Do I have to?
Do I really, really have to?
Like as in... Uh.... Really?
But Peepers, are you sure?
Are you sure as in... Sure?
Are you really, really sure?
You are, huh?
Now Peepers, are you sure you're sure? Are you absolutely, positively sure that you really are, in fact, sure? Or do you think you could be wrong about bein' sure? Do you think you might be wrong 'bout bein' right, and that I might be right 'bout your bein' wrong? Do you think that could be what's goin' on?
Really? 'Cause you know, it's not like that hasn't happened before.
Peepers, you know, it's really not nice to say stuff like that. Let me go get some soap for you to wash out your mouth, and...
Peepers, really and truly, I really do think you're wrong. And I really do think I'm right. I really do think...
No, Peepers, Christmas is a whole seventy-eight days away. Santa hasn't even started compiling his naughty list yet, so there's no way I'm in any kind of danger of gettin' on that list. Not that I'm doin' anythin' to get myself on it in the first place. But even if I were, doin' somethin' naughty, that is, it's too early to make the list.
I do so know! I KNOW FOR A FACT, cats can be mischievous and naughty right up 'til November 24th. Fact is, just last year, I was doin' exactly that. I was bein' naughty right up 'til thirty days before Christmas last year, and not one of the naughty things I did got me on Santa's list. Facts are facts, Peepers. You can't argue with that. Well you can, but it would be stupid. MOUSES!
What? What's that? What exactly was I doin' that was so naughty?
Uhhh... Never mind. Nothin' for you to worry 'bout at all.
But none of that even matters, Peepers, on account of my not bein' naughty right now. Actually, YOU'RE the one bein' naughty, by disagreeing with me. Tellin' me I'm wrong, and insistin' you're right, and...
'Cause you are wrong, that's why.
Peepers, let me explain this once more. When a kitty is listin' the things for which said kitty is thankful, on Thanksgivin', it is absolutely wrong for that kitty to lie about those things.
Yes Peepers, even if lyin' is the polite thing to do, it's still wrong to lie. 'Cause lyin' is wrong, and it can never be right.
And that, Peepers, is why I don't think I should be tellin' all the world and sundry - although goodness knows who this Sundry person is, 'cause I've never actually met him, you know - that I'm thankful for havin' two long-haired marmie freak brothers, 'cause, as you know, I'm not thankful for havin' them at all. And what's more, I have a multitude of reasons for not bein' thankful 'bout havin' those two freakishly long-haired marmie brothers, too. I can list my reasons, for you. Let tell you the things they do:
They steal my food; They bat at my tail; They think nothin' of usin' MY litter box; They eat more than their fair share of treats; They fart in my face if they manage to get their paws on cream. They...
Oh yeah? Well let me ask you this, Peepers. Are YOU thankful when they fart in YOUR face?
But you're thankful they came to live with us, anyway?
And are you thankful I came to live with you, too?
Never mind. That goes without sayin'. OF COURSE you're thankful for me.
You are. Right? You are thankful I chose this house in which to live.
But on the other paw...
Maybe I can be thankful for those two long-haired marmie freak brothers of mine, Peepers. After all, they're way naughtier than me. In fact, they're so naughty, they make me look like an angel by comparison. And actually, that IS somethin' for which to be thankful, for sure. Especially after the twenty-fourth of November.
Okay, Peepers, I can honestly say this. I can honestly say, I am thankful I have two long-haired marmie freak brothers who, by bein' bad, make me look super good.
Thank you Peepers. Thank you for helpin' me. Thanks for helpin' me put things about bein' thankful, into perspective.
And Happy Thanksgiving, Peepers. In fact, HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO EVERYONE! Purrs.