there she goes

There. She. Goes.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' Peepers went and went somewhere.

Nope.

I know, I know....  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin'...

Well wonderin', actually.  If Peepers didn't go anywhere, you're WONDERIN' who went wherever they went.

Nope.

I know, I know...  I know what...

Okay, so I don't really know what you're thinkin' - THIS time - 'cause in all likelihood you're just sittin' back right about now, thinkin' Seville will TELL us who she was and where she went.

Or went and went.

MOUSES!

WAIT A MINUTE.  Apparently I DO know what you're thinkin', after all.

Shouldda known.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, the other night, we had some wind.  

Some?  SOME wind?  Who am I kiddin'?  We had a lot of wind, for sure.  It was super windy.  It was super-duper windy.  It was super-duper DUPER windy, I'd say.

 It was so windy...

It was so windy, a whole lotta things got blown all about and THOSE THINGS, my friends, are what I was referrin' to when I said "there she goes."

MOUSES!

Some flower pots, the cover for the generator, part of the gutter...

A whole whack of leaves.

Some branches...

Well I guess the branches didn't blow anywhere, really.  I mean, they didn't blow horizontally so much as they did vertically, but when Peepers got to 'em the next mornin', they were whippin' through the air like missiles or somethin', as she tossed 'em into one big pile in the corner of the yard.

And I'm bettin' other peeps lost some stuff, too, AND I'M BETTIN' that when they looked out their windows the other night and saw...

Okay, so since the wind happened at night, most likely when they looked out their windows they saw nothin' at all.  You know, on account of it bein' too dark ON ACCOUNT OF IT BEIN' NIGHT.  But IF it hadn't been so dark when it was so super-duper windy that night, they would have looked out their windows and seen all their stuff blowin' about, and then...

And they they would have said...

THERE SHE GOES.

As they watched all their stuff blowin' down the street.

MOUSES!

And those weather peeps said hurricane season was over.  What do they know, right?  Humph.

Okay, so TECHNICALLY it wasn't actually a hurricane.

But it WAS super-duper windy, for sure.

MOUSES!

**********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

batterin' the hatches

Whack, whack.

Thump, thump, thump.  THUMP!

*Seville backs up, makes a run for the front door, and slams into it with his shoulder*

SMASH!

That's the ticket.  *smiles*

"SEVILLE!  WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?"

Oh, hey there, Peepers.  I'm batterin' the hatches.

"You're...  You're what?  *shakes head*  WHAT?"

I'm batterin' the hatches.  There's a storm a-comin', you see, AND EVERYONE KNOWS that when there's an impendin' storm, you have to batter the hatches.  Pass me that hammer, will you?  I can do some excellent batterin' with a hammer in paw."

*winces a little as he rubs his shoulder previously used to slam into the front door*

"SEVILLE!"

Yes, Peepers?

"Seville, I know we're expecting heavy rain accompanied by winds tomorrow, but the phrase isn't battering the hatches."

Oh, I know.  I know it's actually batterin' DOWN the hatches, but for the nine lives of me, I can't figure out how to hit the doors and windows with a really good downward motion, when they're all standin' up straight like they are, so...

WAIT A MINUTE...  *snaps claws*  Oh my mouses!  Am I supposed to be KNOCKING 'EM DOWN?  That would make sense.  Total sense, for sure.  OF COURSE!  I'm supposed to batter 'em so hard, I knock 'em all down!

It's kinda weird though  *scratches behind an ear*  'cause if I knock all the doors and windows out - or down, as the phrase instructs me to do - the wind and rain will all come right into the house, and...

Peepers, you okay?  You're lookin' a little pale.  Kinda green, in fact.  A limey, pucey, pukey kinda green.  Limey, pucey, pukey green like you're about to hork up a hairball or two.  You feelin' all right?

*the peep runs her fingers through her hair, almost pulling a chunk right out.*

"Seville, the phrase is actually BATTENING down the hatches."

Really?  REALLY?  Like in cotton?

"What?"

You know, cotton batton.

"WHAT?"

Cotton BATTON.  B-A-T-T-O-N.  Batton!

"That's batting."

Well BATTIN' is what I was doin'!  Well, batterin', actually, but EVERYONE KNOWS batterin' and battin' are pretty much the same thing.  One's just a bit stronger, is all.   Mouses, Peepers, make up your mind.

OH!  *snaps claws again*  A BASEBALL BAT!  That's what I need.  Why didn't I think of that before?  I can really give this door a good batterin' with a baseball bat.  In fact, I can batter it all the way down to the floor!  Peepers, you happen to have any baseball bats on paw?  I need one, desperately.  I'm gonna...

"SEVILLE!"

Yes, Peepers?  Are you gonna tell me where the baseball bats are stored?

"I don't have any baseball bats, Seville."

Then why the mouses did you suggest I use one for batterin' down the front door?

"I...  I didn't.  I..."

What's the matter, Peepers, cat got your tongue?"

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

My gosh I crack myself up.

MOUSES!

"Seville, the phrase you're thinking of is battening down the hatches.  BATTENING.  It means to prepare for trouble, or to secure something to PREVENT it from moving or being damaged.  In this case, you might want to secure the doors and windows to PREVENT them from being damaged in tomorrow's storm.  It does not mean..."

Excuse me, Peepers *holds up paw*  but storms batter; they don't batten.  EVERYONE KNOWS storms batter the shoreline and stuff.  Weatherpeeps talk about it all the time.  They BATTER!  Batter as in...  Well, batterin'!  So CLEARLY, I'm supposed to be BATTERIN' the hatches.

To beat the storm to it, I guess.

MOUSES!

Now if you can't tell me where you keep the baseball bats, just step aside and move outta my way.  I'll just have to use that hammer, after all.

Wait a minute!  Peepers, I thought I already asked you to pass me that hammer.  Boy-oh-boy, you're not bein' very helpful at all.  I asked you to pass me that hammer ages ago.

My gosh, a kitty has gotta do everythin' himself, 'round here.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

it's rainin'

It's rainin', it's pourin'; the old man is snor....

Actually, it's not.  Not rainin', I mean.  The rain has finally stopped.

MOUSES!

BUT YESTERDAY...

MOUSES!

I'm tellin' ya, it rained so hard yesterday, I thought the house was gonna get up off its foundation and float, float away.

Either that, or sink.

MOUSES!

AND THE WIND?

I'm actually kinda amazed our house didn't lift off the ground and take flight!  The wind blew and blew and BLEW, then blew a bit more.  And it went on like that for hours.  DAYS.  WEEKS!

Okay, so maybe that's a tad of an exaggeration.  The wind blew for 'bout twenty-four hours.  BUT IN CAT TIME, you've gotta multiply that by nine, so by MY calculations, it had to have been blowin' for approximately a week, two days, five hours, and fifteen minutes, give or take a second or two.  Or nine.

MOUSES!

Then this mornin', Peepers had to go out and check for damage in the yard.  I would have gone with her but the ground was all wet and icky, and I like to keep my paws dry.

Heeheehee...

HEEHEEHEE...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

You want in on the joke?

Of course you do.

MOUSES!

When Peepers came back inside this mornin' - you know, after her checkin' in the yard for wind damage - her shoes were so sodden, she could have wrung 'em out and collected a gallon of water.

Yup, the ground was that wet.

PUDDLES EVERYWHERE!

Wait.  Wait a minute.  You just hold on there, ol' peep of mine.  PEEPERS!  PEEPERS!  Peepers, there are puddles out there?  PUDDLES?  YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!!!  Puddles are full of puddle water and I love puddle water.  Love it?  No, I ADORE IT, for sure.  I, Seville the Cat, AM A CONNOISSEUR of the puddle water, you see.

COME ON PEEP.  Grab those soakin' wet shoes of yours and put 'em on your paws...  I mean, feet.  There's puddle water out there just waitin' for me.

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

tail wind

Let us talk, my friends.  Let us talk about...

About tail winds.  Yup, let's talk 'bout tail winds, right here on my blog.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' I'm talkin' about lactose intolerant kitties gettin' into the cheese, and passin' some wind from the ol' tail area back there, aren't ya?

Well you know what?  You'd be wrong about that.

MOUSES!

Although truth be told, that might very well be a topic for another blog post on another day.  But I'd have to call that post, STINKY Tail Winds, I do believe.

MOUSES!

So anyway....

So anyway, the other day I was out in the garden with the peep, and the wind was blowin' somethin' awful.  It was blowin' and blowin' and blowin', my friends.

It was blowin' so hard...

How hard was it blowin', you ask?

It was blowin' so hard, my tail got caught up in that ol' wind and my gosh, I slapped myself in the face with my very own tail.

Talk about TAIL winds.

MOUSES!

Yes, it's true, although I'm tryin' to spread the rumour that I didn't so much whack myself in the face with my own tail as I uh...  Um...  Well as I CAUGHT my own tail, a feat very few cats can do.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of tickets...

Speakin' of tickets, I bet I could have sold tickets to that show, for sure.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of tickets, AGAIN...

Speakin' of tickets again, you ever get a speedin' ticket on account of a tail wind pushing you so hard across the backyard that you were travellin' so fast you exceeded the speed limit?

Yeah, well neither have I, but that's probably on account of the fact that in my own backyard, there is no speed limit posted, and NOT on account of my not goin' too fast, 'CAUSE IF THERE WERE a posted speed limit, I would have exceeded it, for sure.

MOUSES!

Yup, that's how strong the wind here was.

The wind was so strong...

The wind was so strong, it blew all the remaining leaves off the trees.  The wind was so strong, it blew shingles off the roofs.  (Not our roof, thank goodness, but the peep did find a stray shingle from someone's roof out back.  It was the wrong colour to be ours.)  The wind was so strong, the neighbours' gazebo tent kinda thingy they had set up for Hallowe'en blew down and got a little ripped up or somethin' in the process.  The wind was so strong...

Well let's just say, the wind was so strong, when I was out in the garden that day, that ol' wind almost picked me right up and blew me away.

Now THAT, my friends, is a TAIL WIND, for sure.
 
MOUSES!

And in other news...

In other news, Rushy's long fur got ruffled up like no cat's fur has ever been ruffled up, before.  And as for the peep's ponytail...

Well the description of that tail wind will have to wait for another day.

Once I stop laughing myself silly at the thought of it, that is.

MOUSES!

And in some other, other news...

The peep appears to be missing one black tarp, used, an odd hole here and there, last seen November 1st, in our garden, insufficiently anchored to the ground.

MOUSES!

bad hair day

Whoa.

WHOA!

What the mouses happened to YOU?  You havin' a bad hair day or somethin', Andy?

And for your information, that was a rhetorical question, for sure.

MOUSES!

Ugh.  There are some things a kitty can never unsee.

MOUSES!

So anyway...  

So anyway, what did happen?  You stick your paw in an electrical outlet again?

I shouldn't have to tell you this Andy - I really shouldn't - but stickin' your paws in electrical outlets is NEVER a good idea.

MOUSES!

Ahhh...  It's a comb over, you say.

What?

AHHH...  It was the COMB, you say.

You sure 'bout that?  'Cause uh...

'Cause Andy, that's just weird.  Combs don't make cats' fur look like yours looks right now.

At least they're not supposed to.

MOUSES!

You know Andy, I love a good combin' as much as the next cat, and Peep #1 combs me all the time.  My head, my back, my tummy...  Everythin'.  But my fur NEVER, EVER looks like...

Like...

Like THAT.  You know, like what your fur is lookin' like right now.  All orange wispiness and stuff, lookin' like it's blowin' around in a hurricane gale force wind.

Although seriously Andy, I've gotta paw it to you bro, it takes a lot of talent to get your fur lookin' like it's blowin' about in the wind, without there actually bein' any wind blowin' it about.

Not to mention a lot of courage to appear that way in public.

MOUSES!

But uh...  How did you do that, anyway?

Never mind.  It's not somethin' I really need to know.

MOUSES!

Okay, fine.  I DO need to know.  Andy, how come your fur is all...

All...

All poofy and stuff.    All poofy and wispy and lookin' like it's about to fly off into the sunset or somethin'.

And are you SURE you didn't stick your paw into an electrical outlet, Andy?  'Cause had you done so, it would really explain a lot.

It would REALLY explain a LOT.

You don't say.

You DO say.

You say that the peep says you have fly away fur, because with it bein' winter and all, and our havin' the heat on in the house, the air is incredibly dry, and the friction created when she was combing you caused an electrostatic charge to accumulate on the surface of your fur and...

I knew this had somethin' to with electricity and stuff.

MOUSES!

You know Andy, Peep #1 has been known to make stuff up.  Known to just say whatever pops into her silly little head.  All to make herself look good.

Or in this case, to make herself look not bad.

You sure she's not doin' that right now?  Are you sure she's not makin' up some flimsy excuse?  'Cause seriously, bro, this blamin'-of-the-comb business sounds a whole lot like nonsensical nonsense to me.

You think she's tellin' the truth, huh?  You really do?  Huh.

Well then...

Then basically...

Basically what you're sayin' is...

THE PEEP WENT AND MADE YOUR FUR LOOK ALL FUNNY.

HOW SHOCKING.

MOUSES!

blowout

Hmmm...  Indoor sunpuddle or outdoor sunpuddle today?  It's a big decision, for sure.

On the one paw, outdoor sunpuddles are bigger than indoor ones.  A kitty can get in a really good stretch, in an outdoor sunpuddle.  A way better stretch than in an indoor one, 'cause sometimes, if you stretch too much in the ones inside, you end up stretchin' right out of the puddle.  Believe me, I know.  MOUSES!

But on the other paw, on account of the rain earlier, there may be some water puddles mixed in with those sunpuddles outdoors.  None of that goin' on inside.

Again I must ask myself, indoors or out?

The peep did say today was to be unseasonably mild, and I do like to bask in a sunpuddle in mild weather.  Hmmm...

Eenie meenie miney mo, catch a puddle by its toe.

Nah, that doesn't work.  Everyone knows sunpuddles don't have toes.  MOUSES!

I think...  I think...  I think I'll try an outdoor sunpuddle to start.

Andy!  Why do you look like you just had a fur blowout done by someone who has no business blowin' out anyone's fur?  You been to the groomer or somethin'?

No, that was not a comment on your royal title, Sir Fartsalot, and your occasional need of a bum wash and trim.

But if the paw fits..

But do tell, Andy.  How come your fur is stickin' out all over the place?  You look like Albert Einstein havin' a bad hair day.  It's not the best of looks for a cat, for sure.

What's that?  You say you were just outside lookin' for some sunpuddles and there was a big gust of wind and...

How strong was that gust?

Really?  MOUSES!

I need to investigate this for myself.  Move over, Andy.  I'm headin' out.

OH MY MOUSES!  Andy, one moment it was as calm as calm can be and the next?  Well let me put it this way: had I had an umbrella with me, I'd be somewhere over the Atlantic by now.  You weren't kiddin' when you said it was windy.  No wonder your fur got all...  all...  all...  all whatever that look is, you're sportin'.

What's that, Andy?  Why is my fur not lookin' like yours after my bein' out there in that ol' gust of wind?  Well...  Well for starters, my fur is a lot shorter than yours, you see.  I never get a really frazzled look although at times, when dealin' with certain fur-sibs of mine, I can feel frazzled, for sure.  MOUSES!

Hey!  Who stuck these leaves on my back?

Ah yes, the wind.

You know, I enjoy a good leaf-chasin' game as much as the next kitty, but with wind like that...  Well let me put it this way: it's all fun and games 'til somebody gets a leaf stuck on their back.  MOUSES!

Hmmm...  I believe today will be an INDOOR sunpuddle day, for sure.

For mousin' out loud.  Look at that.  The sky has gone all cloudy and stuff, and there isn't a sunpuddle to be found.  Not indoors nor out.

MOUSES!