I don't know, Peepers. Can you?
Yup, that's what I said. That's what I said to the ol' peep when she asked me if she could sit on the chair upon which I, Nerissa the Cat, was already sittin'. Her exact words were, "Can I sit there, Nissy?"
So I looked at the peep and answered, "I don't know, you got a sore tail or somethin'? If your tail is sore, perhaps you can't sit on this here wooden chair. You should go grab yourself a spot on the nice, soft and comfy chesterfield, in the family room."
She ignored me but not before pickin' me up off my office chair and plunkin' me down on the floor. MOUSES!
Now to be honest, I really should be givin' Ol' Peepers a bit of slack 'cause truth be told, she's just a peep. Also, perhaps she really did wonder about her ability to disturb a cat who was clearly occupyin' the aforementioned chair. I should give her some slack but I'm not gonna on account of the pickin' up and plunkin' down business that followed her question. Her very poorly worded question. Not to mention how she ignored me, afterwards. She never did answer my question 'bout her havin' a sore tail, you know.
What's that Peepers? What did you say? FINE.
I have been informed by the peep that I must clarify that she does not actually have a tail. MOUSES!
You know, Peepers, you do sometimes have a pony tail stickin' out of the back of your head. Not that you ever sit on that one, though. Again I must say, MOUSES!
So anywho... back to the peep and her ability to sit down in a chair. Clearly she is capable of sittin' in one 'cause after she so rudely picked me up and plunked me down on the floor, she sat right down in that ol' chair, herself. Once more for good measure? Sure, why not? MOUSES!
Peeps and their questions. If they're gonna ask questions, they should word 'em correctly. What Peep #1 should have asked me was, "May I sit there, Nissy?" Yes, she should have been askin' for my permission to sit on this here chair. The chair upon which I am currently sittin' as I write up today's blog post.
Now truth be told, had Peep #1 asked correctly, I probably would have said no. I mean, I was already sittin' on the chair. The chair was already occupied.
But if we're talkin' truths here, we had best discuss the likelihood that the peep would have ignored my response, picked me up and plunked me down on the floor, anyway. After all, she never did answer my tail question, remember? Of course you do.
You know, peeps can be very inconsistent. Peep #1 has sat on the family room floor on more than one occasion so as not to disturb a certain kitty lying on the chesterfield. Why she is incapable of sittin' on my office floor, is beyond me. Perhaps I should apply for a government grant to study that phenomenon or somethin'.
Hmmm... YEAH! I think I'll put submittin' that application on my to-do list, for sure.
Anywho... Back to Peep #1's inability to ask a question, properly, and my ability to lie on the chesterfield.
That's right, I like to lie on the chesterfield. No, I'm not tellin' fibs. I'm lyin' as in lyin' down on the chesterfield. Different kind of lyin', for sure.
But have you ever noticed how peeps are always wanting to lay things about, includin' themselves? Weird, huh? Yes, definitely weird.
Peeps are always talkin' about how they're gonna lay down. Layin' down here and layin' down there. What I wanna know is... WHAT ARE THEY LAYING???
I mean, you lay somethin' else down but when you, personally, are lying down, you're lyin'. You're not layin'! You can lay your head down, sure, but you lie down, yourself. And others lie down, themselves, too.
Now, I might pad into the family room to find my brother Anderson lying on the chesterfield and that is exactly what he's doin'. He's lyin' there. He's not layin'...
OH MY MOUSES! I just figured out what all those peeps layin' about are doin'. THEY'RE LAYIN' EGGS!!! Who knew? This certainly does explain how the Easter Bunny is able to accumulate so many eggs every year at Easter.
But back to my brother, Andy, and his habit of lying on the chesterfield in the family room.
It's not a bad habit, I suppose. I wouldn't call it a vice or anythin'. Just somethin' he likes to do. I, myself, have been known to do the very same thing. I enjoy lyin' on the chesterfield as much as the next cat. In fact, just the other day...
Just the other day, I padded into the family room and Anderson said, "Hey Niss! Why don't you hop up here on the chesterfield with me?"
As you can imagine, I didn't have to be asked twice. Moments later, there we were, snuggled up on the chesterfield, together. Peep #1 walked in and thought she'd join Anderson and me but there wasn't enough room on account of us maximising our powers of sprawlability. The peep had to sit on the floor. MOUSES!
You know, that reminds me of another pet peeve of mine. The misuse of the words I and me. You ever hear peeps do that? I imagine that you have on account of those words bein' misused an awful lot.
Now I could joke about it but believe you me, this is no joking matter. At this very moment, there are fingernails scraping against chalkboards that are soundin' funnier than the misuse of the words I and me.
Instead of makin' a joke, I'll let you in on a little secret. You wanna know an easy way to figure out which word to use? Just drop the other cat's name and then ask yourself if you would use I or me. Whichever word it is, will be the correct word to use when the other cat's name is added again.
Let's see... Anderson and I were lyin' on the chesterfield. We know this to be true 'cause I would say that I was lyin' on the chesterfield. I would never say, me was. But the peep wondered if she could sit next to Anderson and me. That's right, me and NOT I. Why? 'Cause I would never say that she wondered if she could sit next to I. See how easy that is? Easy as catchin' a mouse in a house and MUCH easier than ever catchin' that darned red dot. That, my friends, is right up there with the most impossible of missions. MOUSES!
So there you have it. My three biggest pet peeves.
Hmmm... You ever wonder if anyone out there has a pet named Peeves? You know, it would be pretty funny if someone did. Hello there, I'd like to introduce you to my pet, Peeves. Hehehehehee... I should get myself a pet mouse or somethin' and name him Peeves.
WHAT A GREAT IDEA!
Oh Peepers... We need to go to the store. I need a mouse house and a... uh... um... Well, I might as well just come right out and say it. I need a mouse. I need a mouse for my house and I'm gonna name him Peeves.