Hey there! Hmmm... Probably a little too casual. Scratch that.
How ya doin', dude? That one is definitely too casual. Plus, I don't know if he ever goes by the name, dude.
What's up, pussy cat? Nah, that's for cats. Not really appropriate for him.
What to do... What to do...
I guess this is one of those times when it's best to go with the tried and true. It's an oldie but a goody and, I suspect, it'll be perfect for this occasion.
Dear Santa... Yup, that's gonna work, for sure.
Dear Santa, Nissy here. Just droppin' you a note 'cause Christmas is right around the corner. You all ready for Christmas, Santa? Got your lists all ready and whatnot? Got any big plans? Well plans other than what you'll be doin' on Christmas Eve, of course. Flyin' around the world in one night is about as big as anyone's plans can possibly get, I suppose. Any plans other than that? Mrs. Clause doin' the big dinner thing with turkey and whatnot? Just you and the Mrs. or will the elves and their families be join' you, too?
Hmmm... Perhaps I should just get down to business and give the ol' guy in red my list. I should do that right now.
Bet you're all wonderin' what I've asked for, from Santa, this year. Bet you're all wonderin', for sure.
I finally got my letter ready to mail and it's a good one. Got my paws crossed that I've been a good boy. Good enough to have at least some of my wishes answered.
First thing I asked for is nip. I bet you saw that one comin'! I love the nip. Actually, my whole fur-fam loves the stuff so it makes the perfect gift, for sure. Of course, the traditional nip mouse is always welcome under our Christmas tree. I asked Santa to bring one for each of us along with a biff bag or two. You know, so that we'd each have our own. Nip mice aren't really the best things for sharin' on account of the slobber effect, you see.
I also asked Santa to bring a couple of those long fabric kickin' bag thingies with the nip. He brought us a couple last year but, unfortunately, they need replacin'. Someone went and peed on 'em. It wasn't me! Or should that be I? Anywho... I was not the culprit. I'm not exactly sure who it was although I do have my suspicions. Should have run a DNA test at the time. Yup, should have run a test before Ol' Peepers threw out all the evidence. MOUSES!
Next on my list to Santa is a portable DNA testing lab. Yup, I need one of those, for sure.
Did you know that when a cat calls up the RCMP, askin' them to do a DNA test on a peed upon nip toy, they laugh at you? Well they do. Trust me, I know. I figure that if I have my own lab, I won't have to ask 'em again. And since their lab appears to be somewhat busy - too busy to run tests on peed upon nip toys - perhaps they'll wanna hire me to do some testin' for them. It's worth a shot. Plus, I'll work for nip. Pretty good deal, if you ask me. Especially if one has a good supply of the nip.
My new brother, Anderson, asked specially for the third item in my letter. I really don't think Santa can make this one happen but I promised Andy that I'd ask, anyway. As some of you may have heard, Andy got himself neutered the other day. He's wantin' his boy parts back. Well that's just not gonna happen but, like I said, I promised and you know, a promise is a promise, so I added it to the list.
I felt it necessary to ask Santa to bring somethin' for the peeps, too, so I asked him to bring 'em some extra nip. The peeps aren't really into the nip but I figure that I can take any extra stuff off their paws for 'em. Yup, my fur-fam and I are willin' to help 'em out with any extra nip, for sure.
I know that Peep #1 would love some seed for some white-flowered plumeria on account of my ten-pin flowerpot bowlin' event not goin' over so well, last year. Well actually, we cats all enjoyed the event, thoroughly. The plumeria plants though... well... not so much.
Suffice it to say, the peep could do with some more seed for some white-flowered plumies but honestly, it's not that important. It belongs pretty much at the bottom of my list. Plants aren't actually required for flowerpot bowlin'. We really just need the flowerpots.
That reminds me. I should tack on some new flowerpots to my list for Santa. Did you know that clay pots break when they roll around on the sun room floor and bang into one another? Well they do. Trust me, I know. MOUSES!
What Peep #1 would really like for Christmas is a book about growin' nip. I've searched the Internet, high and low, lookin' for a copy of Growin' Nip for Dummies but so far, I've had no luck. It appears that this book has not yet been written. If someone doesn't write it soon, I'm gonna have to do it myself. I'm hopin' though that my lack of findin' a copy is actually due to it bein' out-of-stock or somethin'. You know, 'cause of its high demand and all. Believe you me, a book about growin' nip would be very much in demand, for sure.
And speakin' of books in demand. Have you all read Herman's latest book, Finding Mya? You all know Herman, right? He's my best friend. My best friend forever. You know, my BFF.
Anywho... Herman wrote the most amazin' book. It's called Finding Mya, he can't live Happily Ever After without her. I had the pleasure of readin' this book before it was ever published and, in fact, I even wrote one of those recommendation blurby thingies that appear on books.
Finding Mya is wonderful. You're gonna laugh and you're gonna cry. I know I did. The story is so touching and loving. But it has more than its fair share of suspense, too. It's a real page turner. Once you start, you won't stop readin' until the very end. Yup, it's that good, for sure.
I, of course, already have a signed copy but if you're lookin' for a great gift for peeps out there who love cats, a copy of Finding Mya is perfect. You can get a copy on Amazon, I do believe. Hmmm.. Where did I put that link? Let me see... Got it! You can get your very own copy of this wonderful book, right here.... Finding Mya on Amazon.
I wonder if Santa has that link. What if he doesn't? I had better mention that at the end of my letter to him. You know me, I like to be helpful.
But back to my letter to Santa.
So for this year, I asked Santa to bring my fur-fam and me some nip and a portable DNA lab. And a book on growin' nip for the peep and maybe some white-flowered plumeria seed if he finds any lyin' around at the North Pole. I figured that that would cover all my bases but then I remembered the most important request of all.
Well, most important, right after the nip. I mean, I HAVE TO HAVE MY NIP.
I asked Santa to bring loving homes to all the kitties out there who don't already have one. There are an awful lot of homeless cats in this world and the best gift anyone could ever give any of them is a warm, safe home with loving peeps.
But it really isn't a good idea to get a kitty right at Christmas time. And whatever you do, don't put 'em in a box and wrap it up. That works well for cartoons and stuff but NOT for real, live cats. MOUSES!
And please remember, there's so much noise and stuff goin' on in homes on Christmas Day. All that hullabaloo is pretty scary for a kitty. Best to introduce kitties to their new homes either before or after the holidays. And, of course, it's never a good idea to give someone else a kitty as a gift. Peeps do that all the time and the next thing you know, those kitties end up right back at the shelter after the holidays. So sad. So very, very sad.
So how 'bout this? A prettily wrapped-up box with a note inside, promising to take a special someone to a local shelter to adopt a kitty after the holidays. Wow. That's just about the best Christmas present anyone could ever get or give. Well... the best gift right after nip but you know, hard to top the nip thing.
So I'm hopin' that Santa will leave lots of notes under Christmas trees this year. Lots of notes with promises to adopt kitties who need homes, thereby givin' those kitties, the gift of a loving home.
But if you wanna beat Santa at his own game - and you know you do - how 'bout goin' to your local shelter before Christmas? How 'bout goin' to your local shelter today or tomorrow or sometime next week and adopting a kitty right now? That will give the kitty plenty of time to adjust before the holidays AND that kitty will have a loving home for the holidays. It's kind of a win-win-win situation. You get a new, loving family member and the kitty gets a safe, loving home and you get to beat Santa at his own game. You get to beat Santa to the punch. You get to out-do the great Clause, himself, by givin' the very best gift of all.
Well, the very best gift right after - or possibly tied with - the nip.
Hmmm... Beat Santa to the punch. I wonder if there's nip in that punch. Interestin'... Better add another win to that win-win-win thing 'cause a bowl of nip punch is a win for all, for sure. MOUSES!