It's a new day.
It's a new year.
It's ninety-four weeks.
And for those of you keepin' track of this ol' pandemic thingy in cat seconds, that's five hundred and eleven million, six hundred and sixty thousand, eight hundred.
Cat seconds, that is.
Think I already mentioned that.
But back to this New Year business.
So yesterday was the first day of the brand new year and so far, so good.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is. Peepers hasn't done anythin' to annoy me, you see.
But give her time, my friends. Give her time! Given enough time, I'm sure she'll come up with somethin' to annoy me, for sure.
Now with it bein' the New Year, and all, you're probably wonderin' what kinda New Year Resolutions I've come up with for myself. What kinda things I'm plannin' to do in the year 2022.
Well you can stop wonderin' right now, my friends, 'cause I'm about to tell you.
Are you listenin'?
Have you got your ears open wide?
Okay, my New Year Resolutions for 2022 are...
NOT A SINGLE STUPID THING!
That's right, my good friends, not a single thing. I don't have a single New Year Resolution to do. None. Not one. Nothin'. Nothin' as in zero and zilch.
And I'm thinkin' this year is gonna be my year for KEEPIN' my New Year Resolutions, for sure.
You know, on account of my not havin' any to keep.
Peepers, on the other paw, has stupidly given herself some to do.
Stupid, unappreciative peep.
And what are Peepers' New Year Resolutions, you ask?
Well for starters, she has resolved that this year is the year she's gonna use that stupid ol' treadmill she got a few months ago, when the air is too cold and the roads are too icy to go walkin' outside.
HEY PEEPERS! You know you've gotta put the thing together before you can use it, right? RIGHT?
Okay, so January 2nd and she has already broken that New Year Resolution, for sure.
It didn't take long.
Yup, January 1st came and went and that ol' treadmill is still sittin' in its box.
A box I, Seville the Cat, could be makin' much better use of, for sure.
And as for her other stupid New Year Resolutions...
Okay, so I don't actually know what those are. She said something 'bout not wantin' to tell me on account of her knowin' I'd go out and blab to all my readers the moment she broke 'em.
And that would be about right.
My gosh my peep knows me well.
But not as well as I know HER...
You know why?
'Cause I know that whatever those other stupid New Year Resolutions of hers are, she's gonna have 'em all broken, lickety-split, and when she does, she's gonna complain about it to SOMEONE, so all I need do is wait around for the chips to fall, as they may, and...
And that's when I'll write all 'bout her failures on this here blog.
'Cause that's what a responsible reportin' kinda kitty should do.
What? What's that, Peepers? What's that you're babblin' on about now?
NO, I'm not tellin' my readers all about you havin' already broken all your stupid New Year Resolutions.
I only told 'em 'bout the first one, so far.
'CAUSE I'M STILL WAITIN' FOR YOU TO BREAK ALL THE OTHERS, THAT'S WHY!
But it really shouldn't take long.
IF IN DOUBT,
DON'T. GO. OUT.
Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures
AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.
Remember to mask up, too.
Remember to mask up, too.