is it a bird?

Is it a bird?

IS IT A PLANE?

No, IT'S.....

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', it's gonna be Superman.  Am I right or am I right?  I know that was what you were thinkin'.

And do you know somethin', my friends?

If that's what you were thinkin', you would be wrong about that.

MOUSES!

Okay, so I may have possibly misled you. 

Kinda.  Sorta.  Maybe.

Yeah, I might have misled you a bit.  You know, on account of what I'm talkin' about bein' neither bird nor plane like.  Nothin' bird nor plane like at all!

But I DID have a legitimate question at paw.

Just not the question I asked above, is all.

MOUSES!

What I probably should have asked is...

WHAT THE MOUSES IS WRONG WITH THE PEEP NOW?

It's just allergies.

Yup, that's what she said.

Said...  Sniffled...  Snorted...  Whatever.

MOUSES!

There was snifflin', my friends.  There was coughin' and sneezin', too, not to mention the blowin' of the nose.

But you know the peep.

It's just allergies.  The winter air is dry and I must have breathed in a little dust.

Yeah.  Right.

MOUSES!

So it wasn't a bird and it wasn't a plane.

But it wasn't allergies, either.

My friends, the peep has managed to go and catch herself one of her famous full-blown doozies of a cold.  She only gets one every few years.

But when she does...

AH...

AH...

AHCHOO!

Stand back, or one of her sneezes might blow you away.

Literally.

MOUSES!

Gosh darn it, the phone's ringin'.  That'll be the Canadian National Seismograph Network...  AGAIN.  I'm tellin' ya, every time ol' Peepers sneezes, they call.  Every time!  They've called like nine hundred and ninety-nine times already this mornin'!  Apparently her sneezin' is settin' off seismographs ALL OVER THE PLACE.

MOUSES!

oh good, you're awake

Hey Peepers!

HEY PEEPERS!

HEY PEEPERS!

Oh good, you're awake.

I was just checkin'.  Just checkin' to make sure you were still alive.

Well...

Well the thing is, you had stopped sneezin' and wheezin' and coughin' and stuff, so I was beginnin' to wonder.  You know, wonder if you were still alive.

And by the way, I've called the doctor's office.  They'll see you tomorrow at five.

Why MY doctor, of course.

And by the other way, all patients are supposed to be secured on a leash, or a harness, or somethin' like that.  Or stuffed in a crate.  Since I'm pretty sure you won't fit in any of our carriers - and even if you did, there's no way I'd be carryin' you - we'll need to find you a harness to wear.  I know!  How 'bout a ball of yarn or somethin'?  I can wrap it around you several times.

Yeah right, and when was the last time you asked me if I needed to go to the doctor before takin' me there?  HUH?

But you know, maybe what you have isn't a cold at all.  Maybe it's allergies or somethin'.

OH MY MOUSES!  I HOPE YOU'RE NOT ALLERGIC TO ME!!!

And in case you're wonderin', if you are allergic to cats, you had better get used to takin' pills 'cause if it comes down to you or me, well...  Let's just say...  I'M NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE.  MOUSES!

You think cats can be allergic to peeps?

Nothin'.  Just wonderin'.

So you say it's not allergies, huh?  It's just a really bad cold.

And you're sure it's just a cold?  Really sure?  Absolutely positively so?  I'm only asking 'cause you had one just a few months ago, and you know you don't get many...

Okay, I'll take your word for it.

HEY PEEPERS!

Sorry, I couldn't hear you breath.

Or wheeze.

Guess you were fallin' back asleep.

You know Peepers, when they were handin' out the cold bugs, or whatever they are, how come you felt the need to take one?  HUH?

Nothin'.  Just wonderin'.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...  You're sick and you feel icky.

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...

Complaints, complaints.  All I'm hearin' are complaints!

Did you hear me complainin' when you were sneezin' and wheezin' and coughin' and stuff?  Did you hear me complainin' about havin' to listen to you sneezin' and wheezin' and coughin' and stuff?  HUH?

And did you hear me complain' about your bein' sick and feelin' icky?  Did you hear me complainin' about your complainin'?  You know, complainin' about your havin' the cold?  HUH?

Okay, you might have heard me complainin' about that.

BUT WITH VERY GOOD REASON, FOR SURE.  MOUSES!

The truth is, Peepers, I was worried.

I was!  I was very worried, indeed.

Let me tell you Peepers, when I thought you had died in your sleep - you know, on account of your lack of sneezin' and wheezin' and coughin' and stuff 'cause you were sleepin' - I was super worried, for sure.

I mean...

WHO WOULD FEED ME MY MEALS???

And speakin' of food...

I'm feelin' a little peckish at the mo.  Yup, I'm feelin' a little peckish, for sure, and I could go for a snack right about now.

Well?

WELL?

WELL?

Do I need to spell it out for you, woman?  I'm in need of a snack and the snacks are in the kitchen.

SO YOU WANNA GO GET ME ONE?

That's right, Peepers.  Grab your box of tissues and take 'em with you.  Only thing worse than a sneezin' peep is a peep with nothin' into which to sneeze.

AND PEEPERS...  Could you mix in a few of those freeze-dried salmon flakes for me?  You know how I like 'em so.

AND REMEMBER TO WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE HANDLIN' MY SNACKS!  Last thing I need is for you to give me your cold.

MOUSES!