Good grief, Peepers, what have you done? What have you done?
I said, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
You've done some pretty stupid stuff in your life, Peepers, and I've witnessed it all. But this time... Well this time takes the cake, to be sure. Are you aware we now have the stinkiest garden in the whole, entire neighbourhood? Are you aware?
I said, ARE YOU AWARE?
Well let me tell you somethin', ol' peep of mine. I went outside yesterday mornin' only to find a bevy of deer havin' a meetin', and they were none too pleased, to be sure.
Bevy? What in tarnation is a bevy, you ask?
I think it's a bunch.
But anyway, as I was sayin', this bevy of deer were mighty upset and at first I wasn't sure why. Oh sure, I knew it was about you. I knew YOU were the one who had upset 'em. I mean, who else would do somethin' like that. But I didn't know exactly WHAT you had done to upset 'em so much.
But then I detected a faint whiff of somethin' in the air. Somethin' stinky, to be exact. IN FACT, somethin' so stinky I almost ran inside to get a clothespin to cover my nose. AND I WOULD HAVE done exactly that until I thought better of it, 'cause you know...
It's mighty hard to breath with a clothespin stuck on your nose.
So I sat there for a mo, ponderin' what to do next. Should I investigate this assault on my nose? Or should I just ask that bunch or bevy of deer why they were so darned upset.
That was 'bout when one of the deer stuck a petition in my face. They wanted me to sign, you see, and figured I would on account of my facial expression as I held my breath and was about to collapse from lack of breathable air.
And that's when I saw it.
Or smelled it.
APPARENTLY, ol' peep of mine, those bars of soap you cut up and scattered all over, have not gone unnoticed. Not gone unnoticed by the deer. And just how many of 'em did you use, anyway? From the stink of it, I'd say at least a couple dozen.
And why did you do somethin' so stupid? WHY? Are you insinuatin' the deer need to bathe?
'Cause that's what they're thinkin', Peepers, and like I said earlier: they're really not pleased.
Although to tell you the truth, there were a couple who could do with a good bath, to be sure. I didn't say anythin', however, on account of my not wantin' to insult 'em any more than YOU had insulted 'em, already.
Plus, those long legs of theirs look like they might be mighty good at kickin'.
And speakin' of bein' insultin'...
Speakin' of bein' insultin', the deer are upset not only 'bout the bathin' thing, but also 'bout your havin' stunk up their mornin' meal.
You know, the tulips.
What? What's that, Peepers? What's that you're babblin' on about now?
Stinkin' up the bed of tulips was what you were tryin' to do?
Nope, I think you're gonna have to elaborate a little, ol' peep of mine. Why would you WANT to stink up their food?
'Cause the tulips were never meant to be food.
SO WOULD YOU PLEASE GO OUT THERE AND GATHER UP ALL YOUR BITS OF STINKY SOAP SO I WON'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO RESORT TO STICKIN' A CLOTHESPIN ON MY NOSE.