, if you know what I mean."  A number of mice snickered, nervously.

"Now bring me The Big Cheese," I demanded.

Several mice appeared before me, dragging a gigantic wheel of Gouda.

"Not that big cheese," I cried. "Although...  hold on a minute there.  I'll just have a little bite..."

The mice scattered.

"Not a bite of you.  Mouses you mice are a sensitive lot.  I'll just take a little bite of that cheese."

It was delicious.

Then before me appeared the mouse with the steely blue eyes and exceptionally long tail, otherwise known as The Big Cheese.  He narrowed his eyes and asked, "What do you want, cat?"

"That's Nerissa the Cat, to you, buddy.  We have to have a little talk about the sixteen missing members of the Cheese Consortium.  My question is, why are they missing?"

"You're asking me about missing mice?  Me?  A little ol' mouse?  REALLY?  Shouldn't you be asking your fellow cats where all the mice have gone?"

I lay down before The Big Cheese, striking my very best sphinx pose.  "Cats had nothing to do with those missing mice, my friend.  Don't try playin' cat and mouse games with me.  That's a game that never ends well for the mouse."  I let out a low growl and The Big Cheese looked furtively about the room, looking for somewhere to hide.  I grabbed him by the tail and held on.  The stink of Gorgonzola permeated the air about him.  He seriously needed to start eatin' more Cheddar.

"Now listen up, buddy.  I've seen the ledgers belonging to the Canadian Cheese Consortium and I know what you're doing.  Several of the cheese divisions are lackin' in representation.  I thought you liked appointing members to the Consortium.  Even goin' so far as to appoint mice who weren't even qualified to represent the divisions they were supposed to be representin'."

"That's true, I did.  But that was then and this is now.  Unfortunately, some of the mice I appointed caused some trouble.  So I thought to myself, why appoint any at all?  Things in the Consortium are going very nicely for me.  They're running quite smoothly.  Gorgonzola production is up.  Means of transporting the Gorgonzola are being worked out.  No one here has even tried to stop me.  The Consortium is working exactly as it should."

I narrowed my eyes and stared directly at the little mouse known as The Big Cheese.  "We talked about this the last time I visited, remember?  The Consortium doesn't serve you.  It serves the mice of Mouseland.  All of them.  Not just the Gorgonzola lovers.  Without equal representation, the Consortium cannot possibly work as it should.  It cannot and is not.  Somethin' needs to be done about that."

The Big Cheese narrowed his eyes and peered right at me.  Pompously puffing out his chest he said, "The Consortium is working exactly as I wish for it to work."

That's when I realised that what M1 had said earlier was true.  The Big Cheese had begun to think far too highly of himself.  He was nothin' more than a mouse and yet, for some reason, he thought he was the chosen one or somethin'.  Like he was better than the rest of the mice.  Clearly, The Big Cheese had gone squirrely.  I watched as he stuffed some more Gorgonzola into his mouth.

"Listen up, mouse," I began.  "I'm puttin' you on notice.  That's right, I, Nerissa the Cat, am puttin' you, The Big Cheese, on notice.  Either you make sure that all four divisions of the Canadian Cheese Consortium are represented equally or I will make it happen, myself."

"What are you going to do, cat?  Take over the Consortium?" and The Big Cheese grinned.

"It's a thought," I replied.  Our eyes met.  "If cats were to take over the Canadian Cheese Consortium..."

The Big Cheese tried to step back but I still had hold of his tail.  "Cats can't..." he sputtered.

"Cats can't what, Mr. Cheese?"

The Big Cheese cowered.

"Like I said, either you make sure all four divisions of the Consortium are fairly and equally represented or I will make it happen, for you."  Letting go of his tail, I turned to leave but not before adding, "And do somethin' about your breath, would you?  You're stinkin' of cheese.  MOUSES!"

"Mice," I heard, whispered in unison as those darned grammar mice of the great hall explained, "The plural of mouse, is mice."

MOUSES!

42 comments:

  1. lol mice sure are sensitive. And going all grammar on you how rude. Just say cheese lol

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    1. I know! I mean, I already knew that mice is the plural of mouse. MOUSES! is an expression. Totally different kind of thing. purrs

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  2. Well seriously, I don't know what those mice would do without you!

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    1. They'd be in a desperate state, for sure. purrs

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  3. That must be some interesting cheese you is eating Nerissa.

    Mom bean says the Big Cheese sounds an awful like the big cheese in the peep's govmint - a stinky bully.

    We hope the mice get it together! And maybe we should send you to Ottawa! MOL

    Sasha, Sami & Saku

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    1. I'm still hopin' for that Senate appointment, you know. I really think I'd represent Nova Scotia well. We've never had a feline Senator before. Just think what Canada has been missin'. #Niss4Senate! Tell the PM, today. purrs

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  4. Good job putting that mouse in his place, Nissy. :)

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    1. A cat has gotta do what a cat has gotta do. 'Nough said. purrs

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  5. Those ice are an odd bunch. I think you should have tasted them instead of the cheese.

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    1. They're just lucky I had filled up on snackin' cheese before meetin' with 'em. purrs

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  6. Nissy you sure told that Big Cheese...yep, cheddar does need better representation...that's my fav.

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    1. Plus, Cheddar is less stinky! purrs

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  7. The mouse was very courageous...and lucky...MOL :D Pawkisses for a Happy Day :) <3

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  8. Hehehehe, you sure showed Big Cheese! MOL :lol: Bet he's still shivering from fear... ;)

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    1. Got my paws crossed that he shivers himself right into fixin' this equal representation thingy but let's just say, I'm not bettin' on it. purrs

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  9. Well Nissy, I'm glad you had a little talk with The Big Cheese.....who does he think runs the show at your house anyway? Not him that's for sure! You have to admit he was rather brave coming close enough for a conversation with you though - if you hadn't been full of cheese already you would have had a mouseburger!

    Hugs, Sammy

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  10. Those mice are lucky to have you ! Purrs

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  11. You know, it occurs to us that these mouses are a very cheeky lot. Maybe you should take Seville or Andy over there and stir things up. :)

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    1. Oh yeah... SUPER cheeky. They'd totally deserve it if, next time, I brought a huge marmie brother with me. purrs

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  12. HAHA!!!! What a story Niss! I'm glad you showed that darn mouse who's boss!
    ღ husky hugz ღ frum our pack at Love is being owned by a husky!

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    1. Still unsure if these adventures in Mouseland of mine are merely dreams or, in fact, I'm travellin' through space and time and... MOUSES! purrs

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  13. The Big Cheese must think he is The Mouse King. Good thing he has you, Nerissa the Cat, to keep him in line.

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    1. Yup, a cat has gotta do what a cat has gotta do. I, Nerissa the Cat, never shirk from my duties. purrs

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  14. I think you got his attention Nissy ,mind if you need a paw give me a shout!xx Speedy

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    1. I'll let you know. I'm thinkin' I haven't heard the last of this cheesy mouse, yet. purrs

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  15. For some unknown reason the Staff has had to go and get something called "Stinking Bishop" and put it on a cracker and stick it in her mouth!!?? Her religious views notwithstanding, eating a Bishop whether stinking or not is poor show I say!!

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    1. Um... yeah. ESPECIALLY for the Bishop! purrs

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  16. Well Nissy, thank Cod you were again there to help out the Cheese Consortium! Hope that Gorgonzola breath ninny listens to you! Poor Mouses! (or should I say Mice MOL!)

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    1. In that case, mice. Hehehehee... purrs

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  17. You tell them just like it is, or else! They are lucky it's you...... Hum hum hum!

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    1. They sure are. Some of my fur-sibs might have spent that time in Mouseland uh... um... snackin', if you know what I mean. purrs

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  18. You are such a smart and cool kitty!

    Luvs,
    Rose

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  19. That big cheese is just asking for you to...
    Einstein: Timmy, do you think those three mice who me and Rumpy at...
    Put a treat in it kid, that is family business! Pay no mind Nerissa. He is a kitten after all

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    1. Mice? MICE? You had mice? MOUSES! purrs

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  20. Very Cute Nissy. Me members da story fwum this past year. MOL Hope yous havin' a pawsum week.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Lexi

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  21. Yup, seems that every time I eat cheese.... MOUSES!

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  22. Seems as if you've got some work to do to get this problem sorted out. Mouses! Ho, ho, ho, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

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    1. Yeah, 'cause that cheesy mouse wasn't payin' a whole lot of attention, I think. I suspect I may be called back in for more assistance. purrs

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