No, no, no! NO!!! No, not the nip! MOUSES!!!!!
You see all those there exclamation marks, my friends? Those there exclamation marks indicate the level of franticness in my voice. Now I know I'm not one to shy away from an exclamation mark or two or maybe even three but...
But let me tell you, the other day, the exclamation marks were flying around here like a thousand crows heading for their nightly roost. There were more exclamation marks than even I ever imagined I could use. There were exclamation marks all over the place.
What's that, Peepers? You say I'm exaggerating? Nope, don't thing so, ol' peep of mine. In fact, I'd say it was quite the opposite. I'd say...
Well let me explain what happened, at my house, the other day. MOUSES!
So anyway, Peep #1 sometimes does a little fund-raising stuff for a local animal shelter and one of the things she does is help organize a plant sale every May. The sale was yesterday.
Now part of helping with that sale involves the donating of plants. She donated a whole bunch of primroses and some other stuff. I was okay with all of that. I mean, it's good to help other kitties, right? So donating plants to a plant sale that's gonna help other kitties is a good thing but...
But let me remind you 'bout my fur-sibs. Sometimes, some of those fur-sibs can be menaces, for sure. MOUSES!
You all remember my sister Mason, don't you?
So there I was, minding my own business, when Mason sorta kinda suggested that Peep #1 was thinking about donating my nip plants to the sale. That's right, my friends, my nip. MOUSES!
Now when Mason sorta kinda suggested that this was what the peep was thinking of doing, I grew frantic, for sure. I mean, my nip? Giving away my nip? Was the peep really gonna give away my precious plants of nip? Did she suddenly hate me or something? Surely not. Surely...
NEVER MESS WITH MY NIP, MY FRIENDS. NEVER!
I raced all over the house and the yard looking for pots of nip. Looking for little nip plants all potted up, waiting to be put in the sale. I was trying to figure out how I would drag said potted nip plants someplace safe. Safe from the peep and the sale and anyone who might be thinking 'bout making those nip plants their own.
I was frantic, my friends. Frantic!
Like I said, NEVER MESS WITH MY NIP.
I was meowing and yelling and crying and meowing and screaming, "WHERE IS MY NIP?"
I was spinning around like a cat chasing his tail...
Okay, maybe not like a cat chasing his tail. Maybe for a while there I actually was chasing my tail but hey, I'm a cat! Every cat likes to chase his tail now and then. You know, to break up the tension in the room and...
But I digress. Point is, as I was spinning around chasing my tail, I happened to notice Mason out of the corner of an eye and she was sitting there, laughing. She was sitting there on her haunches laughing and laughing and laughing and that's when I realized....
She was laughing at me! MOUSES!
That was also 'bout the time I remembered....
That there ol' peep of mine IS USELESS when it comes to the growing of the nip.
I didn't know if I should be upset or relieved. I mean, should I be relieved with the knowledge that the peep wasn't gonna be giving away my nip plants on account of her ineptitude at growing the nip in the first place or should I be upset that I actually had no nip plants for her to give away. You know, due to her ineptitude at growing 'em and all.
I was torn, I tell you. I was torn!
Then I figured out exactly what I should be doing. More important than being relieved that the peep wasn't giving away my non-existent nip plants and more important than being upset that my nip plants were actually non-existent, I should be...
I SHOULD BE ANGRY WITH MASON FOR FOOLIN' ME LIKE SHE DID.
I mean, what kind of sister does that? Seriously. What kind of sister sorta kinda suggests that a cat's peep might be planning to give away all of said cat's non-existent nip plants? MOUSES!
What's that, Peepers? You say there are actually three nip plants growing in the cage?
Have you LOOKED at 'em lately, Peepers?
Let me tell you, a couple leaves and a straggly stem does not a nip plant make. MOUSES!
Peepers, those nip plants you're growing are as sickly as sickly can be. I mean, they're all half dead and the halves that aren't dead are sicker than sick. The leaves are barely holding onto their stems and I swear that if a cat were to breath on 'em, they'd fall off those stems in a second.
Peepers, remember the Christmas tree that Charlie Brown bought?
That there Charlie Brown Christmas tree was in better shape than those nip plants you're growing. MOUSES!
So anyway, Mason and I are no longer speaking.
Well technically, I'm not speaking to Mason for sorta kinda suggesting what she suggested. Mason is still laughing at me.
As for the peep and the nip plants? Well that, my friends, is a story we shall continue in another blog post on another day.
But in the meantime, I will mention that the peep bought another Valerian plant at the sale. Roots smell like stinky feet and let me tell you, I kinda like it, for sure. MOUSES!