He did it.
SERIOUSLY, Peepers, HE did it.
Oh yeah. Yup. Definitely, and for sure.
Proof? You want PROOF? Is my word not good enough for you now?
It's a he said - he said kinda thing, you say? What you MEAN it's a he said - he said kinda thing? I SAY, he did it, and THAT'S all that matters, for sure.
And you're sayin' there are witnesses and everythin', huh?
Now by witnesses, what are we talkin' about here? Did these witnesses witness someone - we won't say whom - doin' the dirty deed? OR are these witnesses merely alibiin' my brother? Inquirin' minds wanna know.
Well then it's actually a he said - he said - she said kinda thing, isn't it? But I'M still sayin' it was Andy who knocked over the plant pot in the sunroom, and I don't care if Mason says she saw Andy outside at the time of the crime, thereby givin' him an alibi. I'M SAYIN' it was Andy who did the dirty deed.
Listen up, Peepers, THE ONLY REASON I even tolerate havin' fur-sibs, is on account of their bein' handy to blame when stuff like this happens. THE ONLY REASON. I mean, if you can't blame a fur-sib for your crimes, what's the purpose of having fur-sibs at all?
Wait a minute.
Perhaps that didn't come out quite right.
Did I just imply that the crime in question was mine?
'Cause if I did, that's not at all what I meant.
WHAT I MEANT TO SAY was, alleged crimes.
ACTUALLY, what I REALLY MEANT to say was, alleged crimes that somebody else committed, but for some inexplicable reason, I, Seville the Cat, am bein' blamed.
Yeah, that's what I meant to say, for sure.
Oh, and by the way, Andy didn't just knock over one plant pot in the sunroom. You must have missed that other one he knocked over on the far side of the chair. Easy to miss, Peepers. You have to actually be over on the far side of the chair to see that the plant pot has been tipped over, but once you're there, IT'S AS PLAIN AS DAY, for sure. I know on account of my bein'...
Of my bein' over there when...
Of my bein' over there tryin' to help clean up the mess. Yeah, that's it. I was over there bein' helpful and stuff, tryin' to clean up the mess some OTHER cat made. You know, some other cat named Andy.
AND I DON'T CARE WHAT MASON SAYS. She wasn't there when the incident occurred. I should know, on account of my...
Bottom line is, HE DID IT.