Wednesday 31 May 2017

horror of all horrors


I spun on my tail, three or four times, like a revolvin' door doin' some major high-speed revolvin'.  Finally my spinning slowed, and eventually I came to a full stop, landin' on my tummy with all paws spread eagle.

Slowly climbin' to my paws, I asked in somewhat of a daze, "Who?  Why? WHA???"

Of course, nobody answered.  MOUSES!

Comin' to my senses, I gave my head a good shake.

"Tess!  You have some explainin' to do. MOUSES!"

Tess peered around the kitchen corner.  "Is it gone?" she asked.

I very casually brushed an imaginary piece of lint off my leg.  "Is what gone, pray tell. YOUR MIND?"

Tess scowled like only a Tess can do.

Then that's when I heard it.  Heard what Tess had heard before.  The squealing.  The whining.  The grating, nerve-wracking sound of a monstrous monster in my very own backyard.

Within moments, Tess and I both tore upstairs in terror.  One could only imagine what ungodly horror was being unleashed outside.

Skiddin' to a stop at the top of the stairs, I slapped my forehead with one paw, and grabbed Tess by the tail with the other.  "Tess, that was Oil Delivery Guy.  He always makes that sound."

Tess' eyes grew wide.  "Oil Delivery Guy is a monster?" she asked.  "Why would the peeps buy oil from monsters?"

"Um, no.  I'm pretty sure he's just some regular ol' guy.  Those are the noises the oil makes as it runs through the hose and into the tank."

Tess thought about this for a moment.  I could see the wheels turning.  She opened her mouth as if to ask a question and then, thinkin' better of it -  I guess, clamped both lips together, and simply sighed.

Tess and I trotted back downstairs to the kitchen.  I could still hear Oil Delivery Guy outside, but now that I knew what the noises were, I was no longer petrified.

I guess Tess was no longer scared, either, 'cause she headed over to a bowl of dry kibble for a snack.

"Hey Tess," I began.  "How come Oil Delivery Guy scared you like that?"

"Because he's scary?" she replied, with a lilt to her voice.

"Yeah, but..."

Tess looked at me expectantly, waitin' for me to finish.

"But Tess, I've seen you stare down a rocky.  A cat who can face a rocky can certainly face Oil Delivery Guy."

And it was true.  The part about the rocky, I mean, 'cause just the other night, some stupid peep...

And when I say some stupid peep, you can pretty much take your pick.  My money is on Peep #2 but the truth is, neither one of 'em is the sharpest crayon in the pack.  Not even if the pack is mostly empty 'cept for one.

Anyway, as I was sayin'...  The other evening, some stupid peep left the outside door to the sunroom open, and when Peep #2 found it ajar, there was a rocky raccoon sittin' on the steps, lookin' inside.  That's right, lookin' into the sunroom.  Lookin' into my house, and everythin'. MOUSES!

Now you're probably wonderin' what this has to do with Tess.

Well I'll TELL you what it has to do with my sister Tess.

There was the raccoon, sittin' there, lookin' inside.  But even though I'm pretty sure he was thinkin' about coming in, he couldn't come any further.  And the reason he couldn't come any further was that sittin' just inside the door, was my sister Tess.  And she was in fine form, for sure,  hissin' and spittin' and givin' that rocky what for.

Now I'll be honest with you, all my fur-sibs and I have had plenty of rocky encounters.  Usually we just watch 'em, and they watch us, too.  Sometimes they ignore us, which is kinda rude, but you know...  Whatever.  But I've always found that if we respect them, they respect us right back, 'cept for the ignornin' part which, as I said, is kinda rude.

But that's outdoors.

No way, no how, are rocky raccoons ever allowed inside.  It's the law.  MOUSES!

And that's just what Tess was explainin' to the one sittin' at my back door.

I don't know if he understood the fine details or not, but he was gettin' Tess' general message, for sure.  MOUSES!

Tess mulled over my point about her facin' down the rocky for a bit before replying, "Rockies are different.  Rockies don't do that high-pitched squeal like Oil Delivery Guy.  Also, rockies aren't monsters.  They're just rockies.  You know?"

And truth be told, I did know.  For a rocky is a rocky, and Oil Delivery Guy...  ISN'T.

Then at that very moment, we heard it.  Breaking the silencce was the unmistakable roar of a giant, multiple-headed, snake-like tube-sucking monster, emanating from the family room.

"RUN!" Tess and I screamed in unison as we tore out of the kitchen and once again, up the stairs.  Diving under a bed, I clasped my paws over my ears, not wanting to hear the horror of all horrifying horrors, happenin' downstairs.

"Seville," Tess whispered, tuggin' on my tail.  "I think it's just the vacuum.  It's probably safe to go back down."

I stared at my sister with both amazement and awe. Tess wasn't afraid of a rocky, nor of a vacuum, either. When I wasn't watchin', my sister had become some kind of ninja warrior muted calico amazon princess.  She was SUPERCAT, with only Oil Delivery Guy as her Kryptonite.



  1. We had Propane Delivery Guy in the Mojave. He was pretty quiet, though.

  2. At least the oil delivery guy didn't come in and vacuum!

  3. I'm sure glad we don't use oil. That noise sounds scary.

  4. Tess, we are impressed! Not afraid of vacuums or rockies ... wow!

    P.S. - the oil delivery dude sounds scary. Just saying!

    1. He's VERY scary. Scarier than a rocky, for sure. At least for Tess. purrs

  5. Tess is really impressive! Those raccoons are big and they can be dangerous - it takes a brave kitty to stand up to one that's invading on her territory.

    1. And Tess isn't that big herself. But she's a feisty gal, for sure. purrs

  6. tess.....ewe iz lionezz feerce !!!! we wood knot like de racoon, de vacuum ORE de oil guy N knot reel lee in that kinda order....tho.......sinz ewe R feer lezz with de rockie N de vacuum...if ewe THINK what de price oh that oil iz....on de stox ching.....may bee that will help ya knot bee a fraid.....but inn inn vestorz ~~~~~~ ya think ??!! ☺☺♥♥

    1. You've got me to thinkin'. I wonder how much nip I could trade for all that oil. MOUSES!

  7. Oh my word! This sounds like the trailer for a horror movie, The Oil man Cometh! Tess sure is brave though, to face not only a vacuum but a racoon too. As they say on the streets, Respect da paw! PS How is she with lawn mowers as mine needs a firm paw and peep is hopeless.
    Purrs, ERin

  8. I was scared just reading about the Oil Delivery man and the rocky! And I don't like vacuums much either, and I'm a big 'ol human!

  9. Tess is a gorgeous girl. I don't think I have ever seen photos of her before.

    1. She doesn't appear on my blog often on account of her not really cooperatin' with the peep's picture takin'. That's just her way. purrs

  10. We don't buy that you were scared Sivvy ... you just pretended to be so Tess felt better, right? But holy cat! She stood up to a raccoon?!?! That girl's got balls! And she's beautiful too!

    1. She did! She wasn't lettin' that rocky past. MOUSES!

  11. Wow, what adventures you have at your house.

    1. But what I would give for just a little peace. purrs

  12. Oh my goodness - you have a super exciting life. Rockies, vacuums, oil delivery guys, and mouses!

  13. Seville dude, we have oil delivery too and like OMC we know exactly what mew're saying dude!!! Amber heads fur the hills, well actually under the bed [MOL] we're off to catch up on what else has been happening, so have an epic Sunday.

    Big Hugs

    Basil & Co xox

  14. Ha ha you're bother wonderful and I really enjoyed reading your blog this week.I could picture the two off you fleeing up the stairs.xπŸΎπŸΎπŸΎπŸΎπŸ˜»πŸ˜»πŸ˜»πŸ˜»πŸ’•

  15. She is a pretty one, that Tess sisfur of yours Seville! Wink winks to her! And she does sound like a warrior princess! We used to get "rockies" on our fence & the D-O-G would try to run them off. I could only hear them from my window since I don't get to go out. I don't know if I'd want to come face-to-face with a rookie - they are much bigger than me. But the vacuum cleaner doesn't scare me none. Mom can vacuum all around me - no big deal. Tee hee hee!


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