Wednesday, 30 August 2017

shove over

A cat is heard sighing.

A cat is heard sighing, again.  This time, LOUDER.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  Why am I sighing so loudly, you ask?

Well...

Well the thing is, I'm lookin' up there at the chesterfield, and I'm really not likin' what I'm seein'. I'm not likin' what I'm seein', at all.  It's bad enough I have to share the couch with you two - peeps - in the first place.  It's even worse when I see how the sharin' is gonna be done.

Hey Peepers, you think you could give yourself a shove?

What?  What's that, Peepers?  There's plenty of room up there, you say?

Yeah, maybe for a family of elves.  MOUSES!

Now lookie here, Peepers.  I am a cat of somewhat...  Uh...  Generous proportions, and...

Hmmm...  Scratch that.  I don't want peeps out there thinkin' I'm chubby or anythin'.  I'm not nearly as big as those two long-haired marmie freak brothers of mine, but still...

Let's just say, I'm not a kitten-sized cat.  MOUSES!

Now where was I?

Oh yeah.

Now lookie here, Peepers.  I'm a non-kitten-sized kitty, and when I jump up onto the chesterfield, I am in need of my space.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  The chesterfield seats three peeps, you say?

So?  So what?  What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

Or even the cost of livin' on Mars.

Peepers, in case you hadn't noticed, I, Seville the Cat, am not a peep.  Like it says in my name, I'm a cat.  MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What is my point, you wonder?

My point is, just 'cause it's a three peep chesterfield, it doesn't mean it'll fit two peeps and a cat.  Doesn't mean that, at all..

Sometimes I really wonder 'bout my peeps.

Imagine Peep #1 not knowin' the difference between a peep and a cat.  Imagine!

Although this DOES explain a whole lot of things...

MOUSES!

Now where was I again?

Oh yeah.

Now Peepers, like I was sayin', just 'cause that ol' chesterfield can seat three peeps, it does not mean it can seat two peeps and a cat.

Although on the other paw, I suppose it could, in a desperate kinda pinch, seat two peeps and one cat if - and I do mean IF - if the two peeps are willin' to scrunch way over to one end of said chesterfield.

And when I say scrunch, I mean SCRUNCH.  Scrunch like you've never scrunched before.

One of you might even have to sit on the other one's lap.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  You're not gonna sit on each other's laps, you say?

THEN HOW THE MOUSES IS THERE GONNA BE ENOUGH ROOM FOR ME?

Peepers, I, Seville the Cat, need to stretch out.  I need to stretch my front paws way, way out in one direction, and my back paws way, way out in the other.  And in between, I need to make my middle parts as long as they can POSSIBLY be.

And then there's my tail.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  It sounds like I'm sayin' I need half the couch all to myself, you say?

Well that IS what I'm sayin', Peepers.  That's what I've been sayin' all along.


Boy-oh-boy, you really are pretty slow on the uptake, aren't ya.  The whole point of the conversation is that I need at least half of the chesterfield in order to make myself comfortable, and...

Scratch that.  Half isn't gonna be nearly enough.

What I really wanna say, Peepers, is that I need about two thirds of the chesterfield to make myself comfy. Now what you and the other peep do with that leftover third is up to the two of you. I'm sure you can figure it out.

WELL IF SHARIN' ONE THIRD OF A THREE-PEEP CHESTERFIELD IS TOO MUCH TROUBLE FOR YOU TWO, MIGHT I SUGGEST THAT ONE OF YOU SIT ON THE FLOOR.

MOUSES!

40 comments:

  1. Wait, what? Two humans and one cat on a three-person chesterfield? That math is totally wrong - a three-person chesterfield fits exactly ONE cat!

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  2. Be it sofas or beds, a cat needs his or her room and the peeps just don't seem to make the furniture the right size these days. Maybe whats you need is your own sofa, Seville!
    Toodle pip and purrrs
    ERin

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  3. Ha ha quite rightly so Seville got to have your space on the chesterfield.Maybe you could have all off it if the peeps love you that much they won't mind sitting on the floor...im sure.x🐾🐾🐾🐾😻💕

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    Replies
    1. And if the floor isn't clean enough for 'em, they both know where vacuum is kept. MOUSES!

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  4. You should always have first dibs on any comfy spot!

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  5. dood....tell de peepz ta go getz her own chesterfeeld N leeve yurz a lone....ore yea for sure... cozee up on de floor ~~~~ ☺☺♥♥

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    Replies
    1. I DID tell her that! She didn't listen. *sighs* MOUSES!

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  6. Why can't the peeps just sit on the floor, they are young enough that they can still get up off the floor. :)

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    Replies
    1. I know! I mean, how hard can it be for them to do somethin' like that? MOUSES!

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  7. Wait wait wait. They expect you to share with not just ONE person, but TWO!?!? I've finally trained my Momma to leave my desk chair alone when I'm in it. FINALLY. No more of this "sharing" nonsense. I can't believe the Peeps are that dense. ~Bear Cat

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    Replies
    1. Yup, that's right. Can you believe it? My havin' to share with TWO peeps. MOUSES!

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  8. Don't they know cats have first dibs?
    Try to have a wonderful Sunday anyway...

    Noodle and crew

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    Replies
    1. I'm beginnin' to think I might have to MAKE 'EM UNDERSTAND 'bout this first dibs thing. A strategically placed hair ball might do the trick. MOUSES!

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  9. Well, Seville, I say go for the whole Chesterfield! Why be cramped by peeps on that upholstery at all? Of course you could invite them to sit on it from time to time when you want a warm lap nest, but otherwise I'm sure they can find another place in the house to sit. Right?! Tee hee hee!

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  10. Lengthy and PAWS-PURR-ous, Pal. Just the way a King of Cats should be. ;)

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  11. MOL Seville you tell them as you are the King of the house, I love your stories they are just amazing

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    Replies
    1. You do? You enjoy my blog? Hearin' that makes my heart purr, for sure. PURRS.

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  12. half the couch or the whole bed! that's the deal! LOL

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    Replies
    1. Or... Or how 'bout THE WHOLE couch and the whole bed, too. PURRS

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  13. Wait seville, you DON'T have a sofa of your own? This is abuse, I need to fly over to Canada and have a word with your Premiere/President/Person-In-Charge!!

    This is a disgrace of epic proportions and major magnitude. To the pumps guys to the Pumps!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please do! Our Premier lives quite close by. Five minute teleport at the most.

      How do you feel 'bout flyin' fryin' pan transport, Marjorie? purrs

      Delete
  14. So, who ended up sitting on the floor? I bet it wasn't one of the peeps! Maybe they should invest in a four-peep chesterfield. Would that work for you? Or would you then need three-fourths of it and they only get one cushion to share? Too much math going on here!

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm... Yup. I'd need AT LEAST three quarters of that four-peep chesterfield, for sure. purrs

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  15. Ha! This sounds like something my cat Precious would have done. "Sorry you want to sit here? There's plenty of floor space for you !" LOL

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    Replies
    1. Sounds to me like Precious was very, VERY wise. PURRS

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  16. My cat has the same problem. His favorite spot is the exact spot that my son has claimed. There are 3 identical sofas in the room, but only one good spot. Always a struggle.

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    1. You have three sofas? Three? In ONE room? I am SO jealous, for sure. I mean, with three sofas, I'd never have to share with the peeps again. MOUSES!

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  17. Obviously a cat needs the whole chesterfield to themselves. Your peeps definitely need a lesson on proper couch-sharing etiquette. We hope they scrunched over for you, Seville!

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    Replies
    1. OBVIOUSLY! Why-oh-why is it so difficult for my peeps to understand? MOUSES!

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  18. MOL sounds like the peeps just need their own chesterfield! After all this one is YOURS!

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    1. You've got THAT right! Has my name on it and everythin'. MOUSES!

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  19. Seville, I hope you were able to work this out to your satisfaction. Of course, that would mean the whole thing to yourself!

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  20. MOL! Mom Paula has resorted to sitting on the floor when we choose to sit on the sofa. She's even turned around and walked back into the other room when Truffle is occupying the office chair in front of the computer.

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    Replies
    1. Tell me, when she sits on the floor, does she make a big ol' fake fuss about gettin' back up? Peep #1 has been known to do that. You know, you'd think someone who studied actin' would be a better actor, you know? My peep sucks. MOUSES!

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I love hearin' from my pals. I really, REALLY do. PURRS.