Sunday, 22 February 2015
under the bus
Settling in on the family room couch and muchin' on a piece of cheese, I slowly drifted off to sleep. CPAC... Best sleepin' aid ever invented.
"Psst... Cat. You asleep?"
I raised one eyebrow. "I was. Thanks for wakin' me up, by the way," I answered.
"You're very welcome," replied the mouse, staring me in the eye.
"Actually, I was bein' sarcastic. I..."
"No time for trivial chit-chat, I'm afraid," interrupted the mouse. "Your assistance is required." Grabbin' me by my tail, the mouse attempted to haul me off the chesterfield, clearly ignorant of the laws of physics. No way, no how, was a little ol' mouse gonna have the strength to pull me, Nerissa the Cat, off a piece of furniture.
"Hey!" I yelled at the mouse. "You wanna watch it there? I'm comin'. Just give me a moment to straighten my whiskers."
Bein' familiar with the routine after havin' been visited by these Cheese Consortium mice before, I followed the mouse out of the family room. I recognised him as M1. At least I thought he was M1. Truth be told, they all kinda look alike. We turned the corner and entered what should have been the kitchen but once again, the kitchen had been transformed into a great chamber with rows upon rows upon rows of seats, most of which stood empty. "Where is everyone?" I asked the mouse.
"They missed the bus."
I looked at the M1, not really understandin' what he was talkin' about. Did he want me to go lookin' for all the missing mice? I asked him if that was the reason for calling me in.
"Oh no, there's no need for that. Absenteeism is quite the norm around here. One could say it's par for the course."
I nodded in agreement while tryin' to figure out why anyone would be golfin' in Mouseland in the middle of winter. MOUSES!
"So why am I..." I stopped dead in my tracks. "That's new," I whispered under my breath. I walked to the end of the chamber to inspect the new renovations. A large revolving glass door had been installed where there had once been a solid brick wall. On the other side of the rovolving door was the street and on that street were a number of buses, all lined up and with their engines running. "Don't they have no-idle laws here in Mouseland?" I asked M1.
"Why on Earth would we have those?" was his reply.
"You know, on account of global warmin' and whatnot," I answered.
M1's eyes darted back and forth, looking to see if anyone was listenin'. "We don't talk about that. The Big Cheese says it doesn't exist. We've been forbidden to even utter the words."
"MOUSES!" I cried.
A pawful of mice exclaimed in unison, "Mice. The plural of mouse is mice."
I decided to ignore the grammar mice coalition and, instead, get to the bottom of why I had been summoned. "Are these the buses all those other mice missed?" I asked.
"No, no.. Don't be silly," chuckled M1. "These buses are waiting for.."
All of a sudden a mouse dressed in suit and tie came scurrin' down the chamber. Dragging behind him was a briefcase that had been so clumsily shut that pieces of paper were sticking out here and there. I grabbed one of the papers as he passed.
The mouse darted through the revolving door and out onto the street. The lead bus began to move, slowly at first but then picking up speed. For a moment I thought the bus was going to run over the mouse but before I could utter a cry of warning, the mouse instinctively jumped back onto the curve. The bus sped past, seemingly out of control. Suddenly a taxi miraculously appeared. The mouse hopped inside, making his escape. I strained my ears to hear where they were heading but the only thing I heard the mouse say was something about tires. Either he was referencing the screeching tires of the bus that had just attempted to mow him down or he was commenting on bein' tired. Either scenario seemed more than plausible.
I glanced down at the paper I still held in my paw. It was from the desk of The Big Cheese, himself. Had his logo and everythin'. Scrawled across it were the words, Top Secret and at the bottom was a reminder to not allow it to get into the paws of the Royal Canadian Mouseland Police. Quickly scanning the page, I immediately realised it was a memo containing details of Le Grand Fromage Project. The very same project about which The Big Cheese had previously denied havin' had any knowledge. And yet this paper came from his office. From his very own desk. MOUSES!
I sat back on my haunches and thought for a mo. Could The Big Cheese be truly unaware of what was goin' on in his very own office? Could he be so oblivious to the comings and goings of the little mice around him? Could someone else, smarter and more devious than he, have masterminded this entire affair?
And why were all those buses lined up outside this gigantic revolving glass door? What were they doin' there and who had ordered 'em up? And for goodness sake, why did no one have the sense to tell the drivers to turn off their engines while they waited? Did no one at the Canadian Cheese Consortium understand about global warming? MOUSES!
There were so many questions and all I had were suppositions and suspicions. Nothin' that would hold up in court. My paws were tied. Tied up with somethin' a whole lot stronger than string cheese. String cheese... Mmmm...
"M1," I began, "Why am I here? Why was I summoned? Why now? What is it that you need?"
"There's nothing for you to do at this very moment, Nerissa the Cat," M1 replied. "But we needed you to bear witness. We needed you to see what was happening for one day in the coming months, your assistance will most definitely be required."
I finally understood. Tonight's visit to the Canadian Cheese Consortium was only one piece of the puzzle. A puzzle being put together by the Royal Canadian Mouseland Police and investigative reportin' cats like me. I folded over the piece of paper from the fleeing mouse's briefcase, thinking I would read it more thoroughly once back at home. Perhaps it contained more pieces of the puzzle. Perhaps I could use it to track down that fleeing mouse. Perhaps...
"Nerissa," I heard Peep #1 say. "Nissy, time for bed. I'm turning off the television. You can watch CPAC again tomorrow."
I rolled my eyes in disgust. Did the peep not understand that I was usin' that show to help me fall asleep in the first place? Why did she have to go and wake me up? Why? "MOUSES!" cried I.
I then heard the whispers of a multitude of mice. "Mice," they all said. "The plural of mouse, is mice."
Darned grammar mice, I thought to myself, before drifting off back to sleep. I had a memo to read. Now where did I put that thing? MOUSES!
Posted by Seville at Nerissa's Life at 13:26
Labels: absenteeism, adventures in Mouseland, Canadian Cheese Consortium, Canadian politics, Le Grand Fromage, missed the bus, par for the course, Royal Canadian Mouseland Police, satire, thrown under the bus
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Inquiring paws want to know what the Big Cheese is up to now!ReplyDelete
Me too. Somethin' smells fishy, for sure. purrsDelete
Surely to goodness the Big Cheese couldn't be that unaware, could he? But if he isn't then does that mean he's lying? Oh my, we thinks you might have uncovered a covered-up Nerissa! We're sure glad you and the RC Mouseland Police are on the case...hopefully it will be solved by October 19th!ReplyDelete
Sasha, Sami, & Saku
Apparently, one cannot have their cheesecake AND eat it, too. purrsDelete
Oh Nissy weez so glad yous be back. Dat wuz just pawful yous wuz outta service fur all those days. Yous wight what ifin there had been an emergency?!! What wuz yous posed to do, put a vegetable can on a stwing and put it against da wall?ReplyDelete
We can't wait to find out what be goin' on wiff da mouses there. Hav a pawsumly blest day.
Dezi and Lexi
I know! And bein' a cat, I don't eat veggies so from where would I get the veggie can? I do have sources for string. purrsDelete
Hmm...sounds like the plot or cheese is thickening! My peep says there's never a bus here when you want one, but then three will turn up all at once. Eek..Maybe the Consortium's gone International!ReplyDelete
Could be! Those consortium things will do that, for sure. purrsDelete
My head is spinning like that revolving door, Nissy. MOUSES! I wonder when M1 is going to come back and be needing your services. Meanwhile, sleep with one eye open.ReplyDelete
I never know exactly when M1 will arrive except for the fact that it's always after I have snacked upon cheese. purrsDelete
Mee-yikess Nerissa mee finkss thee cheeze gave you a berry strange dreem there...ReplyDelete
CPAC iss so borin even LadyMum fallss asleep...onlee in Canada eh? Mew mew mew.....
Maybee iss best to have treetss rite aftur you wake up frum a 'happy nappy'... ;)
Yurss, Siddhartha Henry =^,.^=
Yup, cheese snackin' will do it to you every time. purrsDelete
Mee-you Nerissa where iss mee commint?? Mee an LadyMum cannot find it...PICKEREL! Thiss iss furrustratin!ReplyDelete
Mee finkss thee cheeze you eated gave you BIG cheeze an mouse dreemss..
Maybee ham wood bee bettur befur nappin???
Yurss Siddhartha Henry =^,.^=
Sorry 'bout that. It's that ol' comment moderation thingy. Have to use it otherwise my stalker, Mr. Anonymous Spam, would take over my blog, for sure. Persistent little weasel that he is. purrsDelete
Hey, we're sure happy to see you Nissy! You know those revolving doors are very dangerous for those of us with tails! MOUSES pal!ReplyDelete
I never even thought about that. MOUSES! Good thing that mouse was able to keep his tail out of trouble, too. And when I say that, I mean literally. At least he managed to keep his tail out of the door. purrsDelete
This is reminding me of the "Dreams of the Rarebit Fiend" which is cheese related but I don't think there are any mice... or mouses, s'cuse me.ReplyDelete
Very intriguing, Nissy.
Cheese seems to dream 'bout these things ALTHOUGH sometimes I'm not convinced they're simply dreams. purrsDelete
Mommy says she wants some of what you're having. Heh-heh!ReplyDelete
Oohhh.. No probs! I was eatin' Cheddar. Bet your mum can find that at the store, for sure. purrsDelete
Le Grand Fromage is most certainly up to something! Maybe you will find out exactly what that might be next time you nibble on some cheese, right Nissy?! ;) And sheesh, those Grammar Mice sure are relentless! :)ReplyDelete
the critters in the cottage xo
I know! Those grammar mice are always tryin' to correct my grammar. They don't seem to understand that MOUSES! is now accepted by all major spell checks as an actual word. purrsDelete
This is a job for Superman, or maybe just eat his undies and all will become clear, no? damn conspiracies. lolReplyDelete
I'm not eatin' The Big Cheese's undies. Ewwww... I'll leave that job up to an MP or somethin', I think. purrsDelete
Grammar Mice Coalition... MOL! Great idea about the sleep aid.ReplyDelete
The Big Cheese sounds shifty for sure. I wonder when/if M1 will be back!
I'm sure he will. All I need do is snack on some cheese. purrsDelete
MOUSES! for sure!!! purrsDelete
MOUSES Nissy, I shudder to think what will happen next!ReplyDelete
Me too but... As soon as I find out, I'll let you all know. purrsDelete
We can't get past the fact of a Canadian Cheese Consortium...MOL!ReplyDelete
Oh yeah, they're quite big round here. purrsDelete
How stupid to ask you if you sleep to wake you up ! Mousies are very interesting, since I have cats I also have mousies, mostly dead fortunately !ReplyDelete
I know! Mice never seem to understand 'bout that. MOUSES! purrsDelete
That was really funny, Nissy. And those grammar mice shouldn't be allowed to criticize you. MOUSES.ReplyDelete
Seriously. When they grammar mice invent some words, they can afford to be more critical. Until then, they should just eat some cheese. purrsDelete
Oh my Ceiling Cat, those mouses sure expect you to work a lot!ReplyDelete
They do and to tell you the truth, they never even pay me. MOUSES! purrsDelete
KITTEN"S WHISKERS I hate that when they wake you to go to bed. Sounds like a cheesy business going on in Ottawa. Let's hope Gorgon Zola isn't involved, but then, I'm sure you'd have know since G Zola smells like Valerian (aka smelly feet).ReplyDelete
I heard that Gorgon is palsy walsy with some bigwigs with big ol' stinky feet and fears no one. MOUSES! purrsDelete
Hmmm.... what could those MOUSES be up to?! We look forward to reading the next installment... wonder when you will be summoned again?ReplyDelete
It'll probably happen when I least expect it. purrsDelete
Um, you had us at the first mention of cheese....mmmmmmReplyDelete
I must admit, it IS yummy, for sure. purrsDelete
Really funny dreams :)ReplyDelete
Athena and Marie
Funny and yet... Could they be true? purrsDelete
Nissy you've been at the hard cheese again!! When will you learn? MOL I reckon Big Cheese has got you on speed dial. Expect a call.....!!!!ReplyDelete
You're right! Some of that cheese was hard, for sure. I'm not really into the Brie. purrsDelete
Nissy, have you been into some strong catnip lately? I think you are too nice to those grammar mice- if they correct you, you should eat them.ReplyDelete
Hmmm... Perhaps with a little melted cheese? And, of course, garnished with nip. purrsDelete
Sounds like some weird stuff going on at the Canadian Cheese Consortium, Nissy. What could possibly happen next???ReplyDelete
Your guess is as good as mine but I can't wait to find out. purrsDelete
Grammar mice! Or should we say grammar mouses...just to get them riled up again!ReplyDelete
Yeah, it really doesn't take much to rile 'em up. MOUSES! purrsDelete
ummmm..you been hittin' that nip again Nis???ReplyDelete
Actually, in this case, it was the cheese. Cheese-induced dream, you see. purrsDelete