My gosh and my golly, here we are less than a week away from Christmas and I still don't have a prezzie for Peepers!
I know what she wants. She wants Saffron inside, but Saffron has so far been unwillin'.
Can't blame the chap, really. I mean, even though he's still livin' outside, Peepers picks him up whenever she can and covers him in kisses. And he's not impressed when she does that, at all!
Okay, so he actually IS impressed, but definitely not in a good way.
Thing is, Saffron knows that if he can get covered in peep kisses and germs while livin' outdoors, goodness knows what would happen if he were inside. He could end up totally smothered!
In kisses, I mean.
*shudders at the thought*
And anyway, my convincin' Saffron to come live indoors wouldn't really be a Christmas prezzie from me to Peepers. It would be more of a prezzie from Saffron. And a prezzie TO Saffron, as well, although the little guy refuses to believe it.
SO WHAT IS A KITTY TO DO?
Me, I mean. What am I gonna do with there bein' less than a week left 'til Christmas and my still not havin' a gift for the peep?
You know, YOU'D THINK that after spendin' the last half a billion - give or take seven hundred and seventy-four thousand, four hundred - cat seconds cooped up here with the peep, I would know by now what to give her for Christmas. I mean, you would think that, wouldn't you? You'd think that maybe I would have picked up a few ideas.
So I'm thinkin' I might...
Well to tell you the truth, I'm thinkin' I might get her a gift certificate or somethin'. Somethin' useful. Somethin' she really, really needs.
Somethin' she wants, too!
So the plan is...
So the plan is, I'm gonna give Peepers a gift certificate for nip mice and treats. Cat treats, of course, 'cause they're the best kind. Plus, I KNOW FOR A FACT that Peepers needs lots of treats.
Cat treats, I mean.
The woman buys 'em every week!
Clearly, it's somethin' she likes.
Oh, and if by chance Peepers doesn't actually want the nip mice and cat treats...
Well that's where I enter the picture with my gift number two: I am more than willin' to take 'em off her paws for her, you see. And that'll be the best gift of all 'cause Christmas is all about givin' - not receivin' - so my givin' her the opportunity TO GIVE ME BACK those treats is really like my givin' her the true meanin' of Christmas, for sure. I'LL BE GIVIN' HER THE GIFT OF GIVIN'!
Which, by the way, is somethin' she has never had the courtesy to do for me.
Plus, I get extra treats.
Oh it's a win-win situation, for sure.
Remember to mask up, too.