Wednesday, 1 May 2019

stinky bum

You all know my sister Mason, right?  The pretty little girl with the terribly stinky bum?

MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

What do you MEAN Mason wouldn't appreciate my tellin' the world she has a bit of a stinky bum?  'Cause let me tell you somethin', Peepers, I wasn't too keen on havin' that stinky bum of hers stuck in my face last night.  I wasn't too keen on that, at all.  I wasn't keen on account of the bum not bein' clean, and...

What?

WHAT?

Oh.

Really?

But what do you MEAN Mason would be embarrassed to know I was talking 'bout her like that?  It's not like I don't talk about other embarrassing things on my blog.  I talk about all the embarrassing things YOU do all the time.

MOUSES!

What?

WHAT?

FINE.

Er-hmm...  I have been informed that I'm not allowed to tell anyone about Mason's stinky bum.

MOUSES!

So just pretend I didn't say anythin' about it, earlier.  Okay?

So anyway...

So anyway, YOU DIDN'T HEAR THIS FROM ME, but this mornin', Mason had to go to the doctor's on account of her havin' a bit of a...

Uh...

Um....

A non rose-scented bum.

MOUSES!

Turns out, she's a tad constipated.

WHAT NOW, Peepers?

I'm not allowed to tell my readers Mason is constipated, either?

MOUSES!

First I'm not allowed to talk about this, and then I"m not allowed to talk about that.  Friggity-frack-de-quack-der-knack.  I'M BEIN' MUZZLED, I say.  MUZZLED!

MOUSES!

Okay, so this mornin', my sister Mason had to go to the doctor's to hang out for the afternoon, drinkin' nip-infused laxative teas while bathing in a rose-scented bath, and...

WHAT?  WHAT'S WRONG NOW?  What's wrong with what I just said, Peepers?  WHAT?  Are you sayin' I'm not allowed to talk about roses, either?

MOUSES!

Apparently, the peep thinks it's best I not say anythin' about Mason's afternoon at the uh...

Um...

At the place I'm not allowed to say, where she's doin' what I'm not allowed to talk about, and stuff.

BUT YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM ME.

Okay?

So anyway, Mason will be comin' home around supper time, and hopefully, minus one very embarrassing, not-smellin'-of-roses, stinky bum.

MOUSES!

********

*ring ring...  ring ring*

You have reached the home of Seville the Cat.  Please leave a message at the tone.

Good afternoon, this is the kitty-cat hospital.  Miss Mason is awake and in recovery, and will be ready to go home after five, today.

********


Hmmm...  You know what, Peepers?  I see your point.  That IS embarrassing.  Mason will be SO EMBARRASSED to know the nurse called her Miss Mason like she was nothing more than a strikingly beautiful Southern debutante belle.  You know, instead of her preferred title:  HER ROYAL HIGHNESS, RULER OF ALL THE LAND AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE WHILE STANDING ON ONE'S TIPPY TOES WAY UP AT THE TOP OF ONE'S GOLD-PLATED, DIAMOND ENCRUSTED PEDESTAL.

Yeah, that one.  That's the title Mason asked us all to commit to memory and announce whenever she enters a room.


MOUSES!

6 comments:

  1. Dang, I do hope everything came out okay. Seville, no picking on Rosy!

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  2. Mason, I hope you feel better after all of that! And we won't tell anyone that Seville let the entire interwebs know that your intestines were a little stopped up!

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  3. mason; ya still bee gorgeouz...N ya noe what...we got smellee bumz AND fish breath ;) !!!

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  4. We wish Miss Mason a speedy "back to dinner and what comes after"
    How about that. Hey we have Rumpy who has a stinky bum but his stinky is on the outside hence the regular wrasslin with dad at the tub. Hoo Cat stinky bums can be tuff

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  5. Poor Mason. Brody can sympathize, he has had that problem with constipation. XO

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  6. Better hope Mason does not read your blog or you could be in the stink, Seville old boy!

    ReplyDelete

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