Peepers walked into my office, wanting to know what Rushy and I were up to. She looked over at my brother, concern written all over her face. "Rushton, why are your cheeks puffed out like that? Do you have a sore tooth?"
Gasping for air, Rushy fell to the floor. "No. NO! No, no dental. No dental required," he wheezed, limply holding one front paw in the air. "I was only holding my breath," and he wheezed some more.
The peep narrowed eyes. "Why?" she asked, suspiciously.
Not that the peep asked why in a suspicious manner, but rather, she WAS suspicious when she was doin' the asking.
"Can't talk now!" and Rushy took a giant gulp of air in preparation to hold his breath once more.
Well he must have swallowed that air 'cause then came the hiccups. MOUSES!
Yup, saw that one comin' a mile away.
I stopped typing long enough to turn around in my chair and look at the peep. "Peepers, he's threatening to hold his breath until he passes out unless I promise to stop blogging about him. Or at least, until I promise to stop writing embarrassing things about him on Nerissa's Life."
The peep and I locked eyes.
"You wanna tell him, or shall I?" I asked her.
Scooping my long-haired freak of a brother up in her arms, Peepers said, "Rushton, stop that right now. Take a breath for goodness sake. You NEED to breathe."
Moments before again almost passing out, Rushton obliged and took a deep breath.
The peep sighed and gave Rushy a scratch under his chin. "Yeah, that's not going to work," she whispered in his ear.
"TOLD YOU!" I cried, looking up from the computer screen. "Told you your threats weren't gonna work, Rushy. You should have listened to me in the first place."
"Rushy," began the peep, "you can't use the threat of doing something that will hurt you more than it will hurt the person - or in this case cat - you're threatening." She held up a paw... I mean, hand. "Not that I want you doing anything to hurt Seville. I don't want you to do anything where you'll hurt yourself, either. Rushton, threatening to hold your breath until you pass out can only hurt you, so Seville isn't going to feel very threatened by your... Well... Threat."
Rushy appeared to mull over the peep's words for a bit before saying, "But I've watched people do exactly that on TV. More than once, too!"
Peepers furrowed her brow. "What have you been watching? Shows on parenting? Programs about dealing with the terrible twos?"
Rushy shook his head back and forth. "No, I've been watching the news. Politics, I think."
The peep rolled her eyes and under her breath, muttered, "Oh."
Still sitting at the computer, I shook my head in disgust. "Tsk tsk."
"But Peepers..." Rushy whined like a toddler on catnip, "I watched on TV where some guy was ranting and raving and flinging his arms in the air and making all sorts of threats just to get what he wanted, and..."
"DID he get what he wanted?" the peep asked.
Rushy pondered the peep's question. "I think we find that out in season two."
I imagined the peep was rolling her eyes again but didn't turn 'round to look, on account of my busily typing. "Rushy, what was that you said, again? Can you repeat that last line? I want to make sure I use your exact words so that..."
"THAT DOES IT!" yelled my brother. "See what he's doing, Peepers? He's writing about me on his blog again! He's making me look bad."
"Not bad," I denied. "Silly, perhaps, but not bad. At least not in an evil kinda way. But seriously, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried."
"PEEPERS..." wailed Rushy.
"PEEPERS..." I furiously typed.
"PEEPERS..." Rushy cried again, this time more loudly.
At that point I turned 'round. "Rushton, your dialogue is gettin' a little repetitive. You wanna come up with...."
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP BEEP BEEP! BEEP!
"An expletive or two? That'll do. Mouses Rushy, I didn't even know you knew words like that."
The peep suddenly appeared by my side, her paw... I mean, hand, hoverin' over the keyboard. "I think that's enough blogging for today, Seville." Her words were quiet but firm. She obviously meant business. MOUSES!
"FINE," and I started to shut down the computer. "But since I'm apparently done writing for the day, you think you could rustle up some snacks for your two favourite kitties?"
"You're pushing it, Seville, but okay."
Leaving my office with the peep trailing behind, I elbowed Rushton in his side. "Hey Rushy, I dare you to eat whatever Peepers gives us in like... Uh... One minute. Yeah, I dare you to scarf it all done."
"Okay Sivvers, but eating that quickly, I'll likely hork it right back up."
I smiled to myself. Next week's blog post was practically writing itself.