A cat is heard sighing.
A cat is heard sighing, again. This time, LOUDER.
What? What's that, Peepers? Why am I sighing so loudly, you ask?
Well the thing is, I'm lookin' up there at the chesterfield, and I'm really not likin' what I'm seein'. I'm not likin' what I'm seein', at all. It's bad enough I have to share the couch with you two - peeps - in the first place. It's even worse when I see how the sharin' is gonna be done.
Hey Peepers, you think you could give yourself a shove?
What? What's that, Peepers? There's plenty of room up there, you say?
Yeah, maybe for a family of elves. MOUSES!
Now lookie here, Peepers. I am a cat of somewhat... Uh... Generous proportions, and...
Hmmm... Scratch that. I don't want peeps out there thinkin' I'm chubby or anythin'. I'm not nearly as big as those two long-haired marmie freak brothers of mine, but still...
Let's just say, I'm not a kitten-sized cat. MOUSES!
Now where was I?
Now lookie here, Peepers. I'm a non-kitten-sized kitty, and when I jump up onto the chesterfield, I am in need of my space.
What? What's that, Peepers? The chesterfield seats three peeps, you say?
So? So what? What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?
Or even the cost of livin' on Mars.
Peepers, in case you hadn't noticed, I, Seville the Cat, am not a peep. Like it says in my name, I'm a cat. MOUSES!
What? What's that, Peepers? What is my point, you wonder?
My point is, just 'cause it's a three peep chesterfield, it doesn't mean it'll fit two peeps and a cat. Doesn't mean that, at all..
Sometimes I really wonder 'bout my peeps.
Imagine Peep #1 not knowin' the difference between a peep and a cat. Imagine!
Although this DOES explain a whole lot of things...
Now where was I again?
Now Peepers, like I was sayin', just 'cause that ol' chesterfield can seat three peeps, it does not mean it can seat two peeps and a cat.
Although on the other paw, I suppose it could, in a desperate kinda pinch, seat two peeps and one cat if - and I do mean IF - if the two peeps are willin' to scrunch way over to one end of said chesterfield.
And when I say scrunch, I mean SCRUNCH. Scrunch like you've never scrunched before.
One of you might even have to sit on the other one's lap.
What? What's that, Peepers? You're not gonna sit on each other's laps, you say?
THEN HOW THE MOUSES IS THERE GONNA BE ENOUGH ROOM FOR ME?
Peepers, I, Seville the Cat, need to stretch out. I need to stretch my front paws way, way out in one direction, and my back paws way, way out in the other. And in between, I need to make my middle parts as long as they can POSSIBLY be.
And then there's my tail.
What? What's that, Peepers? It sounds like I'm sayin' I need half the couch all to myself, you say?
Well that IS what I'm sayin', Peepers. That's what I've been sayin' all along.
Boy-oh-boy, you really are pretty slow on the uptake, aren't ya. The whole point of the conversation is that I need at least half of the chesterfield in order to make myself comfortable, and...
Scratch that. Half isn't gonna be nearly enough.
What I really wanna say, Peepers, is that I need about two thirds of the chesterfield to make myself comfy. Now what you and the other peep do with that leftover third is up to the two of you. I'm sure you can figure it out.
WELL IF SHARIN' ONE THIRD OF A THREE-PEEP CHESTERFIELD IS TOO MUCH TROUBLE FOR YOU TWO, MIGHT I SUGGEST THAT ONE OF YOU SIT ON THE FLOOR.