So there you have it, my friends. I'm grounded. And for me, this grounding is of a double-whammy nature, for sure. Not only am I not allowed outside at the mo, but I'm also not allowed to do any teleportin' as teleportin' involves flyin' and apparently flies in the face of bein' grounded. Again I must say, MOUSES!
As you may have heard, I've been havin' some issues with my health. This, of course, is the reason for my grounding. One might think it makes sense and one might even be right about that but still, a kitty has gotta have some fun, you know? Of course you know. MOUSES!
So on account of my grounding, there are no Easter adventures, for me, this year. Of all the rotten luck. MOUSES!
What's that, Peepers? You think I'm sayin' MOUSES! too much? Yeah, you're probably right about that. Awww..... M... Um.... Never mind. I probably should stop sayin' MOUSES! at least for today. You know, on account of this bein' Easter Sunday and all.
I will instead give you all an update on my health.
As you know, I was losin' some weight. I wasn't dieting or anythin' like that. In fact, my appetite was as good as always. Maybe even better. Actually, maybe too good. At times, I was ravenous and yet, I was still losin' weight.
My doctor ordered up a series of blood tests checkin' my thyroid, kidney function and to see if I had diabetes. The only thing even a little bit off was my thyroid so the next thing I knew, I was takin' little pink pills, daily. At first, they seemed to be workin' but then, all of a sudden, I was weak and feelin' even worse than before.
Some more blood work showed that I had an elevated white blood cell count, or somethin' like that. So I was off the little pink pills and onto some little blue ones. No, I wasn't takin' those little blue pills that my stalker, Mr. Anonymous Spam, is always flogging. The ones I was taking were antibiotics, I do believe.
I had just finished my last day of the little blue pills when suddenly, I could couldn't walk on one leg. Hmmm... Perhaps I should rephrase that. I wasn't tryin' to hop around the house on one paw and findin' I couldn't but rather, one of my legs was too sore for me to put any weight on it at all. It was so sore, in fact, I was cryin' in pain.
The leg in question was - and still is - my leg with the bionic knee implants so the peeps were extra concerned that my bionics were failing. I was then whisked off for an emergency doctor visit that night, only to be told that my bionics were fine but I had likely pulled or sprained somethin' and was sent home with more pills. This time, they were white. Pain meds and whatnot.
First thing the next week, I went back to the hospital to visit my doctor who had bionicized my knee. She took some x-rays and found the bionics to be intact. In fact, my leg looked just fine but there was somethin' wonky goin' on in my belly. Next thing I knew, they were shavin' off all my tummy fur and leavin' my belly bare! I was bein' prepared for a sonogram but totally unprepared for barin' my belly. This isn't bikini weather. MOUSES!
Well after that, there was a great deal of discussion goin' on in the exam room between my doctor and Peep #1. I missed most of it on account of my plottin' revenge on the shavin' of my belly fur. Still haven't quite figured out what to do 'bout that but I'm thinkin' I should do somethin' before my fur has all grown back.
Long story short, I have been diagnosed with exocrine pancreatic insufficiency. Basically, my body isn't makin' the enzymes necessary to digest my food any more. So even though I was eatin' up a storm, I wasn't gettin' proper nutrition and that is why I lost so much weight.
So from now until forever, I have to have this special powder mixed into my food, about twenty minutes before I eat. The enzymes in the powder start digestin' the food so that when I eat it, my body can handle it.
It's kind of gross. I mean, REALLY, it is. What do they think I am? A BIRD? I'm a cat for goodness sakes! I shouldn't be fed partially digested food. MOUSES!
Apparently Rushton, Anderson, Mason and Tobias all disagree with me 'cause they're always tryin' to eat the food with my meds. I, on the other paw, am always tryin' to eat theirs. We're keepin' the peeps on their toes, for sure.
Peep #1 says that if we can just get through the next few weeks, we'll have a schedule all sorted out. I say, DON'T COUNT ON IT PEEPERS. This is war and I'm prepared to use chemical weapons.
The other day, I managed to score some of someone else's food. Peeps don't know how it happened but I did it. A little while later, I used the newly installed private bathroom - litter box - in my office and suffice it to say, I cleared the room. You see, I have found, eatin' unmedicated food kinda gives me gas. Mouses that was strong.
How strong was it? It was so strong that both Peep #1 and I had to exit the room. Peep went back in, gas mask in tow. Actually, she didn't really use a gas mask but only 'cause she didn't have one to use.
You know, when we discovered that Andy was lactose intolerant, he was given the title Sir Fartsalot but to be perfectly honest, I think that title is now mine.
Seville is busy plottin' and plannin', wonderin' if I've discovered an alternative fuel source that might be compatible with our eggbeater-whisk time travellin'-teleportation technology. So far, he hasn't found a way to capture the fuel.
And speakin' of eggbeater-whisk time travellin'-teleportation technology... Remember last year at Easter when Seville and I were called in to help save the day? Well since we don't get to have an adventure this year, I thought it might be nice to reminisce about our adventure last year. There were two posts in all. We started off with "a request for assistance" and then Seville and I ended up "savin' Easter morning." Remember that? If not, just click on the titles of those two posts and you'll be magically transported back in time. And even if you do remember, you might still wanna revisit.
Anywho... That's pretty much what's goin' on at my house. I'm hopin' to be able to have some fun pretty soon. Hopin' to get back to teleportin' and whatnot. Have an adventure or two. Until then, it's theoretical teleportation technology for me, for sure.
But before I forget, I just wanna wish everyone a very happy Easter. HAPPY EASTER! May the Easter Bunny be good to you all and may all your baskets be filled with the nip.
And please remember that throughout the month of April, a portion of all sales of the book Rescued: The Stories of 12 Cats, Through Their Eyes will go to the wonderful Anjellicle Cats Rescue of New York, helpin' them to help save cats' lives. You can purchase your very own copy at your local book store or on Amazon by clicking right HERE. You'll wanna stock up for holiday gift-giving, for sure. PURRS.