What? WHAT? What's all this about? MOUSES!
Apparently, Professor Lyon has a few problems with my use of run-on sentences in my latest assignment for Kitty Lit. 101. MOUSES!
Next thing I know, he'll be complaining about my use of the word mouses, too. MOUSES!
What's a kitty to do?
I know... Say mouses. MOUSES!
Listen to what he wrote. "Put a period on it and take a breath." Can you believe it? MOU... You know, mouses.
Looks like I'm going to have to explain to Professor Lyon that it's not fair for him to complain about my use of run-on sentences when he never once complained about Nissy using them in the past. Nissy used to use them all the time. Why, they were Nissy's trademark! MOUSES!
Just because I sometimes write really long sentences containing lots of stuff about, well, there's no other way to put it but lots of other stuff although, when you think about it, all said stuff almost always refers to my original thought or point even though I have to admit, there are times when those references might be considered by some, perhaps, maybe, to be a little indirect and possibly vague but still... MOUSES!
And if he's that desperate to take a breath, he can always do so during one of the many commas. It's not like I don't use commas when I'm writing, you know.
Put a period on it and take a breath. Of all the nerve.
How about putting a sock in it, Professor Lyon. MOUSES!
And speaking of socks, have you ever noticed that peeps complain about missing them a lot? I mean, complain about the socks being missing. They're not missing the socks. Well in a way they are missing the socks but not missing them by being all sad with lots of tears and stuff but rather, missing them because they've disappeared. The socks, I mean. The peeps haven't disappeared. At least I don't think they have.
Anyway, peeps complain about missing socks all the time. They're always complaining that the dryer ate their socks which is weird because these sock-eating dryers only ever eat one sock of any one pair. Why is that? Why would a dryer eat four socks, one each from four pairs and not choose to eat two pairs and leave the other two pairs alone? They'd get the same number of sock calories either way, would they not? Do dryers derive some sort of perverse pleasure by breaking up pairs of socks? MOUSES!
Of course, there are peeps out there who try to trick these sock-hungry dryers by only ever buying one colour of socks. Twelve navy socks go into the dryer but only six survive. Are there three surviving pairs or are there six single socks? One will never know. Or will they? Personally, I'm thinking that although the peeps might never know, the dryers always do. Peeps just like to think they've managed to get one over on the sock-eating dryers, you see.
And then, of course, there are those peeps who choose to go sockless which is a considerably better fashion statement than those who wear socks with sandals. Never wear socks with sandals, my friends. NEVER WEAR SOCKS WITH SANDALS. MOUSES!
It is my personal opinion that some of these sock and sandal wearing peeps who - by the way, are almost always highly intelligent when it comes to math, physics and great literature and stuff even if their fashion quotient is a little lacking although, perhaps they are actually the ones with the better fashion sense and the rest of us just don't realise it - should get together ---
Whew! Okay, I'm beginning to understand this business about periods at ends of sentences and opportunities to breath and stuff.
--- and do some research to figure out exactly why the sock-eating dryers of the world don't eat anything else. I've never heard a peep complain that the dryer ate their jeans or shirt. Have you? Of course you haven't, It's a well-known fact that dryers only ever eat socks, you see.
One would think that peeps who wear socks with sandals would have a vested interest in doing research on sock-eating dryers. After all, it's a lot harder to disguise miss-matched socks when wearing sandals than shoes. Don't you agree?
I'm afraid that these sock-eating dryers have left peeps with a dilemma. Either they go the rest of their lives wearing only one colour of sock or they go their entire lives wearing miss-matched socks - which, by the way, appears to be a fashion statement some peeps do actually choose to make, not unlike the fashion statement made by those peeps who insist upon wearing socks with their sandals - or they have to do something with all those leftover socks.
And speaking of leftover socks, did you know you can stuff them with nip, sew up the tops and give them to your feline friends? Did you peeps with sock-eating dryers out there know about that? Well let me tell you.... YOU CAN.
A good-sized sock will easily hold an ample amount of the nip and makes an excellent gift for those of us with such discerning tastes. What's more, we cat's don't particularly care if we're given nip-filled socks in an assortment of colours. Red, green, black, white... We really don't care as long as those socks contain the nip.
Most nipified socks are, of course, the surviving socks of massive dryer attacks however peeps should feel free to use socks straight from their dresser drawers but never, ever, under and circumstances should you give us nip-stuffed drawers from those drawers. MOUSES!
A sock-eating dryer surviving sock will, of course, be nice and spiffy clean however it's best to wash it again to get rid of any fabric softener residue that might be lurking about. After all, we cats are likely going to be playing with those nip-filled socks and the dryer stuff isn't good for our health at all. When it comes to nip-filled socks, you want nothing but the nip.
Unless, of course, we're talking about Valerian. Valerian root, I have found, smells a lot like stinky feet. I actually quite like it, myself. Nissy never did but I certainly do and quite frankly, if you're stuffing the socks with Valerian root, I'm not sure you need to even bother with the wash cycle at all. We cats will take those socks right off a peep's feet!
And speaking of feet - well paws, actually - Professor Lyon is incredibly well-versed in literature pertaining to kitties which, of course, is why he teaches all the Kitty Lit. courses at the local university. I'm wondering if he's one of those smarty pants cats who goes around wearing socks with their sandals. I should check that out next time I'm in class.
But no matter how much our professor knows about literature and stuff, he knows NOTHING at all about run-on sentences and I can attest to that as, as I mentioned earlier, he told me to put a period on it and take breath. I'm thinking he's jealous. Jealous of the lovely run-on sentences Nerissa used to write and that I, Seville the Cat, now write in Nissy's absence so that the world will not be deprived of such literary genius which as you can imagine would be doing a great disservice to said world, for sure. Yup, that's what I'm thinking. I'm sure you'll agree. MOUSES!