So there I was, TOTALLY MINDIN' MY OWN BUSINESS, pokin' my nose into cupboards and drawers and those types of things, when I came across a mysterious list. The list was a list of...
Now what was that word that they used?
Oh yeah, the list was a list of "TRANSGRESSIONS."
Now I, bein' a cat who has never transgressed anyone in all his nine lives, knew the mysterious list could absolutely, NOT POSSIBLY pertain to me.
But upon further inspection of the mysterious list, I realised there were a number of things on said list, that I, Seville the Cat, had been known to do.
AND WHOMEVER WROTE SAID MYSTERIOUS LIST, WAS CALLING MY ACTIONS, TRANSGRESSIONS!
Well that was just stupid, I thought to myself. Stupid as stupid could be. Imagine bein' so stupid as to think that doin' somethin' like bein' all judgemental-like and callin' his peeps stupid was a transgression.
Okay, so when I put it like that, it does actually sound kinda transgression-like, doesn't it.
Even if it is true.
Fact is, when I, Seville the Cat, judge my ridiculously stupid peeps, it's because I know that that's exactly what they happen to be.
Do they seriously expect me to LIE?
And speakin' of lyin'....
Well of course, I, Seville the Cat, HAVE NEVER, EVER, EVER done anythin' like lyin'. Not even once. Not in all my nine lives.
But before I read any further, I decided it was of the utmost importance to discover just who had been stupid and foolish enough to have written the list.
Hmmm... Anonymouse. Anonymouse? That's not even a word.
Clearly, the list had been written by either a non-speller or... Or someone who thinks they're capable of the inventin' of words. Someone super smart and creative and stuff.
Who does this someone think he or she is? SOMEONE LIKE ME?
Hmmm... Bragging 'bout ones own self-worth and havin' delusions of grandeur was listed as another transgression that had been committed.
BUT SURELY IT DOESN'T COUNT WHEN YOU ACTUALLY ARE AS SMART AND CREATIVE AS YOU'RE CLAIMIN' TO BE.
That's not delusional at all.
What's this, now? What's this underneath this ol' list?
An envelope addressed to Santa.
AN ENVELOPE ADDRESSED TO SANTA?
Oh my gosh and my golly, someone out there has it out for me, for sure. SOMEONE is thinkin' they can tell Santa lies about me, tellin' him I've been goin' around committin' transgressions. SOMEONE is hopin' to get me in trouble. And with only one week left before Christmas!
Which is bad, if you didn't already know, 'cause it's really hard to get your name removed from the Naughty List in only a week.
Believe me, I know.
I'M GONNA FIGURE OUT WHO WROTE THIS LIST IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO. AND WHEN I DO FIGURE IT OUT, WHOMEVER IT WAS IS GONNA REGRET IT, FOR SURE.. AND...
Gosh darn it. Apparently the seekin' of revenge is considered a transgression as well.
Remember to mask up, too.