no way, no how...

"No way, no how, is this here plant gonna fit in that there pot.  MOUSES!"

I remember that joke my late, great brother Nissy made when he wrote it; and boy-oh-boy was it ever a super duper good joke, to be sure.

Nissy always wrote the best jokes.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, I do believe Nissy wrote that joke 'round about Peepers' Day, way back when.  Peepers' Day; the day we cats celebrate our motherin'-type peeps.

Yeah, yeah... Some call it Mother's Day.  So sue me.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, today is the day Saffy and I are celebratin' Peepers although truth be told, I'm not entirely sure why.  I mean, when you think about it...  When you really, REALLY think about it, Peepers kinda has it made 'round about here.  It's like EVERY day is Peepers' Day, to be sure.  

What we need is a Kitty's Day, or somethin' like that.  Unfortunately, the last time havin' a Kitty's Day was suggested, Peepers laughed 'til she was blue in the face.  In fact, she laughed so hard...

She laughed so hard I, Seville the Cat, thought I was gonna have to give her mouth to mouth or somethin' like that - which WOULD BE GROSS - but thankfully, Saffron came to my rescue and gave the peep a good slap, and that smartened her right up.

Slap...  Bitey...  Whatever.

MOUSES!

And there went my dreams of havin' a Kitty's Day to celebrate every year.

MOUSES!

So since it's just Peepers' Day and not Kitty's Day, I guess Saffy and I are expected to do somethin' special for the peep.  

Or so I've been told.

But figurin' out what that somethin' special should be is kinda hard 'cause like I said before, PEEPERS APPEARS TO ALREADY HAVE IT MADE 'round about here.  For mousin' out loud, SHE HAS THE PLEASURE OF LIVIN' WITH SAFFRON AND ME!

What on earth could be more special than that?

MOUSES!

But Saffy, bein' the suck up kinda kitty he is, decided to start early and sleep up on the bed by Peepers' tootsies the night before last which is somethin' Saffy never, ever has done before.  And he slept by her tootsies without even pouncin' on 'em or clawing 'em or biting 'em or anything like that which must have been really hard for Saffy on account of pouncin', catchin', clawin', and bitin' the peep's toes is one of his favourite pastimes, to be sure.

Guess he was too busy sleepin' to do any of that.

MOUSES!

And as for me...

Well as for me, since I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO INTENTION of goin' anywhere near Peepers' toes, and I don't have any other kinda gift at the ready...

And since it's already Peepers' Day, and all...

Well...

Well I guess I've decided to give her a gift certificate or somethin' similar.

BUT NOT A GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR MY SLEEPIN' ON THE BED OR ANYTHIN' LIKE THAT!

'Cause I'm not that kinda kitty, you see.

But perhaps I could stretch to give her a certificate entitling Peepers one hour of givin' me chin tickles or behind the ear scritches or even belly rubs.  One whole hour of havin' me all to herself.

Now THAT sounds like THE PURRFECT PEEPERS' DAY GIFT, to be sure.  One kitties all 'round the world can give to their peeps.

And one with no stinky peep toes at the foot of the bed to be found.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

the break-in

Seville pawed at the door. Grabbing the doorknob between both front paws, he tried to twist it open but to no avail.  "Awww... MOUSES!  Peep has gone and locked my office door."  He sat back on his haunches, debating what to do next.

"Peep #1 is out in the garden," Seville's brother, Rushton, informed him. "Why don't you just go ask her to open up the door?"

"Nah, that won't work," muttered Seville.  "I'm thinking there's some reason I'm not supposed to be in the office by myself."

"Probably has something to do with your occasional spraying issues," suggested Rushy.

Seville glared at Rushton.  "You pee on a peep ONE time and ya never hear the end of it."

"Only the once?" questioned Rushton.  "I'm pretty sure it was at least twice."

"Nope, just the once.  Well just the once for Peep #1.  I might have peed on Peep #2 too but I'm pretty sure I only peed once per peep.  These things happen.  They can't be helped.  But my point is, peeps never let these things go.  If Nissy were here, he would say MOUSES!"

"Yup," Rushton nodded in agreement, "Nissy would say MOUSES! to that, for sure."

The two cats sat in silence, staring at the locked office door.

Several minutes passed before Rushton finally spoke up.  "Well what are you going to do?  Today's Sunday and you have a blog post to write."

"I know...  I know..." muttered Seville.  "Wait, I do know!  I'll pick the lock.  Should be easy enough. Peeps do it on television all the time.  I need a hairpin or something, I think.  Would you happen to have a hairpin on paw, Rushy?"

Rushton rolled his eyes.  "I may be a long-haired kitty but I most definitely do not use hairpins."

"No matter.  I see something else I can use."  Reaching over to his brother, Seville plucked a long, white whisker. "This will work nicely," he smiled.

"Ouch!" Rushton cried.  "For mousin' out loud...  That hurt!  I'm getting out of here before you pull out any more of my whiskers.  You had better watch out or I'll go tell the peep what you're doing."

"Tell if you like, Rushy, but having given me that whisker makes you an accomplice.  You had better keep that in mind."

"I didn't give you anything.  You STOLE that...  Awww...  MOUSES!" and with that, Rushton headed into the kitchen to look for a snack.

Seville beamed when he heard the locking mechanism on the office door make a welcoming click. The doorknob turned easily now and he pushed open the door.  "Now to get to work," and he trotted over to the desk.  Once turned on, the computer hummed to life.

"Whatcha doing?" Mason asked after running into the office and plunking her tail down next to Seville.  "Rushy said you were starting work on your blog post."

Seville glanced over at his sister, Mason.  Noticing that she appeared to be out of breath he asked, "Better question is, what were you doing?  You're panting."

"I was outside in the garden, supervising Peep #1.  She's digging up primroses for the animal shelter plant sale," answered Mason.

"The peep is selling off the primroses?  Nissy's primroses?  MOUSES!"

"Just the extras.  I was very careful to allow her to dig up only the extras.  The ones we don't need."  Mason began to wash a paw but between licks, added, "Besides, the sale is still two weeks away.  If she digs up any of the wrong ones, we can just plant them back in the garden when she's not looking."

Seville nodded in agreement.  "Yeah, we've done that before.  Drives the peep crazy."

"I think you mean crazier," giggled Mason, emphasising the 'er' at the end of the word.  She began to work on washing her other front paw before asking, "What are you going to blog about?"

"Not sure yet.  Hmmm....  Password!  Blogger wants a password?  MOUSES!"

"Nissy was very pro passwords," Mason informed Seville.  "Surely you knew that."

"Someone looking for a password?" Anderson asked, strutting into the office, flipping his floofy tail this way and that.  "Nissy lock you out of the blog?"

"Looking that way."  Seville typed in MOUSES! only to find that it wasn't correct.  "MOUSES!"

"Try nip," suggested Anderson.

"Or niphead," offered Mason.

"How about cheesynippizza?" offered Andy.

Seville typed in FursibsDriveYouCrazy but alas, that didn't work either.

"Why not just go and ask Peep #1?" suggested Mason.  "I'm pretty sure she knows all the passwords Nissy used."

"No....  She doesn't know I'm here in the office," explained Seville, rubbing his temple with a paw.

"Oh yeah," nodded Mason.  "It's because of your spraying issues, isn't it?"

Seville rolled his eyes to the sky.  "I've said it before and I'll say it again.  You pee on a peep once...."

"Two peeps, once each," Mason quickly added.

"...and you never hear the end of it.  Peeps just never let these things go."

"Unlike Seville," Anderson whispered in Mason's ear, "who thinks nothing of letting go when peeing on peeps."

"MOUSES!" cried Seville.

Feeling a presence standing behind them, all three cats turned slowly to find Peep #1 standing there, hands on hips and looking rather displeased.  They all spun their heads back to face the computer screen in unison, donning the most innocent-looking expressions possible.


"My little blogmeister," said the peep.  "Nissy's Blogger password was my little blogmeister, no spaces."

Seville typed in the suggested password and the blog opened at last.  "I'm in!  Thanks Peepers.  You're a peep.  And I mean that only in the most nicest of ways."

"I know you do," said Peep #1, giving Seville a kiss on the back of his head.  "Just don't spray anything in here, okay?  No spraying allowed."

"I only..." began Seville before stopping himself short.

Sometimes it was better to just let things go, he thought to himself.  Arguing with the peep about the difference between peeing once on each of two peeps and peeing on one peep, twice, could wait for another day.  Maybe he could blog about it sometime. Yup, definitely a good blog post idea but not for today.  Today he would blog about....

MOUSES!

I've been published!

I'VE BEEN PUBLISHED! Yoo-hoo!  YOO-HOO!!!

That's right, my friends. You heard it correctly and you heard it here first...

What's that, Peepers? You think that my readers might not have first heard my big news right here on my blog? You think they might have heard it already?  They might have heard it elsewhere? Awww....  MOUSES!

Anywho...  That doesn't really matter, I suppose. What does matter is that...  I'VE BEEN PUBLISHED!

And no, this is not a joke for April Fools.  Again I must say, MOUSES!

Now back to me.

Have you ever wondered how I, Nerissa the Cat, came to live here in this house with my very own peeps?  Well wonder no more, my friends, 'cause my very own rescue story appears in the possibly-soon-to-be-best-seller (got my paws crossed on that one) Rescued:  The Stories of 12 Cats, Through Their Eyes published by FitCat Publishing.  MOUSES!

In the book you'll read all 'bout how I was born out in the wilds of Nova Scotia.  Uh scratch that. You'll read all 'bout how I was born in a neighbour's wood pile in our subdivision.  You'll also learn how I eventually came to meet my peeps.  How I learned to trust 'em and how they fell in love with me.  Basically, you'll learn all 'bout my early and formative months.  Bet you never knew half of that stuff before.

But my rescue story isn't the only one in the book.  No Sirree...  There is a total of twelve cats featured in the Rescued book, each with a differed story to tell.  A whole year's worth of rescue stories all in one book.  The deal of the century, that is, for sure.  MOUSES!

Are you intrigued?  You want your very own copy?  Then you're in luck 'cause the book Rescued: The Stories of 12 Cats, Through Their Eyes is available on Amazon.  Click here to be magically transported to the page where you can order it in print form or on Kindle.  Also, your local bookseller can order the book in for you, too.  Local booksellers are great and so very helpful and always more than happy to oblige with such things.

(Note to self:  Make sure my pal Lori at our local bookstore knows 'bout this here wonderful book.)

But this month is April and April is super important 'cause this is my birthday month!

What's that Peepers?  Oh yeah... Sorry 'bout that.

April is important 'cause each cat featured in Rescued: The Stories of 12 Cats, Through Their Eyes got to pick a rescue to receive the 'donation' portion of all book sales for a particular month and my month is April.  No, I'm not receiving the donations but the rescue of my choice is.  Isn't that wonderful?

And the answer to that would be yes.

Durin' the month of April, a portion of all Rescued book sales will go to Anjellicle Cats Rescue in New York.  Anjellicle Cats Rescue is very near and dear to my heart on account of the fact that they save the lives of so many kitties who need rescuing just as I once did before I met my peeps.

Those of you who know me on Facebook and Twitter, know that I daily help network the cats on death row at the New York City ACC.  Every day the ACC posts a list of cats.  A list of cats who will be killed the very next day.  These cats are adoptable.  Sometimes they're in perfect health.  So very often they're super scared bein' at the ACC but will calm down once they're in a loving foster home.

A number of rescues do what we call, pulling.  Peeps from Anjellicle Cats Rescue go to the ACC as often as possible and pull as many cats as they can afford to pull.  These babies may need some medical attention and foster homes will need to be found.  In foster care, they'll receive lots and lots of tender lovin' care before bein' adopted out into loving, forever homes of their very own. In other words, officially rescued.

The Anjellicle Cats Rescue helps rescue cats in New York City, daily.  It is a "no-kill, all-volunteer, not-for-profit 501(c)(3) organisation" and a "member of the Mayor's Alliance and a New Hope Partner with the New York Animal Care & Control (ACC)."  Their "goal is to help make New York City a no kill city" and "for over ten years, [their] Hell's Kitchen-based organisation has been a lifeline for abandoned, stray, and neglected cats and kittens."  They "work closely with the ACC to pull out those who are in danger of being euthanized. Each one is welcomed with kindness and medical attention, with the goal of placement into a permanent, loving home."

The above quotes are straight from the Anjellicle Cats Rescue's Facebook page but if you wanna know even more about them, just click on their name, Anjellicle Cats Rescue, to be teleported to their website.

Are you back yet?  Back from their website?  Good.

One last thing.  Christmas is less then nine months away.  I know, seems likes forever but believe-you-me, before we know it, peeps'll be out there shoppin', for sure. How 'bout tuckin' away a few copies of Rescued: The Stories of 12 Cats, Through Their Eyes for Christmas gifts?  Or for birthdays or Hanukkah or... Or maybe 'cause you simply feel like givin' someone a gift filled with love?

The book is extremely well priced and with a donation with every purchase goin' to help rescue animals, it's a win-win situation, for sure.

So there you have it, my friends.  My big news. I've been published.  Gonna go celebrate with some nip and a nap and maybe some cuddles with the peep. Or maybe just an extra-long nap.  Or maybe some extra-strong nip?  I'll decide later.  Yup, I'll decide after I have that nip and uh, maybe a snack.  Hmmm...  Mmmm...

MOUSES!

             *********************************************************************

Again, you can order your very own copy (or two!) of Rescued:  The Stories of 12 Cats, Through Their Eyes through your friendly local bookseller or right here on Amazon and please remember that during the month of April, a portion of all sales will go to help Anjellicle Cats Rescue save even more cats' lives.  purrs