What's that, Saffy? Peepers is like the dirty ol' man over on the next street, you ask?
No... *hee hee hee* No, that dirty ol' man is a different kinda dirty, for sure. PLUS, that dirty ol' man is a man. Peepers isn't a man. Peepers is a female peep, you see.
But back to the dirt.
What's that, Saffy? Peepers is diggin' the dirt like the writers for tabloids do, you ask?
Well, no. Again, that's a different kinda dirty, for sure. Peepers doesn't spout lies 'bout other peeps or cats or anyone else.
I don't think.
But back to the dirt. AGAIN.
SAFFY, QUIT ASKIN' STUPID QUESTIONS!
Yeah, well I saw your whiskers twitch. You were gettin' ready to ask another silly question. I could tell.
Okay, THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM.
Now back to the dirt. My Peep #1 is the dirtiest gardener around...
SAFFY... I'M WARNIN' YOU....
As I was sayin', Peepers is the dirtiest gardener around. Never, ever, ever, IN ALL MY NINE LIVES, have I ever seen a peep come inside after workin' in the garden covered in as much dirt as my peep. It's on her paws, her clothes, her face, and even in her hair! And some of it, I am sure, must be ground right in, probably never to come out again. I swear, she must lie down in the garden and roll around in the dirt, makin' sure she's covered in grime from top to bottom. HOW ELSE could she end up so dirty?
What's that, Saffy?
Well you do have a point there Saffy, my man. I, too, like a good dust bath out in the sun. Yes I, too, have been known to lie down in the dirt and start rollin' around, and...
BUT WE'RE NOT TALKING 'BOUT ME, ARE WE. We're talking 'bout the peep. Peepers. And Peepers' apparent penchant for gettin' herself covered in dirt whilst out playin' in the garden and stuff. And...
WHAT IS IT IN NOW, SAFFRON. WHAT?
Yeah, yeah... I like playin' in the garden, too.
I may like playin' in the garden BUT I DON'T get covered in dirt like Peepers does, you see. And I have the decency to give myself a good shake after havin' a dirt bath, before comin' inside. And when I do have a dirt bath, I roll 'round in the sand. SAND. Not mud or whatever Peepers was rolling 'round in 'cause it couldn't have been sand 'cause sand comes off with one of those aforementioned good shakes.
AND IF ANY DIRT DOES get a little ground in and not freely shake off, I give myself a good bath to get rid of the evidence that I...
Now I should clarify that when I say evidence, I really mean... Uh... Trace.
'CAUSE IT'S ONLY EVIDENCE IF YOU WERE BEIN' NAUGHTY WHILST ROLLING 'ROUND IN THE GARDEN RIGHT WHERE PEEPERS PLANTED ALL THOSE ITTY WITTY BABY PLANTS THAT MIGHT GET CRUSHED TO SMITHEREENS SHOULD A KITTY HAPPEN TO ACCIDENTALLY ROLL 'ROUND ON 'EM LIKE THAT.
And I definitely wasn't doin' that.
Must have been some other orange kitty, I think.