nippy fresh breath

Hey everybody!  Sivvers here...

Gosh, this blogging stuff is really hard. Nissy made it look so easy but let me tell you, it's not.  It's darned tootin' difficult!  Firstly, you have to come up with a topic and then...  Then you have to write about it!  MOUSES!

So this morning I was pulling my whiskers this way and that and getting my tail all in a dither, wondering what on earth I would write about.  I was at a loss.  I was beginning to think I had writer's block and wondering if that was anything like the crystals block - which I have had, twice, although nothing in the last couple of years thank goodnees but both times I did have them, I had to be hospitalised so I was hoping against all hope that writer's block was nothing like the crystals block because I really didn't want to go into hospital again. Whatever was blocking me, I was going to have to unblock myself.

Then it came to me.  NIP!

What better thing to write about than nip?

An Ode to the Nip...

Nah, I'm not really a poet although I did write that one poem way back when.  Remember that? Nissy told you all about it, I believe.  I wrote it after my first bout with the crystals.

Easy Peasy

The more I drink,
the more I pee.
The more I pee,
the easier it be.
Easy peasy.
That's the key!

Yeah, I wrote that poem way back when for Peep #1.  I gave it to her for Valentine's Day, I do believe.  Right after I peed on her.  Yup, that was the peeing on the peep incident to which I alluded in my last blog post.  The peeing on the first peep incident, to be exact.

So anyway, I hemmed and I hawed and then I hawed and I hemmed and then finally, I decided exactly what to do.  I decided that I'd leave the sonnets to Shakespeare and instead, write in regular old prose.

So I struck a pose!

Then I remembered the difference between prose and pose and realised that that one little letter 'r' made a world of difference, for sure, and got down to business.

NIP.

As many of you know, my late brother Nissy was a true connoisseur of the nip.  He was a bit of a nip expert, you see.  Actually, he was a bit of a niphead, too.

Knowing Nissy's political aspirations, I often wondered why Nissy didn't consider starting up his own political party.  The Nip Party...   Has a nice ring to it, don't you agree?  Of course, peeps might think it's the wrong kind of party or something, I suppose.  Guess that's why Nissy didn't want to do that.  He was one very wise kitty, for sure.

But just as my family and I will always love my brother Nissy, we will also always love the nip. Rest assured, nip will always be an important topic of conversation at my house and here on this blog, too.

And I actually have some important nip-related news.  At Christmas, Peep #1 finally broke down and admitted her lack of nip-growing skills.  Total disaster on the nip-growing front.  For years she has tried and for years she has failed.  Got to give her top grades for consistency even though it's a kind of consistency we can all certainly do without.

So anyway, the peep promised that she would give us a belated Christmas gift of nip plants as soon as the nurseries were open and sure enough, she kept her promise.  Last week, she arrived home one day with three lovely catnip plants.

Of course, I immediately checked out their providence as I remembered way back when, when Nissy had been fooled by a big old plant of lemon balm. It did look like nip, I'll grant you that. Looked a lot like nip, for sure.  But the smell...  The smell!  It was so gross.  It smelled of lemons!  MOUSES!

And then there was the Valerian.  You send a peep out for nip and what does she bring home?  VALERIAN!

Actually, I have to admit that I quite enjoyed the Valerian root.  Nissy wasn't into it.  Said it smelled like stinky feet. Guess it all depends upon whose feet you're used to sniffing.  MOUSES!

Well like I said, I checked out the plants the peep brought home and found them to indeed be nip. Three beautiful catnip plants.

The peep set them aside on the driveway, waiting to be planted over the weekend.  Silly peep.

So the very next morning, I went outside to check on the nip plants for Peep #1 and what did I find? Nothing but stubble!  Someone had found those three nip plants and mowed them down to the ground.  MOUSES!

No, it wasn't mice.  Wasn't slugs or other thugs, either.  It was a fur-sib, I think.  Of course, my brothers and sisters all denied any knowledge of the incident but I'm pretty sure I could detect a certain nippy freshness to Mason's breath.  Mason claimed she had used nip-flavoured toothpaste that morning but I don't think anyone has invented that yet.  The Peep should have installed surveillance cameras by those nip plants, for sure.

Well the remnants of the nip plants were indeed planted over the weekend and are now safe and sound in a cage.  That's right, they're caged.  Big old dog crate with the bottom sawed off is protecting them from becoming snacking material by any marauding cats.

And marauding fur-sibs, too.

You know, Nissy had been saving up his pennies...

Scratch that.  Nissy had been saving up his nickels and dimes - on account of the Canadian government getting rid of all the pennies - to invest in nip futures.  He said that nip futures were going to be THE NEXT BIG THING.  But like I told my sister Mason...  There can be no future in nip that has been nipped in the bud and that's a fact, for sure.

So anyway, that's all for today about the nip.  I'll be back again on Sunday.  Paws crossed there will be no nipping of the nip between now and then.  Got to give those plants a chance to grow. MOUSES!

grass is always greener...

So the other day, I was chattin' with a pal of mine about food and stuff which, as you might already know, is one of my favourite topics.  I do like my snacks.

  

Anywho...  I was tellin' this pal of mine how I was really lucky 'cause I didn't need any special kind of food.  I had no special dietary requirements.  Oh, sure...  I have my favourites like turkey and grilled chicken.  Grilled tuna is another.   Especially the grilled chicken and tuna that come out of the teeny tiny tins that are particularly tasty. Mmmm...  yum.  Yup, those go over really well.  Oh, and I also enjoy a spot of cream every now and then.  Yes, I could pretty much live on those.  No broccoli or brussels sprouts for this kitty!

Of course, there are also things I absolutely abhor.  As long as the peeps remember to never, ever, never not ever, not ever even in a million years try to pawn off duck or trout on me, I'm okay.  Won't touch those with a ten foot pole.  Not even a twenty foot one.  Icky.

But I really am a lucky kitty 'cause I get to have variety in my diet.  Good thing, too, 'cause I tend to bore easily.  Don't like to have the same thing every day, day in and day out.  That's why I have three - count 'em, three - favourite foods.  They say that variety is the spice of life and I do believe they're right.

Usually, I get the peep to dress up my meals a little.  As I tend to have turkey for breakfast every morning, I insist that she add a little grilled tuna or grilled chicken to the dish.  Yes, turkey and giblets with a side of grilled tuna or chicken, garnished with a sprig of nip.  Okay.  Fine.  You got me.  The peep doesn't actually garnish my plate with nip but I'm working on her and one day...  one day it will happen, for sure.  I just know it.  That will be about the same time when she finally starts serving me my breakfast on the good china.  Any day now, I should think.

But there are many cats out there who have to eat the very same kind of food every day of their lives.  My brother Seville is one of those kitties.  No, the peeps aren't bein' mean to him or anythin'.  It's for his own good, they say.  You see, a couple of years ago, my brother Seville developed a bit of a problem.

A couple of years ago, my brother started havin' issues with crystals.  Nope, not the kind of crystals that some peeps use for healing and not the kind of crystals that some peeps use to make jewelry.  These crystals formed somewhere inside of my brother and when he went to go pee, he couldn't.  It was a big problem.

Twice, my brother Seville has had to be rushed to hospital and spend several nights there while the doctors worked on gettin' rid of those crystals.  Sivvers says it was super painful.  He wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy.  Not even on Nosey Neighbour Cat.  MOUSES!  And as painful as it was, the worst part of all was that if his condition wasn't treated quickly, my brother could have died.  That would have been terrible 'cause basically, my brother is a really nice guy and I love him a lot.  After all, he is my brother.

Anywho...  because of Seville's problems with the crystals, he has to eat a very special food.  Peep #1 calls it Special Special and when she says the name, she says it in a special way.  Isn't that special...?

Seville doesn't buy it for a second.  He's always wantin' to hone in on whatever we're havin' but he's just not allowed.  He has to eat his Special Special and drink lots of water to keep the plumbin' workin' at top efficiency.  MOUSES!

To be honest, there are times when he will gobble down his special food but most of the time, he'd rather have whatever the rest of us are havin'.  And then there are times when he'll gobble down the Special Special thinkin' that if he eats it quickly enough, he'll get to eat whatever we're havin', too. Again I say, MOUSES!

The funny thing is, the rest of us cats - all nine of us - would much rather eat Seville's Special Special.  After all, it is special.  At least, that's what the peep says.

I guess it all boils down to that ol' sayin',  the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.  I always eat my meals in the kitchen and, in the kitchen there are no fences but I think the sayin' still applies.  I think it might be a metaphorical fence.  Bet you didn't know I knew the word metaphorical, huh?  Well I do.  I know what it means and everything.

But speaking of fences and grass and stuff...  If the grass on the other side of the fence is always greener, I wonder if it's tastier, too.  I've never really compared the grass on different sides of the fence before.  I probably should.  I should probably devise some sort of experiment where all of us kitties line up with various samples of grass taken from various sides of various fences and we could all do a taste test or somethin'.  I'll pencil that in on my calender for June, I think.  May is a busy month for me.  Already all booked up.

Oohhh...  and I wonder if it matters which fence we use.  The sayin' says that the grass is always greener on the other side of THE fence.  Now that makes it sound like we're talkin' about a particular fence.  If it was any ol' fence, surely they would have said, 'a' fence and not 'the' fence.  Hmmm...  I'll have to do some research on the subject, for sure.

And what about nip?  If grass grows greener on the other side of the fence, does nip grow greener there as well?  If it does, I'll have to make sure that the peep installs the proper kind of fence for me and grows some nip for all of us on the other side of it.  It's always best to have the best quality of nip available and if all it takes is a fence...   well, then...  a fence we must have!

Perhaps once the peep builds me that fence and then grows a garden of grass and nip on the other side of it for me...  Perhaps once she does that, she'll start garnishing my breakfasts with some of that nip. If she has a reliable supply of fresh nip, I can't see any reason why she wouldn't.  And once I get her doin' that, I'll ask that she starts plating my meals on saucers of the Royal Doulton with the blue periwinkle...  Oh yeah...  that was the china on that television show with the funny lady named Hyacinth.  Peep doesn't have that kind of china.  I'll have to settle for the stuff with the yellow roses. MOUSES!