oh, don't be like that

So I was watching television with peep #1 the other night when someone said, "Oh, don't be like that."  That's when the peep told me how she just hates that expression.

At first, I didn't really understand why anyone would hate an expression.  Hate going to the doctor?  See that.  Hate being treed by a big dog?  See that, too.  But hate an expression?  Well, that's kind of silly. They're just words, after all.

But then I thought about it some and realised, the peep was right!  Yeah it happens...  occasionally.  I thought about all the times I've heard this expression used and came to some pretty conclusive conclusions.

This is how it always goes...  Person A says to person B, "Oh, don't be like that" usually, to belittle person B's response or attitude towards something.  But person B's attitude is almost always a response to something person A said or did!  Had person A not done whatever they did in the first place, person B wouldn't feel the way he or she does.  In other words, it's not about 'not being like that' but rather, it's about 'not agreeing with me.'  Person A should really be saying, "Oh, don't disagree with me."  But, of course, that wouldn't be quite so belittling, would it?  That wouldn't really work with that condescending tone that so often accompanies the "Oh, don't be like that" phrase.

So I really think that the peep is right about hating this expression.  It's kind of a nasty one, when you think about it.  But what is she gonna do about it?  If someone says to her, "Oh, don't be like that," she can't really turn around and say to them, "Oh, don't be like that!"  I mean, that would be a little hypocritical, don't you think?  You know...  'cause of her vowing her hatred of the expression and all...

My suggestion to the peep is that she always answer those words with, "Like what?  You mean, don't disagree with you?"  That should turn some tables, I think.  At least, that's what I would do if someone said that to me.  Of course, no one ever has said that to me.  Being a cat and all, I'm usually right about stuff.  "Right on the money," they say.  People usually just know not to disagree with me.  I mean, like, I'm wrong 'bout stuff maybe once in a blue moon but what are the odds that that one thing I say is the time I'm gonna be wrong?  The odds are pretty slim there, my friend, so it's best we just keep moving right along...  At least, that's what I tell the peep.  Hehehe...

I'm also gonna suggest that the peep become more familiar with the expression I created.  You know the one...  "MOUSES!"  Not nearly enough people or kitties are using it, I'm afraid.  I don't think I've ever heard anyone use it but myself and that's just not good enough.  The two peeps with whom I live - at least - should be using it.  I mean, it's a good expression, I think.  Short, concise and to the point.  Even easy to spell.  Just sort of rolls off the tongue.  I'm really surprised it hasn't been picked up by Websters or something like that.  Hmmm...  I'll have to work on that one.

Now listen up my friends, I am vowing this, right here and right now...  I will never, ever, NOT EVER, not even in a million years, say to the peep or to anyone else...  "Oh, don't be like that."  I am hereby boycotting that expression, in support of the peep.  And in its place, I will always use, "MOUSES!"  How 'bout you?  Can I count you in?

saving up my pennies

Yup, I'm saving up my pennies for a rainy day.  Although to be perfectly honest, it's a gorgeous day out there today.  Not a cloud in sight.  No rain today.  Guess that means today is a day for saving and not spending.

Actually, I'm saving up my nickels and dimes but the saying mentions pennies.   Who am I to argue with well established sayings?  The thing is, our illustrious Prime Minister that is you-know-who has decided Canada will no longer make pennies so...  I have to save up the nickles & dimes.  Maybe that's for the best 'cause I've noticed lots of things are more expensive here in Canada than in the US.  I don't know why.  They used to say it was 'cause our dollar was worth less but now the two dollars are about the same...  have been for quite some time.  Yeah, I watch CNN.  I know stuff.

Many of you know my good friend Sammy from onespoiledcat.  He's a great guy and he gave me the best of ideas.  He has a piggy bank!  In it, he keeps all his pennies.  Yeah, as an American cat he gets to save pennies 'cause they're still making them there.  Sammy is saving up for something special.  I'm not really sure what but you could ask him.  But I thought this idea of his was so great that I just had to ask my peep if I could have a piggy bank, too. 

It's funny...  they call them piggy banks but Sammy's is in the shape of a cat, I think.  And mine is...  A FROG!  Could you believe it?  I HAVE A FROG BANK.  Who ever heard of a frog bank?  Peeps says that's all she could find.  Maybe someday she'll find a better one for me.  At least that's what she says...  Maybe I'll ask Santa for one for Christmas.  I bet he knows where to find piggy piggy banks.  He knows lots of stuff.  I wonder if he watches CNN, too... 

I don't get an allowance or anything like that.  I've heard that some cats do but I don't.  I should have a little chat with the peep about that, I think.  Anyway, I needed a source of income for my frog bank so I put on my thinking cap.  It's not a real cap.  It's just imaginary.  You see, it's hard to find a cap with pre-cut holes for your ears.  If I could invent one, I could get a patent for it and that would be a source of income for me.  A really good one, too, 'cause I bet there are a lot of cats out there who would love to wear hats designed especially for them.  I'll have to have a chat with the peep about that, too!

I was still wondering 'bout a source of income when the saying, "a penny saved is a penny earned," came to mind.  Another saying involving those pennies!  Well, that wasn't gonna work out for me 'cause, like I said, we don't have pennies here in Canada anymore.  MOUSES!  Just what is a cat to do?

Anyway, finally, I made a deal with the peeps.  All beverages sold here in Nova Scotia - except for milk - come in refundable bottles.  I'm gonna let the peeps drink as much juice and fizzy water and whatnot as they like and they're gonna give me the all money they get when they take the bottles in to be refunded.  It's a pretty good deal I worked out, I think.  All I really have to do is not roll my eyes when I see the peeps reaching for another glass of orange juice or something.  I can do that.  I mean, orange juice isn't to my taste but they seem to like it.   Oh, and then I have to let them store the empty bottles in the basement for a bit while they stock up for the trip to the bottle bank place.  I can do that, too.  Pretty easy stuff, I think.

Of course, I'm gonna share this frog bank money with the other cats in my house.  We're gonna buy toys!  Maybe some treats, too.  Whatever it is, it'll be good stuff, for sure.  I've already got my eye on a little cat dancer thingy I heard about from the peeps.  Can't wait 'til I've saved up enough.  We've already put a few coins in there so it shouldn't be too long now.  Oohhh...  shopping for toys...  What fun!

do cats have knees?

I like to make daily inspections of my property.  I feel it's important to keep track of stuff going on around and about the place.  Make sure everything is in order and whatnot.  Make lists of jobs needing to be done by the peeps.  Basic supervisory stuff like that.  Occasionally I'll skip a day if it's raining and icky out but I try to keep a regular schedule.  I figure the peeps need my assistance. 

So the other day, I was doing the full inspection thing, starting with a perimeter check.  I had just sniffed around the primroses in the primrose garden - which, by the way, are beginning to look a little past it - before heading across the driveway and around the hedge.  Well, once on the other side of the hedge, I got a really good look at the front lawn and what did I see?  Perhaps I should ask, what did I not see.  I had to ask, where in the mouses was my lawn?

I'm sure lawns are supposed to be green.  Mine usually is all summer but on this particular day, the sun had come out and where there had been green a day or two before, everything was white.  For a moment, I wondered if it had snowed.  I remembered that it had rained the day before...  Perhaps the temperature had dropped and the rain had turned into snow?  I had never heard of snow in my neck of the woods in May but I suppose there's a first for everything.  It is Canada, after all.  There was white stuff all over the area where there should have been green grass however, in my experience, when the white stuff falls, it falls everywhere and not just where the lawn is supposed to be.  Hmmm...

I decided I would need a closer look, in order to identify this particular white stuff, so in I went.  I found myself wading through a sea of white.  It wasn't wet like snow nor was it cold.  In fact, it wasn't snow at all.  It was violets!  It was a massive sea of white violets.

The violets came right up to my knees.  Do we cats even have knees?  Bees have knees.  At least I think they have knees.  People talk about the "bees knees" all the time.  And this is kind of weird...  there were bees buzzing all around those violets.  Hmmm...  coincidence?   Anyway, my point is, the sea of violets was pretty darned deep.

Clearly, the peep has not been keeping up with her lawn duties.  It really is time for her to mow the lawn, I think.  I'm gonna have to crack the whip, so to speak, and get her back to work in my garden.  I see that that nosey neighbour cat's peeps mowed his lawn.  It looks all neat and pretty whereas mine is just a general mess of white stuff.  My peep is gonna have to do better than this.  I mean, I have a certain reputation to uphold.  I am Nerissa of Nerissa's Life.  Hmmm...  Maybe if I encourage her with some treats...  Party Mix anyone?

nosey neighbour cat

So I walk into the kitchen the other morning, looking for a snack or something - maybe some Party Mix...  maybe some Treat Temptations...  maybe a dish of cream...  whatever might tempt my taste buds at the moment - and I sense something is amiss.  At first, I couldn't quite place my paw on it.  Everything appeared to be in order but you know how it is....  appearances can be deceiving.

After my snack, I hopped up onto the kitchen table.  Thought I make take a little nap and since the daily paper was still lying there, what better place to nap? Of course, had the paper been open with a peep in the process of reading it, well...  that would have been a better napping spot.  But a folded up newspaper is still a pretty comfy thing.

I was just settling in on the newspaper, doing my three revolutions before curling up into a little ball move, when I stopped mid-turn.  I don't know what made me do it but at that very moment, I looked up at the top of the refrigerator and what did my eyes see?  Why, there was nosey neighbour cat!  He was on my fridge in MY kitchen!  I ask you, just what is this world coming to?

Nosey neighbour cat visits quite a bit.  Usually we try to keep him on the outside of the house but he knows where all the entrances are.  You never know when he might just wander in.   It's not like we cats can keep watch of every door all the time.  We try but we've got napping and snacking and other important stuff to do.  Usually the big doors are closed when there isn't a peep on guard duty but there are a couple of windows that peeps leave open for us during the day.  They're way too small for any peeps to use but we cats can go through them easily enough.  Even my brother Rushton can fit through them and he's a pretty big boy.  And apparently, so can nosey neighbour cat.

My peep says I shouldn't complain 'cause she's pretty sure my sister Tess visits nosey neighbour cat's house a lot.  Tess really likes nosey neighbour cat's mom.  Darn that cat's mom for being so nice to Tess, making her like her and all.  I don't know if Tess has ever gone into his house but she probably would if she could.  And remember, my sister Tess has some magical door opening abilities so you never know, maybe she has been inside nosey neighbour cat's house.  Double darn that sister of mine for having those magical abilities!

And you know something?  This wasn't the first time nosey neighbour cat was caught making himself at home in my house.  One day, peep #1 found him sitting downstairs happily munching on a bag of cat food which he had managed to tear open all by himself.  When I heard about this, I was appalled.  The peep just laughed.  She thought it was funny.  Peeps have such strange senses of humour, do they not?

Oh my gosh!  As God as my witness...  as I sit here working on this post...  here comes nosey neighbour cat a-trottin' down my driveway.  What can I say?  I do believe I am speechless.

a bug, a cat, two vets with new careers...

The following is a true story, told to me by my peeps.  My Auntie Primrose denies every word.

It all started with a bug.  At first, no one knew of the bug's involvement.  All the peeps knew was that my Auntie Primrose had a sore paw.  A very sore paw.  She wouldn't put her weight on it or anything.  Not even a little bit.  So, off they all went to see the doctor.  

As soon as they got to the doctor's office, the first thing Auntie Primrose did was position herself in the middle of the waiting room floor.  She kind of perched herself up so that she was almost standing on two legs.  Yup...  that's right...  you saw that one coming...  she pooped right there in the middle of the floor.  The peeps saw it coming, too.  So did everyone else in the waiting room.  The doctor saw it when he poked his head around the corner.  Then he came in and cleaned it all up.

After that, the doctor - and we'll call him Dr. #1, to keep his identity a secret and protect his pride - saw Primrose right away.  He looked her all over, examining the paw very carefully.  "She has been bitten by a bug," said he.  "She'll be fine."  Peep said he prescribed some sort of children's allergy medication just in case...  but he was right...  she was fine...  for a while...

A week or so later, my Auntie Primrose stopped eating.  She didn't want to drink, either.  And she kept doing this funny thing with her mouth like there was something caught in her throat.  The peep cried out, "Oh no!  She has swallowed a piece of yarn or an elastic or something else evil and treacherous."  Yeah, I know it sounds a little melodramatic but I'm only repeating what the peep told me.  This all happened years ago.  Anyway, the peeps were really worried.  They always try to keep evil and treacherous things out of our reach but you never know...  we're pretty clever when it comes to finding stuff.  So, off everyone went to the vet again.

The first thing they noticed at the clinic was that there was no Dr. #1 anymore.  He had left.  Gone to work with the Department of Fisheries or something like that.  Yeah, he took a job looking after fish!  Why do fish need doctors?  I would think think they'd be more likely to need a cook.  I mean, that is what's needed when preparing dinner, is it not?

So this time, my auntie was seen by another doctor and we'll this one Dr. #2, in order to protect her identity.  Dr. #2 looked in my auntie's file and said, "She must have eaten that bug."  Apparently, when swallowing the bug, its exoskeleton scratched the lining of my auntie's throat and caused a bit of an infection.  So, of course, antibiotics were prescribed.  Peep #1 was quick to point out that if Primrose refused to eat, there was no way she was gonna be able to pill her.  That's when the doctor suggested a shot.

Well, the needle went into a muscle and apparently, it hurt...  A LOT!  There were cries and howls and peep #2 - the coward - fled the exam room crying, "I can't deal with this!".  Next thing peep #1 knew, my Auntie Primrose was on her head.  And since the peep's head is rounded at the top, Primrose had to dig in with all claws so as not to fall off.  There was peep #1, standing in the middle of the room with a cat perched on her head and blood dripping down her face.  Don't worry, it was just the peep's blood...  not my auntie's.

Around this time, another doctor arrived to help.  Well, I guess Primrose didn't like the look of two doctors in one room 'cause she took a flying leap from the peep's head right across the room to a counter top where she hissed and spit and did what any self-respecting cat will do when scared...  poop.

It must have all been was too much for the doctors, 'cause they both left the room to give Primrose a chance to calm down.  For the rest of the afternoon, they saw all their patients in the operating room  - or someplace silly like that - 'cause the exam room was occupied by the peep and my auntie.  Eventually though, Primrose was okay and let the peep pick her up and everybody went home.

But do you know what?  The next time they went to the doctor's office, Dr. #2 was gone, too.  She had up and left.  Uh huh.  Left to go back to school to learn more about birds.  Again, I ask...  why do birds need doctors?  Why are all these doctors wanting to look after my dinner?  I don't understand this one bit.  Makes no sense to me!

mama's day

Yes, that's correct.  Today is Mama's Day.  A day for celebrating...  you guessed it...  our MAMAS!

My mama lives in Heaven now but before she went there, she was the best mama on earth!  Her name was Madison and she was ever so pretty.  She had long silky fur and was always dressed to the nines in her beautiful tuxedo coat.  And she had the sweetest little face, ever!  Peep #1 always says I have a heart-shaped face like my mama.  She says I'm a sweetheart just like her.  I like hearing the peep talk like that.  Brings a tear to the eye and a purr to the heart.  You know what I mean?

My mama had a rough life.  She wasn't feral like me.  She had been abandoned by some really nasty people.  I never met them but she told me all about 'em.  Those nasty people left her all alone...  outside...  in the oh-so-cold country of Canada...  to fend for herself.  Just what were they thinking?

My mama was a very skilled hunter but there aren't a whole lot of mice out and about in the winter months.  What did people expect her to do?  Dig through garbage and whatnot?  Sometimes, my mama would hang out at a bird feeder or two.  I know it upset some neighbours but again, what did they expect?  THERE ARE NO MICE IN WINTER!  The cupboards were bare.  She had to hunt birds.  She had no choice.

Then, of course, came us kittens.  As you all know, there were four of us.  Mama Madison made a nice little nest in a neighbour's wood pile and that's where we were born.  Then, when we were old enough, she brought us to the peeps' veranda.

By that time, although she was still a little nervous around peeps and whatnot, she had come to realise these peeps weren't evil and rotten like some others.  They weren't the abandoning type of peeps nor were they the chasing-away-from-bird-feeders-when-you're-literally-starving-to-death type of peeps.  They were good peeps, willing to offer her a dish of food or two when she came by with an outstretched paw.

Providing food for us kittens wasn't all my mama did.  She had to teach us our lessons, too.  A school bus drove right by the house and our veranda every day but we never took that to school.  No, instead we walked.  Our mama took us to various spots in the garden where we played and she taught us about mice and birds and bugs and stuff.  I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to take the school bus to school but my mama said they didn't teach the right stuff at that school.  Not the kind of things we kitties needed to learn at all.  Still, I can just see myself with a little backpack filled with some Fancy Feast and a little carton of cat milk, climbing up the steps onto that bus.  It could have been fun.  Oh well...

Oddly enough, I - even though feral - decided to move into the house before my mama.  I don't really know how that happened, but it did.  Just one of those funny - funny as in odd - quirks of life, I suppose.  Anywho...  I moved in first, then my brother Desdemona and then my two sisters Beatrice and Constance.  My mama refused to come live with us for another few months but once she did, we were the happiest family you ever did see.  We had good peeps, our mama and our siblings.  Oh, and there were some other cats, too.

What a wonderful kitten hood I had...  and it was all because of my wonderful mama, Madison.  I love you mama.  Even up in Heaven, you're still the best.  HAPPY MAMA'S DAY!

windows to the world

Windows.  Windows are such wonderful things.  For indoor kitties windows are, quite literally, their window to the world.  A vantage point, from which to see the great outdoors, filled with birdies and butterflies and whatnot.  From a good perch inside, indoor kitties can look out their windows and see wonderful, MARVELLOUS critters of all sorts.  I, myself, have been known to watch a little Bird TV.  You've heard of the Crow Show which appears daily in my backyard?

I am not strictly an indoor cat.  I have a house and all and I always sleep inside at night - something which a sibling or two of mine have been known to do otherwise but I won't name names...  at least not today.  But I digress. My point is, I go outside, too.  After all, I was a feral kitty so I was born outside.  But even though I go outside, I still have a wonderful appreciation of what are called windows.

It's amazing what we can see through windows.  Quite often, I'll sit at a window and watch the world go by outside.  From the big window in the peep's office, I can see all sorts of worldly things pass by.  Every day, I see birds fly by, peeps walk by and cars drive by.  They all seem to have places to go...  things to do...  stuff like that.

My peeps aren't that good about keeping my windows all sparkly clean.  Normally, I would object to such incompetence but in the case of windows, it can be beneficial.  Yes, a not-so-perfectly-clean window hides those of who are watching from behind the scenes.  In times like these, the watchees don't know the watchers are watching.

Many of you will remember about the man in the hat?  You know, the one with big old branch?  Well, he was not the last to fall victim to my watching.  Let me tell you about what happened the other day.

So, I'm sitting at the computer working on my blog when I sense something is amiss.  I look up and out through the window and what do I see?  No, not the man in the hat with another branch but rather, another person.  A totally different one.  This one was female.  She had no branch however, she did have two dogs in tow.  I've never seen this one before...  or her dogs...  little yapper types.  I thought to myself, what's this now?

Well, the woman with the yappers starts coming down my driveway.  She had a very determined walk and looked like she was coming to my front door and I hoped to goodness the peep would go answer 'cause really, I was busy working on my blog - don't like a lot of disruptions, you know - but a few feet in she stopped, turned and stared.  Yes...  stared.  She was staring at my primroses in my primrose garden.  Hmmph!  Then, as abruptly as she arrived, she turned and left!  Actually, she looked a little huffy.  I could be wrong but...  no...  she definitely looked huffy.  Don't know why.  It's not like she knew I was watching her or anything.

You know, I'm not sure how I feel about this.  That's my garden...  my private space...  I already HAVE to share it with eleven other cats and two peeps!  Isn't that enough?  Am I expected to share it with the whole world?  And their yappers, too?  The peep says I should be pleased that the woman with the yappers was admiring my garden.  She says it's a compliment.  I say, she should have asked.  She could have asked.  She didn't ask.  I think she should have.  Hmmph!  PEEPS!

mouses!

That's what I heard.  Or at least, I heard a reference to them...  MOUSES!

I heard peep #1 say mice had gotten into a box of cookies.  She said they were all smashed up into little bits and pieces or something.  Now let me tell you...  I live with eleven other cats and I can assure you that no self-respecting mouse has ever come into our house voluntarily.  I can vouch for that.

I do remember knocking a box off the kitchen counter one day.   Hmmm...  I wonder if that had anything to do with the broken cookies.  Nah...   probably not.  It was probably mouses after all.


Then I took a look at this picture of my sister, Mason, and I said...   MOUSES!  Either Mason has been eating mouses - and a whole lot of them at that...  or maybe just one really big, huge rat sized one - or she has been into the box of cookies.  I know it's spring and all and she's carrying a little extra winter weight, which I'm sure she'll work off in the garden but still...  MOUSES!

But then I realised that Mason in real life doesn't look nearly as big as the Mason in this picture.  I know the camera is supposed to add ten pounds but this is ridiculous.  On the other hand, ten pounds would pretty much double a cats weight...  So, what is ten pounds in cat weight, anyway?  If there are different years for cats and peeps, maybe there are different pounds for cats and peeps, too.  Right?

For a moment I wondered if there was a Mason lookalike who had entered our house one day to have her picture taken.  It's possible.  That Carson cat has the same fawn coloured fur as Mason.  Maybe there's another fawn coloured kitty around the neighbourhood.  One who eats cookies?  Or mouses?

This whole business was a terrible mystery.  A mystery needing to be solved, I thought.  And I asked myself, just what would a great detective like Jessica Fletcher do...

The answer came easily enough.  Whenever in doubt, blame the peep.  It's my motto!  Obviously, this is all the peep's fault.  And sure enough, it was.

The peep just recently discovered her camera has some sort of zoom lens.  I think it's there so that she can sneak up on us and take pictures without our noticing, or something like that.  The peep doesn't really know how to use her camera 'cause she never read the instructions...  'cause she didn't know how to pull them up on the computer...  'cause she's a technologically impaired duffer.  But not knowing how to use the camera properly doesn't stop her from using it.  And she's using this zoom lens thingy all the time now.  It's like a new toy filled with fresh nip.  And apparently, it can distort stuff a bit.  Probably wouldn't if she used it properly but like I said...  SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW.  Anyway, poor Mason is paying the price for the peep's incompetence.  She's really not that big.  Honest.  Not even close.  But what can you do with a peep?

it has seen better days

Remember the ginger?  No, not the ginger cats who are my marmalade brothers.  I'm talking 'bout the ginger plant my peep put in the family room right between the window sill and that big old chunk of wood called an armoire.  You know, the big plant that was always getting in our way.  Well, let's just say that the ginger has seen better days.   Hehehe...

First of all, my sister Tobias found that she could, in fact, jump from the window sill to the armoire.  It wasn't an easy task but it was possible.  Sometimes, a stem or a few leaves took a lickin' or two but that was okay.  A cat has gotta do what a cat has gotta do.  Don't you think?

Secondly, the plant had a problem.  Yes it was a problem but that's another issue for another day.  It also had a problem...  a drinking problem.  And the problem was getting way out of hand.  The plant was demanding to be watered - heavily - every, single day.  Now, I don't water plants.  I just don't.  That's not my job.  So, the watering was all left up to the peep.  And rightly so, since it was her plant.  For me, it was just a nuisance.


Thing is, with the arrival of spring and all, and all the work needing to be done outside in my garden, the peep just plum forgot.  Forgot about watering that ol' plant.  It didn't take long before the plant started to complain.  But plants don't do the complaining thing very well.  When I complain, everyone knows...  and I'm talking everyone.  But plants...  they don't have a lot of vocalisation skills, I guess.  Instead of hollering to the hills - which is what I would do if my fountain wasn't filled to the brim - they just sit back and quietly wither away.  My gosh, plants are even sillier than peeps!  Who would have known?


The peep thinks she can bring the ginger back to life and that's okay, I guess.  She says it has gone dormant, or something silly like that.  Looks more like dead to me.  But, if she is right and can get the thing to recover, it should take a bit of time, I would think.  It can take as long as it likes.  It's not in my way now.  Not in the middle of the road between the window sill and the armoire chunk of wood thingy and that's just great.  We have a clear jumping path and that's fantastic, as far as I'm concerned.

So for now, let's just say...  the ginger has seen better days.