As a cat, I often worry about bugs. Do you?
Once, a very long time ago before I was even born, one of my aunties ate a bug. The bug was mean and it scraped my auntie's throat when she swallowed it. Next thing she knew, the peeps were whisking her off to the doctor to be debugged. Well technically, she wasn't being debugged. She was just having her throat seen to. MOUSES!
And speaking of things needing to be debugged...
Earlier this year, there were a lot of ants out and about in my yard. They were everywhere! Ants don't bother me too much, though. In my opinion, they're one of the less buggy bugs. They have a low bugginess quotient. You know what I mean? This is because ants pretty much stay out of my way. Peep #1 always says, "as long as they don't come inside and as long as they're not carpenter ants..." but let me tell you, my peep couldn't recognise a carpenter ant to save her soul. Ants could be walking around the yard, carrying little tool boxes and singing songs from the seventies and she STILL wouldn't recognise them as carpenter ants. MOUSES!
Actually, as it has been raining quite heavily today, perhaps a few carpenter ants would like to build me a little boat or something. I'd like to check out the nip plants at the far end of the garden but to do that, I might need a boat.
I'm just kidding, really. Couple pairs of cat-sized hip waders will suffice. MOUSES!
Yeah, rainy days... What to do on a rainy day? Can't go outside because it's raining. Just have to stay inside where it's nice and dry, even if it is pretty boring. Rainy days... For all we know, it's going to be raining again tomorrow. Which would be Monday. Rainy days and Mondays. MOUSES!
From what I've seen, ants aren't too keen on rain but I'll tell you what bugs are. SLUGS. Slugs, the true thugs of the garden.
Don't you just hate it when you walk past a plant and a slug that was on that plant ends up stuck on your fur? Talk about gross. They're the grossest bugs on earth. They're such... slugs. And talk about slimy. Very icky, for sure.
It seems like only yesterday that the peep was being bugged by bugs, too. Yup, Ol' Peepers managed to get herself stung the other day. Actually, it was about a week ago. A week ago yesterday. MOUSES!
It's true. She was out in the garden late last Saturday afternoon when she saw a weed. Okay, she saw more than one weed. She saw a whole whack of weeds. At least I'm pretty sure she saw a whole whack of weeds because let me tell you, there were a whole whack of weeds to be seen but for some strange reason, she decided to pull up this one particular weed. Yeah, just one of them. Of course, she may have intended on pulling up more than the one. Whether that sole weed was the first of many or the only one on her hit list, we shall never know because when she pulled on that weed...
Let's just say, it was not a pretty sight.
Not a pretty sound, either.
Yup, you could have heard her for miles. She screamed. She screeched. She yelled at the top of her lungs. For a moment there, I thought the peep was practising her caterwauling skills but then she ran. I've never seen the peep run while caterwauling before so I figured caterwauling practise was not on her agenda at that time.
Apparently, when the peep pulled out the aforementioned weed, she also took out a weight-bearing wall of a wasps' nest. It's true. Those wasps had built a nest underground in my garden. And I'll tell you what else is true. The wasps did not take kindly to the peep's unexpected demolition services. Let's just say, they won't be putting out any welcome mats for her any time soon.
Now I have to admit, the peep was totally justified in demolishing that old wasps' nest. I checked at the county offices and there were no building permits issued. There weren't even any applications submitted! The wasps had no business building their nest in that garden at all. It was an illegal wasps' nest, for sure. MOUSES!
But whether the peep was justified or not, the wasps got a little hot under the collar although truth be told, they don't actually wear shirts with collars. And when wasps get that way, one had best get out of their way. Those wasps are nasty when angered, for sure.
After the peep stopped screaming and dancing...
Well she wasn't dancing, really. More like hopping up and down with a lot of arm flinging. Of course, I have seen worse on some of those So You Think You Can Dance auditions on TV. MOUSES!
Eventually, the peep calmed down enough for her to tally up the stings. There were three. Left hand, left leg and right arm. Three stings. Three measly little stings. That's nothing! I've been bitten more by mosquitoes than that, for sure. MOUSES!
The peep sure did a whole lot of hooping and hollering for three little stings...
Well that was on Saturday. Sunday, it was still pretty sore. By Monday, she said she was fine.
But now it's a week later and the peep's arm has turned all warm and red. And itchy, too. Not sore and not swollen but warm, red and itchy. At first, I thought that maybe she had fleas or something because fleas will make you itch for sure but since the red part is right where one of those wasps stung her, I'm kind of thinking it has something to do with last Saturday's So You Think You Can Dance audition. MOUSES!
At first, the peep was still claiming she was okay and it was nothing to worry about but I took a good look at that arm of hers today and cried, "Enough of this masquerade! That's your right arm, Peepers. Your tin-opening arm! You need that arm to open tins. Never mess about with your tin-opening arm, Peepers, because my dinners are at steak! I mean, stake but boy-oh-boy would steak ever make a nice dinner for me, for sure. They have that in tins? MOUSES!"
That's the thing about peeps. A cat gets one whisker out of place and the next thing you know, said cat is stuffed in a carrier and hauled off to hospital but when it's a peep who needs to visit the doctor? They hem and they haw like no one has ever hemmed or hawed before. Peeps. Almost as bad as bugs. Maybe even slugs. Or thugs.
For the peep's sake, I sure do hope the doctor doesn't need to take her temperature. MOUSES!