Wednesday 19 February 2014

I could tell by the smell!

So the other day, somethin' happened.

Ol' Peepers was headin' out in the car. I think she was goin' to the grocery store or somethin'.  Probably to buy me some treats 'cause...  you know...  I've been such a very good kitty as of late.

Anywho...  as she was backin' up the car, she spotted something in the rear-view mirror.  It was a big something.  A way bigger than a cat something. Besides, she knew that all of us kitties were accounted for 'cause she always checks on such things before starting up the car, you see.  What she saw was a black and white something.  Kind of like a tuxedo cat only bigger.  Much bigger.

Whatever the something was, it was no longer in her line of sight so she backed up a bit and turned around in the turnin' around spot of the driveway which has been gettin' smaller and smaller, with each snowstorm of the season but I digress.  That was about when the peep's curiosity got the best of her - 'cause she's part cat, you see, and cats are naturally curious - and she got out of the car to investigate.  I think she kind of knew what it was she had seen but wanted to verify the facts. Unfortunately, there was nothin' to see.

So she got back in the car and pulled forward to the end of the driveway.  She looked this way and that way but the big black and white somethin' that looked a little like a tuxedo cat but was way too big to be any kind of cat was nowhere to be seen.  She pulled onto the road, turning right and then at the stop sign, she turned right again and that's when she saw it.  That's when she saw the big black and white somethin' or other walkin' alongside a man.  She recognised them immediately.

Ol' Peepers drove along the road, slowly, waitin' to see what she thought she would see.  Sure enough, the man and the big black and white somethin' or other turned into a driveway exactly where she expected them to turn.  All at once, she knew what had happened.  The mystery had been solved.

It turned out that the man is a neighbour of sorts.  Not a next door kind of neighbour but rather, a neighbour from a few houses away.  And the big black and white somethin' or other that looked like a tuxedo cat but was way too big to actually be a cat?  Well, that was their dog.  The peep knew she sort of recognised that black and white furry ruffian.  He has been in my garden before.  Never invited, mind you, but definitely has been spotted on an occasion or two. MOUSES!

All the way to the grocery store, the peep thought about what she had seen.  "Where had that dog been?" she asked herself.  Well the answer was simple, really.  The dog had not been in my backyard.  Had he or she - we don't actually know which - been in the backyard, Ol' Peepers would have seen him or her when exiting the house through the backdoor.  Had the dog been in the driveway as the peep approached the car, she would have seen the dog then.  Clearly, the dog must have come along the path that joins the front door and veranda to the driveway.  Just a matter of lookin' at all the facts and makin' some deductions, really. Elementary, my dear readers...  elementary.

The mystery was solved.  Now don't get me wrong, the peep wasn't thrilled that the dog had been in my yard in the first place.  On the contrary, she was far from bein' thrilled.  Annoyed would be more like it but at least the mystery had been solved.

Now fast forward to later that day.

That evenin', Peep #2 informed my first peep of a little somethin' found on the veranda that afternoon.  Accordin' to the second peep, one of us cats must have pooped on the veranda.  What?  NEVER! We cats are all well potty trained.  Well...  litter box trained, if you know what I mean.  Actually, a few of us do like usin' the great outdoors but we ALWAYS bury the evidence and would never ever consider just squattin' out on the veranda and doin' our business there.  We're all exceptionally civilised cats, you see.

Now I will admit, a couple of us have been fooled by the snow factor. You see, if you do your business in the snow and cover it up with more snow, when the snow melts...  well...  the evidence is revealed. But that was not the case here.

Peep #1 checked and, sure enough, there were two big dollops of somethin' somewhat unmentionable on the veranda.  They were in a spot where there was no snow and therefore, could never have, at any time, been covered with the white stuff.  Also, they appeared to be fresh. MOUSES!

I grabbed my long coat, hat and pipe - just kiddin', I don't smoke so I don't own a pipe - and headed outdoors to investigate further.  Yup, yup...  uh-huh, uh-huh...  Fresh.  Big.  Too big for a cat.  More like...  More like dog sized, I deduced.  I sniffed the air and knew at once.  I knew at once that the two dollops had, in fact, been left by a dog.  How could I tell?  Why, I could tell by the smell! "MOUSES!" I cried.  "A dog has done his business on my veranda!"

And my Peep #1 knew at once exactly who that dog had been.  Clearly, it was the dog she had spotted when leavin' for the grocery store, earlier that day.  What are the odds that in the interim, a second dog had been there as well?  Those would be pretty high odds, indeed.  

Of course, our evidence is merely circumstantial.  That's why I'm tryin' to convince the peep to send the evidence off to a DNA lab to have it tested.  DNA testing will prove, once and for all, exactly who deposited the you-know-what on my doorstep.  I've just gotta convince the peep to package it up and send it off to the lab.  I'd take the stuff myself but it's dirty and I don't wanna mess up my teleportation device. Evidence of that sort can be kind of stinky, if you know what I mean.  Kind of icky.  Yup, best to leave dealin' with stuff like that to the peeps.


  1. Glad you solved the mystery of the patio poop, Nerissa. You're a great detective.

  2. Glad you weren't out there when that dog was out there Nissy. That is pretty darn scary. Hope he doesn't come back. Hope you have a terrific day.

  3. Now, we are thinking if you still have snow around, there are probably impressions of that woofie's feet in it somewhere. We think we'd get a plaster cast made of the paw-prints and take it to that dog's house and demand that a comparison be made. Those DNA tests can take a long time. Irresponsible woofie ownership should not be tolerated. We thought what was seen was going to be a skunk 'cause we gots those around our neck of the woods, but we guess even an irresponsible woofie owner wouldn't be walking a skunk on a leash. Purrs and paw-pats, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

    1. Nerissa, please stop by at and pick up your Field Of Flowers Award. Congratulations!

  4. PHEWIE!! Perish the thought of doggy doo doo .Do you think it could be a message from the Dogfather?
    The REAL Maple Syrup Mob xxxx

  5. Your Peep should just package up that evidence and deposit it right at the doorstep of that *neighbor*. If he asks why, just say the evidence had a note with it that said "Please return to offender.".

  6. Ew, very invasive for that dog to poo on your territory. Keep your eyes peeled for fresh dog tracks.

  7. Oh, my human would have been FURIOUS! Furious enough to probably build a fence around the whole property. Dog poop makes her that kind of mad. Maybe it's a territorial thing, in which case, wouldn't just peeing around the edges of the property be WAY easier than building a fence?

  8. No DNA testing necessary. I believe you.

  9. Dang, it should be returned to the sender!

  10. dood...yur mom shuld wrap de turds up, rite out a nice mesage that reeds:

    thanx for de visit that wuz act shoe a lee tress passin, ewe left this in yur haste ta leeve my propertee, thought ewe wood want it bak.....

  11. Only a great detective like you could have solve the stinky mystery of the patio poop. Mum would have gone crazy with that kind of surprise, crazy enough to bring it back herself to the neighbor ! Purrs

  12. Oh my! That is quite the story!!
    Grrrrr to the surprise on the veranda!
    I thought at first you were talkin bout a skunk! Cause of all that black and white fur talk! I was worried about you Nissy cuz if you hadda got sprayed by a skunk.......well you might end up smellin like a tomato!! (because thats what they say to use if our fur ever gets skunk soaked)
    So PHEW! that it wasn't a skunkerboo!
    ((husky hugz))
    Frum our pack at love is being owned by a husky

  13. well thank goodness THAT was solved! At first I thought it was a skunk too!

  14. Very interesting mystery. We live in a second floor apartment, so we don't see a lot of mystery poop (not that I'm upset about that or anything). I'm glad you guys were able to get the mystery solved :)

  15. Mystery solved! There's a pooper on the loose in your neighborhood - Mr. Black and White Guy - and he'd better get the message that his poop is unwanted on your property! That's the ultimate insult after all.....his human ought to be a bit more THOUGHTFUL in where he lets Mr. Black and White Guy do his THING! Mouses!

    Hugs, Sammy

  16. Phew, what a relief that this mystery was solved. We see lots of mystery poop and our mysteries are still unsolved, yuck!

  17. Glad the Mystery was solved But Dude!How rudy was that dog!? xx Speedy

  18. Trespasser! Your mom should send that right back to that black and white intruders house!

  19. How rude indeed...for a start b&w doggies should be on a lead,his person should be scoopin the poop and thirdly would he like you spraying his front door..i must say the poop smell goes but spray bwahahaha good luck! Hugs Fozziemum

  20. "Nerissa's Life" has been included in the Sites To See for this week. Be assured that I hope this helps to point many new visitors in your direction.

  21. Definitely let the peep work the packin of da poop. I myself have whiffed that extreemly un-exquisite aroma in the past as Dads sisfur has a cowardice of curs right in her very own home. A dog domicile if I may be so bold. Thankfully they are there and we are here and twixt is a double-dog proof set of double-doors as whew, you really can tell by the smell.

  22. What he pooped on your deck?? THAT is SO wrong Nissy. I hope she throws ater at him next time!! He will get icicles!

  23. Dog poop + egg beaters = awfulness!

  24. What a bad and smelly gift.
    Mystery solve. You are a great detective Nissy.
    I don’t like dogs. They are scary animals and …. no proper being will let his poop in the middle of a deck !

  25. aieee...thought I left a comment...thank Cod I came back...we cats can ALWAYS tell by that smell...WOOFIE!!...

  26. Seriouslies, how VERY rude. We say bring on the DNA!!

  27. That was not very neighbourly!!! Can I just say that if you are sending the poop (not the peep) off for DNA testing don't use an envelope! It's been tried and failed to arrive in its original packaging!!


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