So the new year is almost upon us and I have big plans. Big plans, I tell you. Super duper big plans, to be sure. 2016 is gonna be my year, if you know what I mean. MOUSES!
For starters, I'm thinking of publishing my first ever calendar. Yup, a calendar for the new year. A calendar featuring - you guessed it - me. MOUSES!
Picture it, a calendar with twelve pictures of ME. I heard that that guy who heads up..,
What's that, Peepers? It's inappropriate to call the leader of a country the guy who heads up, you say? Really? REALLY? Nah, that can't be right. I heard what's-his-face calling him that just the other day. Yup, it was on the news and everything. MOUSES!
Apparently the President - or Prime Minister or Supreme Leader or whatever he calls himself these days - of some country is doing this calendar...
Hold that thought.
You know, I'm not sure it's such a great idea to go around calling yourself the "Supreme Leader" of a country. I mean, in all the movies I've ever watched involving aliens, the aliens always say, "Take me to your leader." You ever think about that? The aliens always wanna meet up with the leader and when you call yourself the Supreme Leader, well...
Well it's just asking for trouble, if you know what I mean. Those aliens usually aren't the overly friendly sort. MOUSES!
Now truth be told, maybe they are a friendly lot when gathered around the holiday table but we never really see them painted in that light, do we. No, we always see them doing alien stuff like... Well... Well like...
Well like did you ever see that movie Independence Day? Did you? I'm telling you, if the aliens from Independence Day wanted to meet up with all the world leaders and I happened to be one of those world leaders, I'd be pointing my paw over at the guy calling himself the Supreme Leader and saying, "You want that guy. Eat him first. He says he's supreme. I think that means, tasty. MOUSES!"
Of course, not all aliens are mean and stuff. It would be wrong to judge all aliens by the behaviour of just a few. That would be like specism or something, I think.
I always liked Mr. Spock, though. Spock was a kind, peace-loving soul even if he was an alien. Not overly friendly as in the going-around-hugging-everybody-and-taking-selfies-with-you kind of friendly but hey, even Mr. Spock would admit he really didn't have the hair for that kind of friendliness, if you know what I mean. MOUSES!
And I never once heard Mr. Spock say, take me to your leader. Never once saw him eating any peeps, either. MOUSES!
But I digress. This here blog post is supposed to be about my calendar. That's right, I'm gonna be a calendar boy, for sure.
I'm thinking I should be nekkid in the pictures. Or at least shirtless. No need to dress me up in costumes or anything. I mean, I'm a pretty good-looking cat. Peeps keep telling me so, so it must be true. Plus, I've seen myself in a mirror. Peeps who say I'm a cutie aren't lying and that is for sure.
And I'm thinking I should include a few quotes, too. Heard that guy heading up - whatever - that aforementioned country is including quotes in his calendar. I should do the same. MOUSES!
But why stop at calendars? I'm thinking... PERFUME. That's right, a Seville-inspired perfume is a must-do for 2016.
What's that, Peepers? NO! Oh my mouses. Sometimes I really wonder 'bout my peep.
A Seville-inspired perfume will not smell like me as Peep #1 asked for I, Seville the Cat, do not smell at all. I mean, I can smell, like I can smell but I don't smell, if you know what I mean.
No, a Seville-inspired perfume will smell of nip for what could possibly be more inspiring than the smell of nip? Of course, it could smell like me if I were to take a bath in the stuff. You know, bathe in the nip. Or maybe just roll around in a field of nip or...
OH MY MOUSES!
One of the pictures for the calendar should be just that! Yup, a picture of me, nekkid, rolling around in a field of nip. Peeps would pay big bucks for that, to be sure. MOUSES!
What? What, Peepers? What are you talking about now?
Hmmm... You could be right about that, Peepers. MOUSES!
The peep has suggested that if I spray nip all over myself, other cats might mistake me for a nip-mouse or something. Not that I look like a nip-mouse but still...
Peepers, you think Seville-inspired room fresheners and candles might be a better idea? Something along those lines?
But speaking of rooms, I'm thinking of acquiring some new real estate, too.
And I shall spray my new Seville-inspired air freshener all over the rooms of my new Seville Tower and I shall lie on the perch of that tower to have my picture taken for future calendars, too. I can see it now and it will be beautiful.
2016 is gonna be a great year, to be sure. MOUSES!