Wednesday, 8 October 2014

they are? MOUSES!

BIRD TV: The Bay Window Channel was pretty active, last week.  There were some cute little brown birds visitin' the honeysuckle that grows by that window. They were after the berries, I think.  I didn't actually see any berries in their mouths but the birds have gone now and so have all the berries so, puttin' two and two together and squishing 'em around a bit 'til the numbers got crunched and munched, I came to the conclusion that the little brown birds ate 'em.  Ate the berries.  'Cause like I said, the berries are now all gone.

The bay window is in my office so I look out it, quite often.  For the last couple of days, I've been lookin' and lookin' for those birdies but there are none to be seen.  Not a one.  Guess they've gone lookin' for more honeysuckle in other cats' gardens.

Peep #1 asked me if I had seen the brown birdies yesterday or on the weekend.  She was askin' in a weird kind of way.  In such a way that would best be described as... suspicious.  I think she was thinkin' that I might have chased those birdies or somethin'.  The nerve of that peep!  I, Nerissa the Cat, would never chase a bird away.

I looked the peep straight in the eye and said, "I don't chase birds.  I just watch 'em on TV."

Of course, the peep knows this to be correct and was prepared to let the matter go but the conversation reminded me of all those ridiculous peeps out there who like to blame cats for killin' all the birds.

Both my peeps and I agree that those ridiculous cat-blamin' peeps are totally wrong.  They're totally wrong 'bout us cats killin' birds.  Their theories tend to be skewed to the point of bein' screwed on account of their cherry pickin' of facts and whatnot.  And facts that don't fit their theories?  Those get tossed in the trash, I do believe.  Yup, right alongside the cherry pits.  Hmmm....  They should be putting 'em in the compost.  Cherry pits are biodegradable.  MOUSES!

Anywho...   I was reminded of those ridiculous peeps and before I thought it through, I repeated to the peep, "I don't chase birds." And I followed that with, "I don't chase 'em, I don't kill 'em and I most certainly don't eat 'em.  MOUSES!"

That was the moment that Peep #1 chose to inform me of somethin'.  Yup, she chose to inform me that turkeys are birds.

I stared at the peep in utter disbelief before exclaiming, "They are?  MOUSES!  You sure 'bout that, Peepers?  I think you might be wrong on that one."

I shook my head, clearin' my mind.  I had to think about what the peep was sayin', rationally.  She wasn't makin' any sense.  This turkey of a theory couldn't possibly be right.  Birds fly.  Birds fly around the garden.  Birds have wings.  That didn't sound like the turkey I enjoy every mornin' at breakkie.  No...  the turkey I eat comes in tins.  Birds don't come in tins.  Do they?

A heated discussion ensued and, for the first time, in the history of the world, EVER, Peep #1 won. Yes, my friends, I have recently been informed that I, Nerissa the Cat, do, in fact, eat birds.  Who knew?

I sat down on my haunches and pondered the fact that I, Nerissa the Cat, had been caught in the act.  Caught in the act of eatin' birds.  And I never even knew.  MOUSES!

Then all of a sudden, I came to a realisation.  I opened my eyes and I glared at the peep.  "Hold on there, Peepers," I cried.  "Hold on one cotton nip-pickin' moment, there...  I'm not the only one eatin' birds.  What's more, we cats aren't the only species eating 'em, either."

That's right, those aforementioned ridiculous peeps who like to blame us cats for killin' all the birds have some explainin' to do.  Are THEY not aware that turkeys are birds?  Have they been deceived by the concept of the tins, too?  Or are they just skewin' their facts, once more?

Those peeps wanna blame us cats for killin' birds and do so in such a way that they make themselves look all innocent and everything.  I have long known that what is really killin' birds are things like lost habitats bein' stolen by peeps and the poisoning of the birds' food supply with pesticides, herbicides and various other words endin' in 'cide' which is never a healthy way for a word to end, if you know what I mean.

I now realise that the peeps who blame us cats for their own homicidal tendencies aren't just killin' the birds but they're eatin' them, too!

That's right...  peeps are out there, are eatin' all the birds.  They're probably eatin' them right now. MOUSES!

Well, not my peeps.  I've got a couple of veggie peeps on my paws, you see.  But other peeps. Other peeps out there who are not veggies.  They're the ones killin' and eatin' all the birds.  And they don't even seem to know it.

You know somethin'?  I bet the ones comin' up with the cat-blamin' theories do so, sittin' around their dining room tables, chowin' down on turkey and whatnot.  I bet they're sayin' stuff like, "How can we blame the cats this time," followed by, "pass me the turkey, hon, would you?"  MOUSES!

But it's not just the turkeys they're killin'.  There are the chickens, too.

That's right...  Once I discovered that peeps out there are killin' all the birds who are turkeys, I thought I should do some diggin' and what did I discover?  I discovered that chickens are birds as well.  MOUSES!

Peeps have been known to eat chickens.  So peeps out there must also be killin' those chickens.  In other words, they're killing even more birds.

I, bein' a rather well-informed kitty, have been known to watch a few episodes of shows featurin' cookin' and things.  I've seem 'em.  I've seen those chefs prancin' around, cookin' up ducks and geese and pheasants and whatnot.  And those little Cornish game hens.  I've never even met a Cornish game hen, far less killed one.  But peeps are killin' them.  They're killin' them, all the time. MOUSES!

Sounds to me like peeps are out there killin' all the birds with wanton abandon.  And some of these are the very same peeps as the ones tryin' to blame us cats.

Now I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' that some will say that there's a difference between pretty little songbirds and larger birds used for game and whatnot.

I'm thinkin'...   IS THERE?  I mean, really, IS THERE?

I don't see the difference.  A bird is a bird is a bird is a bird.  They have feathers.  They have wings. Some of 'em, apparently, even come in tins.

The biggest differences between songbirds and turkeys are all in our minds.  Because a pretty little songbird is pretty and little, does that somehow make it better?  Does that somehow give it more value as a living creature than a turkey?  When it comes right down to it, are they not all birds?

I'm gonna have to do some heartfelt, soul-searching, here.  I have never considered myself to be a killer of the birds.  Because of the turkey-in-the-tin factor, I was confused.  Now that I know that turkeys are actually birds, I shall have to admit to having eaten a few. And some chickens, too.  Might I suggest that we all do some heartfelt, soul-searching.  Yup, each and every one of us.

And I have a message for all those bird conservancy peeps out there who insist upon wrongly claiming that cats are killin' all the birds.  I'm on to you, now. All of us cats, are.  It's as plain as day.  You just want to get rid of the cats to leave more birds for yourselves.  You're just thikin' about your own stomachs, you are.  MOUSES!

Turkey, anyone?

25 comments:

  1. Mmmm ,,, breaking news! Peeps also eat cows, pigs, sheep, deer, fish, shellfish, and, in some parts of the world, DOGS! Oh, and so do cats, because kitties need a protein called taurine, that is only found in red meat, which means you have to eat meat every day or you can get really sick, get a bad heart, or even go blind! But don't worry, Nerissa, it's just Nature! Love your blogs! xxxxxx

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  2. I agree with you Nissy , me neitehr see the difference ! Like you miaow: A bird is a bird is a bird is a bird. They have feathers. They have wings :)

    XOXO

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  3. Yup, hoomins can be rather stupid, can't they ??

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  4. Oh those stupid peeps. Next time you catch on of those feathered things you should see if they can catch. Turn around slowly and flip them the bird.

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  5. Humans eat all sorts of things, including things that do environmental damage to the earth - and then they try to blame us cats for something that is not our fault! SMH!

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  6. All of us ,including our vegan Mummy and Daddy,say that peeps are hippocrittercal.
    (you may have to put that through spell check).
    The REAL Maple Syrup Mob xxxxx

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  7. dood.....we toll ya .....chcikn burd, turkee burd, quacker burd, burd burd...they iz all burd ....N they iz all stoooooooooooooopid......

    N de food gurl says knot ta get her started on de "cat haters" burd storee, coz

    9) her bee at werk & kneads ta due sum werk bee sides sneekin round blogger
    Q) de hole "cat haters" burd storee iz fulla $#!t
    7) noe thanx dood...we will pass on de turkee...

    fish ?

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  8. Dear Nerissa.Cats need far more protein than us humans so you need your meat.Why should you worry about eating turkey when humans so obviously could'nt care less what they kill and eat.I was so sad to hear about Auntie Blossom' passing,you must be all so sad but she had a wonderful life with you and the peeps and she was much loved.Without love what are we?Love and kisses to you all.XXX

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  9. I agree with you Nerissa, humans eat a lot more birds than kitties do. You have us beat on mice though- LOL.
    http://15andmeowing.com

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  10. humans are idiots, trying to blame everyone and everything but themselves. Birds are just fine as they fly and to fry lol

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  11. You tell 'em, Nissy. You're absolutely right, they're projecting the whole bird killing thing.

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  12. Boy are we glad you brought this up! Our human sister kept finding dead bird parts and pieces in her yard. She came home one day to find a HAWK was the guilty culprit. He is killing and eating the local songbirds in her neighborhood!
    As far as turkeys go - they are fair game AND delicious!
    MOL!
    XOXO

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  13. silly silly peeps! You stand your ground Niss!
    ღ husky hugz ღ frum our pack at Love is being owned by a husky!

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  14. What Brian said MOL!!! And Nissy my pal you are spot on buddy

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  15. you are right Nissy ! you tell 'em,xx Speedy

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  16. OMC Nissy dat's a good one. Weez not eat many birds in ow house. Mommy dusn't like chicken and only likes turkey a little. Lexi and me weally like da beef, so not much goin' on here wiff da birds. Ah weez'll eat sum evewy now and again, but weez much purrfur a nice juicy piece of meat. MOL

    Luv ya'

    Dezi

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  17. We have a human cousin who is a vegan, but we never really gave much thought to this serious moral question. We eat mostly dry food but on Shabbat and holidays, Mummy gives Us moist food out of tins, and sometimes it is chick-hen, sometimes fish or other seafood. But don't get Us started on the birdie question. Because Mummy shut Us all in her bedroom this morning, while the flat was being cleaned and because We weren't around to snoopervise, some birdies with what can only be described as colossal chutzpah, chose Mummy's newly-cleaned study window to do a whoopsie on! So now She says she's going to give Us a Free Hand with the birdies. But We don't think She means for Us to kill and eat them, just scare the cheeky blighters away ;-)

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  18. Thanks for the purrs and for Sister Zoe, we sure do appreciate them.

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  19. Oh, Nissy. Love this blog... Every time I read one I think it is the best. They get better and funnier and I love your topics....

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  20. Oh yes indeedy... humans are definitely bird killers... and so much more. Shudders... to graphic to even discuss... Have a good weekend all!

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  21. Nissy, you are so right. It isn't that cats that are killing all the birds and animals, it is the humans. You may eat turkey but not because YOU killed it, some peep did. Anyway, great post. You have a wonderful day.

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  22. Yeah, humans eat birds too! Mum knows it's part of nature but says we don't have to go crazy with it and we should appreciate that some poor animal got deaded so that we could eat it. Mum says you have a wonderful post today and really, what IS the difference between a songbird and a turkey. . . or a cow and a dog even? Mum says it's only in our perception. She works with a lot of people from other countries and they eat all kinds of different animals. . . some even eat monkey soup!

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  23. Our sisfur, Misty May, has been a very naughty kitty lately. She had been stalking and killing about one bird per day and bringing it through the cat door and giving it to her younger sisfurs to bat around the upstair's hallway and spread fevvers throughout the house. The youngsters don't get to go any farther than the Catio where they watch the birdies from sun up to sundown. Misty May had lost the bell on her collar and was able to stealthily stalk the birds. She now has been rebelled, and once again the birds are safe. Our humans DO EAT birds too! XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

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  24. Me iz sowwy ya found out da turkeyz n chickinz are birdz...it iz true...
    Iz allso true dat many peepz eat birdz too...
    Mum here iz hangin her head as me typez; she haz chickin wingz at da restarant last nite n now she feelz sad fer da chickin!!
    Mum sayz she iz guiltee n she iz sowwy...she sayz she iz like a kitteh; she lubz meat....
    Can we furgive Mum??
    She DOEZ eat applez n bananaz too...
    Lub Nylablue ;)

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