You ever notice how...
How peeps expect us cats to play nicely together, and yet...
Perhaps I should start at the beginnin'.
So the other day, I was out there in the garden tendin' my baby catnip plants. You know, watering 'em, feeding 'em, giving 'em some LOVE, makin' sure my fur-sibs WEREN'T lovin' on 'em... That sort of thing. So I was out there tendin' my garden when I noticed that a few of my precious baby catnip plants were missin' some leaves.
My first thought was, "MOUSES!"
My second thought was "MOUSES!", too!
My third thought was...
"WHO THE MOUSES HAS BEEN EATIN' MY CATNIP?"
Okay, so those weren't really thoughts, per se. They were more like what I yelled out loud for all the neighbours to hear.
Well when none of the neighbours came runnin' to confess, I knew I had a problem on my paws, for sure. There was one of two things goin' on, and neither was good. The first possibility was that my fur-sibs were hosting nip and cheese parties out in my back yard. The second possibility was some kinda insect had taken a likin' to the nip.
What was a gardenin' kitty to do?
I figured that if the damage was bein' done by my fur-sibs, a few well-placed smacky-paws would likely do the trick. But if there were bugs eatin' my plants...
OH MY MOUSES, WHAT WAS A GARDENIN' KITTY TO DO?
So I thought about it for a bit and the answer came to me, lickety-split.
"I know!" I cried. "I'll do what peeps do. I'll join a kitty gardenin' group on Facebook. MOUSES!"
Turns out, there are no Facebook groups for cats who grow the nip.
Can you believe it?
So I checked out a few of the non-nip gardenin' groups for peeps.
Well let me tell you somethin', my friends, it was like wadin' through a hornets' nest after takin' a dip in a bowl full of honey, for sure.
You know, you'd think a bunch of dirt diggin' peeps would know how to behave themselves.
Well think again, my friends. THINK AGAIN.
It was worse than that time I saw a doggy at the doggy park steal another doggy's softball.
Those peeps do NOT know how to play nicely, at all.
Judge Jude would have a HAY DAY with 'em, for sure.
And if my fur-sibs and I were to behave like those peeps, MY peeps would be runnin' around, lockin' us up in separate rooms.
You know, I'd SAY they were behavin' like animals, but...
But as a cat, I WOULD TAKE OFFENCE TO THAT.
Just because one peep does somethin' differently from another peep, it doesn't that mean said peep HAS to go 'round tellin' all the other peeps they're stupid and stuff.
If somebody should be tellin' peeps they're stupid, it should be me. You know, on account of my bein' a cat.
And let me tell you somethin' else: There AREN'T ENOUGH smacky-paws to go around, to smacky-paw enough sense into those peeps for them to find their way into adulthood.
And let me tell you ANOTHER thing, too.
Remember those missin' nip leaves on my baby nip plants? You know the ones. The ones that had gone missin'.
Well it turns out...
Turns out, those were the leaves I uh...
Well those were the leaves that I, Seville the Cat, had been um...
Been nibblin' upon the day before.
You know... QUALITY CONTROL.
I had kinda forgotten 'bout that.
PS. After snoopin' around those Facebook groups and listenin' to a myriad of peeps bickerin' with one another, I think I'm gonna have to do a little MORE nibblin'...
I mean, QUALITY CONTROLIN', for sure.