Summer holidays are nearing an end here in Nova Scotia and soon all the kiddies will be heading back to school. This got me to thinking about perhaps taking a course or two myself. I figured I could do the bulk of it on-line, avoiding any nasty and unnecessary car rides.
I thought long and hard about what I would like to study. Should I be looking at courses in the arts, the humanities or the sciences? Cat Lit 101 sounded pretty good but then, so did Peepology and no, peepology has nothing to do with litter boxes. It is the study of the species known as the peep. Of course, some advanced instruction in Kitty Physics could prove useful. As many of you know, teleportation and time travel are two great interests of mine. My brother Seville and I practically pioneered the field of applied egg beater-whisk time-travelling teleportation physics .
What to do... what to do...
Finally, I decided that I should wet my paws in the university environment with a bird course. I've heard peeps talk of them. Of course, I originally thought they had to do with birds but apparently, they do not. These bird courses are the easy ones. The ones that can give a kitty's mind a little rest while still gaining a university credit. What a plan!
I immediately decided upon the study of Geocatology. I already had a working knowledge of the subject so I thought, how hard could it be?
Apparently, more difficult than I imagined.
First of all, I had to find a university offering courses in geocatology. It wasn't easy. It was, in fact, impossible. I scoured the course offerings of every major university in both North America and Europe and found nothing. Not a single one offered even an introductory course in the science. MOUSES!
Geocatology appears to be a very understudied course of study. I can't imagine why. It's incredibly important to both cats and peeps alike.
Geocatology is the study of where the cats are.
On a large scale, we cats want to know what are the most cat friendly nations and habitats on the planet. Peeps, too, require such knowledge. Large-scale geocatology can be applied to any industry dealing with cats. You work for a pet food company? You're gonna wanna know where the cats live 'cause that's where you're going to sell your pet food. You manufacture cat toys? You're gonna wanna know where the cats live 'cause that's where you're going to sell the cat toys. You write mysteries about cats helpin' peeps solve crimes? You're gonna wanna know where the cats live 'cause that's where you're going to market your books. The list goes on and on. Surely you can see the usefulness of such a science.
Geocatology can also be applied on a much smaller scale and this is the part that really fascinates me. In a household such as mine, there may live twelve cats but at any given time, where exactly are those twelve cats? This element of geocatology is incredibly complex. Results can differ from hour to hour. Even minute to minute. One moment, a cat is asleep on a bed. A moment later, that very same cat is at the door. By using the magnetic power of the opening of a tin, all twelve cats are in the kitchen. Turn on a vacuum or bring out a pet carrier and they all disappear. Where are they? The study of geocatology would give you the insight necessary to find them. Such a useful science.
Why do the birds sing? Who let the dogs out? Where is the cat? These are some of the greatest unanswered questions of all time. I can't help you with the first two but if I could get my paws on a couple of good geocatology textbooks, I might be able to answer the third.
Perhaps I, Nerissa the Cat, should write a textbook or two on the study of geocatology. I'm sure I could find a little spare time in my hectic schedule of blogging, supervising the peeps, napping and working on the further development of applied egg beater-whisk time travelling-teleportation physics. Then, perhaps after I've written a text or two on the subject, I might offer a course myself. I bet all those Ivy League schools will be lining up to have me as one of their professors. Yes, I can see myself now... Harvard, Princeton, Oxford, Dalhousie... they'll all be calling me. They'll all be wanting me, Nerissa the Cat, to teach on their campus. Professor Nerissa the Cat. I LIKE IT! Don't you?