"Hey Peepers, come take a looksie at this. What do you suppose he's doing out there, huh?"
The peep shrugged. I shrugged. We both shrugged together.
"You think he could be diggin' for gold out there? Or diamonds? Or uh... Or somethin' good, like the nip?"
"He probably went to the bathroom and is covering it up, Seville." Peepers rolled her eyes with an accompanying loud sigh. "There are perfectly good litter boxes in the house and yet Rushton decides to go outdoors. Right in the middle of the lawn, too," she added with a scowl.
"Nope, that's not it," I told her. "He already pooped in the box. My gosh, woman, didn't you smell it when you came in the room?"
The peep glanced toward the two litter boxes outside the bathroom door and noticing one had been recently used, she headed over to clean it out. Goodness knows how she hadn't smelled it earlier. Must have a defective honker, or somethin' like that. MOUSES!
"So anyway," I began again, anxious to get our little conversation back on track. "What do you suppose he's looking for out there? Gold? Diamonds? Catnip? Anythin' else of value that might be there?"
Clearly it was not only the peep's nose that was out of order. Her hearin' appeared to be impaired, too.
"I SAID, WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE HE'S LOOKING FOR OUT THERE? GOLD? DIAMONDS? OR BETTER YET, CATNIP?"
"You don't have to yell, Seville. If Rushy's not using the lawn as a bathroom, he's probably just digging for the fun of it."
"Are you MAD, woman? We cats don't dig for fun. We're not dogs, you know. Dogs dig all the time for no reason other than to dig. Or to find some bone they buried way back when, then forgot where it was they buried it. Hmmm... You think Rushy could be digging for bones?"
The peep narrowed her eyes and gave me one of those looks. You know the ones. The looks that humans get when they realize they're incapable of keeping up with the intricate and complex thought processes of us cats. MOUSES!
"Nah, he can't be digging for bones," I said. "We cats have like zero interest in bones. Bones are for dogs and pretty much useless to us cats. In fact, they're not even safe for us to have. You should know that, Peepers. You should know 'bout not giving us cats, bones."
"Seville, you and your brother roll around in the dirt all the time. I see no difference between rolling around in it and digging it up."
"Peepers, dirt baths are a necessity of life. Like water and air, not to mention snacks. You know, those kinda things. Necessity things. Dirt baths have nothin' at all to do with digging in the ground."
The peep and I took a moment to stare out the window at Rushy once more, who was now digging even more furiously than before. He was digging like a madcat, for sure.
I briefly entertained the thought my brother might be tryin' to dig his way down and through the Earth, all the way to China, but then realized how foolish that sounded. EVERYONE KNOWS if you go straight through the Earth from Nova Scotia, on the other side you'll end up in the middle of an ocean. Nowhere near China, at all. Even Rushy knows that.
What's more, he was getting nowhere, real fast.
Probably on account of the fact that he still hadn't managed to break through the lawn.
And then, as suddenly as he had started, Rushton stopped digging, all on his own.
Then he squatted.
Yup, right there in the middle of the lawn, for all the world to see.
"Well would you look at that," I said with surprise. "I guess Rushy forgot to pee earlier when he used the litter box to poop. Who knew?"
"May I go now?" asked the peep.
"Yes, you are excused. But don't go too far, Peepers. I'm feelin' the need to use the little boys' room, myself. You might wanna stick around to clean out the box when I'm done. Oh, and Peepers?"
"You should plan on hauling out the broom from the closet, 'cause all of a sudden, I'm feeling in the mood to scatter a lot of litter about."