So I was thinking the other day and, as usual, once I started thinking, my mind started wondering...
Oops! I mean, wandering, of course.
But technically, once my mind starts to wander, I do start to wonder. My mind just kind of works that way. So...
So anyway, I was thinking the other day and, as usual, once I started thinking, my mind started wandering and wondering and I said to myself - and anyone else who happened to be listening, "I wonder why there isn't a Hawaii Five-O show for cats? I mean, it could be exactly like Hawaii Five-O except, you know, featuring cats. Cats catching criminals committing crimes and some of those criminals might even be cats themselves. Cat burglars and stuff. You know?
Obviously, it would be set in Nova Scotia as I, Seville the Cat, am the perfect cat to write such a show, for sure. And I happen to know a lot about Nova Scotia 'cause Nova Scotia is where I live and stuff. MOUSES!
Let me think about this some more. Hmmm....
Mason and Seville are in a sporty blue car, stopped at a street light. Seville is driving.
Mason: Uh Seville, the light has turned green.
Mason: Seville, the light. It turned green. That means you can go.
Seville: Oh, sorry about that. I was just thinking about....
Seville drives straight through the intersection instead of making the mandatory left-paw turn and drives into the oncoming traffic of a one-way street. Dodging the oncoming cars, he speeds up so as to dodge them even faster, veering this way and that until he finally pulls into the parking lot of a strip mall and skids to a stop.
Mason: What on earth do you think you're doing? You could have gotten us both killed back there!
Seville: Yeah, well I need to pick up some nip at the nip store and that's the quickest way to get here, Mayso.
Mason: Seville, I thought I told you not to call me that. I don't like you calling me Mayso.
Seville: Really? 'Cause I think the name kind of suits you, Mayso. Why don't you like me calling you that?
Mason: 'Cause it sounds like mayonnaise or something, that's why. I don't want you calling me Mayso or ketchup or mustard or anything else that sounds like any kind of condiment any more, okay?
Seville: Okay Mayso. FINE. You want any nip? This place has the best nip east of Halifax.
Seville exits car. Mason checks the map she finds in the dashboard compartment before calling out the window.
Mason: But we're currently west of Halifax, Seville! How can this place have the best nip east of Halifax if we're to the west?
Seville reaches back into the car, grabs a compass conveniently sitting in the car's cup holder along with a marker. He uses the marker to write a W over the E and an E over the W on the compass and passes it to Mason.
Seville: Look at the compass, Mayso. Now we're to the east of Halifax. MOUSES! You want any nip?
Mason: Yeah, grab me a nip mouse and a biff bag, will ya? And a nip tea, while you're at it. I'm kind of thirsty. Whoever made those sardine omelets at breakfast used way too much salt.
Seville returns with takeout niptinis and a bag filled with nip mice and biff bags. He passes a niptini to Mason.
Mason: I asked for nip tea, not a niptini, Seville.
Seville: Nip tea, niptini... Same thing. Okay, time to head back to 1867 and see if there are any new cases. Hang on tightly. We'll be going with the flow of traffic this time so I'll probably be driving a little faster.
Seville and Mason speed along the one-way street, heading to 1867.
Mason: I always meant to ask you, Seville. Why do they call the provincial police department 1867? Is there some reason for that?
Seville: Yeah, Mayso. They call it 1867 because the Province of Nova Scotia was one of the four founding provinces of Confederation in 1867. Why did you think they called it that? Because there are one thousand, eight hundred and sixty-seven cats in the department or something?
Mason: Actually I was thinking that maybe it was because it would take about one thousand, eight hundred and sixty-seven of these niptinis for me to believe that the Province of Nova Scotia has a provincial police force because it doesn't, you know.
Seville: Well tell me this then, Mayso. If Nova Scotia doesn't have a provincial police force, why am I currently breaking every provincial speed limit driving to the provincial police headquarters, otherwise known as 1867? Huh? Can you answer that? Huh? Huh, Mayso?
Mason: I asked you not to call me that, Seville. Remember? Remember how I asked you not to call me Mayso earlier? Remember?
Seville: Oh yeah. Sorry about that Mayso.
Seville skids to a stop in another parking lot.
Mason: You know, maybe you should lay off the nip while driving, Seville. Your driving already has a lot to be desired without the nip. With it...
Seville: Yeah, yeah, Mayso. Why don't we stop for a burger before heading back to 1867? They make the best burgers here west of Halifax.
Mason: So now we're back to being west of Halifax? At that nip store back there, we were east of Halifax.
Seville grabs the compass from before, spits on it and rubs out the E and W he had written using the marker.
Seville: Now we're to the west. Look for yourself. Says so right on the compass.
The two cats hop out of the car and head into the burger joint.
Seville: I recommend the triple burger with nip and sardines. You won't find a better burger anywhere.
Mason: Do they have one with cheese? Maybe a little nip and some cheese?
Seville: Oh yeah, you can have it with cheese. Just ask for the 'Triple Nip and Sardini with cheese,' Mayso.
Mason: Remember how I asked you not to call me that, Seville? Remember? Remember how I asked you not to call me Mayso, Seville?
Seville: Sorry about that, Mayso. I do remember you asking me not to call you that. What I don't recall is my agreeing to stop doing it. MOUSES!
So what do you all think? A show like Hawaii Five-O set right here in Nova Scotia? One starring cats? Cats who like a lot of nip? And we'll call it Nova Scotia 1867 or something like that. What do you think? You think I could sell a script like that to CBC? Do you think they'd go for that? Inquiring minds wanna know. MOUSES!