Wednesday, 14 October 2015

I need one

OH MY MOUSES!  I want one.  I need one.  I HAVE to have one, for sure.

Did you hear?  Did you hear it on the news?  Oh my mouses, this is the best thing since sliced bread.

Well technically, being a cat and all, I'm not really into bread whether it's sliced, cubed or falling apart into crumbs but this... THIS...  This is the best thing since FOREVER.  MOUSES!

Apparently, the Ontario government is investing fifty million dollars in self-driving cars.

The big news isn't about the investment. The BIG news is that the cars drive on their own.  MOUSES!

Now you might be wondering why I, Seville the Cat, would care about a self-driving car.  I know, I have long been an opponent to the whole car thing because, as you know, the peeps' car appears to know how to drive to only one place and that place happens to be the doctor's office although, I am told, when I'm not actually in said car, it drives to other places as well, such as the grocery store, which would in fact make the car actually useful but as I have not personally witnessed this driving to the grocery store business myself, I am still undecided on the whole car thing, generally speaking.

Whew!  There's an award-winning run-on sentence, for sure.  Someone pass me a Pulitzer.

But back to these cars that don't need drivers.  This is perfect!  Even though I am somewhat car opposed, I have long wanted a car of my very own.  One that knew how to go to places other than the doctor's office.  One I could drive myself!  My problem, of course, has been finding a car small enough for cats.  Small enough for cats to drive.  Small enough so that I can reach the gas pedal, not to mention the brakes.  MOUSES!

With a self-driving car, I wouldn't have to reach those unreachable pedals.  How perfect is that for a cat?  MOUSES!

And a self-driving car could be programmed beforehand... Hmmm...  Before paw?  Doesn't really matter. What does matter is that it could be programmed to go wherever I want it to go and believe-you-me, I would not be programming it to take me to the doctor's office and that is for sure.

Like I said, I need one of these self-driving cars.  Only question is, should I write to the Premier of Ontario asking if I could test drive one without really driving it, of course, as it would be driving itself or should I just bypass her and write to Santa Clause?  Decisions, decisions...  MOUSES!

You're probably wondering why I even need a car of my own.  You're probably wondering why I don't just teleport on over to the grocery store.  Well truth be told, I tried that once.  Didn't work out at all. Our local grocery store has no parking for flying frying pans, you see.  Can you believe it? MOUSES!

I once heard tell of a cat who tried to park in a regular parking space in a regular parking lot and some bozo ran right over his teleportation device, parking on top of it.  Yup, it's true.  Guy's name was Bozo.  The circus was in town, you see.  MOUSES!

But back to that self-driving car.  Only other thing I've heard of that was as good as a self-driving car was one that could fly.  Yup, I saw a flying car on Facebook, a while back.  Did you happen to see that too?  It was a car but it flew.  Don't think it used eggbeater teleportation technology, either.

And if I'm not mistaken, that car could fly on its own, just like the self-driving car.  Yup, it was a programmable self-flying car, for sure. Programmable self-flying as opposed to self-driving, you see.

The other night, I was watching television with the peeps when an advertisement came on for flying penguins.  Well the ad wasn't for the penguins but rather, it was starring them.  And the penguins weren't actually flying in the ad because, of course, penguins can't fly.  I think they were going to use air miles or something like that.  But I bet they could fly even without using air miles, had they had one of those flying cars sitting in their garage. They should look into that, for sure.

I actually don't know what the ad was advertising as while I was watching those penguins, my mind was otherwise occupied.  The penguins, you see, were penguin-sized which is what one might expect.  You know, with their being penguins and all.  But they lived in a peep-sized house and they used peep-sized appliances.  And watching those penguin-sized penguins struggle with all those peep-sized appliances just made me feel sorry for them because really, what they need more than a vacation is a house with appliances more suitably sized for penguins.  MOUSES!

Penguins might not fly but squirrels do.  That's why some of them are called flying squirrels.

Now technically, flying squirrels don't fly but sort of glide but that's neither here nor there because they look like they're flying and that's for sure.

There are flying squirrels right here in Nova Scotia, I am told, but not, as far as I know, in my yard. But nevertheless, I've seen squirrels fly.  It's true!  Even those big grey squirrels can fly high amongst the tops of the trees.  They're so light they can race along the thinnest of branches, leaping from one to another and watching them, you'd swear they were flying whether really flying squirrels or not.

Now here's a thought.  Answer me this.  If squirrels were to be featured in an advertisement on TV, would they live in a squirrel-sized house or one built for peeps?  And if the ad were to show them baking nut pies as we all know squirrels do, would the appliances they use be peep-sized or would they be more appropriately sized for squirrels?  I mean, can you really picture a squirrel attempting to bake nut pies in a peep-sized kitchen?  Sounds pretty unbelievable to me.  Crazy.  Crazier than a squirrel making nut pies kind of crazy, for sure.  MOUSES!

And what's more, would those squirrels be paid in peanuts?

One might think that entertaining squirrels might find being paid in peanuts acceptable but truth be told, they don't.  Nope, I've heard they like cold, hard cash.  Yup, it's true, although I'm sure they'd accept a cheque if you were to show two valid forms of ID.

No one has ever tried to pay me with peanuts but that might be because I'm not a squirrel.  They have tried to pay me with nip, though.  No, sorry.  That wasn't me being paid.  That was a bribe. Turns out you can, in fact, bribe a cat with nip.  MOUSES!

But the bottom line is, you can't buy a self-driving car with peanuts or nip. Nope, you need the cash.  You need to have cash on paw, for sure.  And as I have come to the conclusion that I REALLY NEED one of those self-driving cars, I'm going to have to start saving up my pennies and since there's no such thing as a Canadian penny these days, I'll have to save up my nickels and dimes, too.  I will not, however, have to save up any peanuts.

On the other paw, as I've already been saving up to invest in nip futures, perhaps I can use the money earned from that futuristic nip to buy one of those self-driving cars.

Oh my mouses, this is confusing even for me and as you know, I don't confuse all that easily.

I think I need to imbibe in a little nip.  MOUSES!

41 comments:

  1. OOOOOHHH Seville yes, yes, you definitely need that car. I see a road trip in your future. Pick me up and we will test all of the varieties of nip on the continent.
    Hugs & Purrs Willy

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  2. I think you should hedge your bets and write to both santa and the primier and maybe the easter bunny too! While you're at it, can you see if you can get one for me too??

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    1. Brilliant, that is. BRILLIANT! Hedging bets is always a good idea. purrs

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  3. dood.....we haz hurd bout thoz self drivin carz two N frank lee, we think itz de best thing sinz fish ina can....ewe is rite...de places we could go; pet store, food store, toy store, treet store, food store, de list iz end lezz....well, til de car runned outta gas any way....we wood knot wanna fly tho, with ore with out vizshuz squirrelz....ore flyin squirrelz....its de hole BURD izzue with uz......we hope ya findz ya haz enuff cash moneez saved fora car....then ya can vizit all yur palz two !!! ♥♥♥

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    1. Yeah, I can see that. I can see why you'd consider the flying squirrels to be like birds because, you know, they fly. MOUSES!

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  4. I want a self-driving car! I'm not sure about my human when she gets behind the wheel - I'd feel a lot better if the car drove itself.

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    1. Oh I SO agree. I wonder about my peep being behind wheels, too. MOUSES!

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  5. Lady wants that type of car! FYI, our peeps went out to vote on the weekend!

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    1. They did? EXCELLENT. My peeps voted in the advance polls, too. purrs

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  6. Hey,mwith my luck the self driving care would take me to the Vet

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    1. I think if it's YOUR car, you can program it as you see fit. At least I have my paws crossed that that's how it works. MOUSES!

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  7. We hope you get one of those cars....let us know how it works out. Maybe next time Mom and Dad are in Canada they could try one out?
    The Florida Furkids

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    1. Oh yes! And we could all go on a road trip, TOGETHER. I'll bring the snacks, for sure. purrs

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  8. Imbibin in nip is always da answer!

    If I had a self-drivin car, I'd hit all dem drive-thru restaurants!!

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    1. I'm with you on that score! We could check out, together. purrs

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    2. You think there might be a drive-thru nip store? purrs

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  9. Hmmm...if them squirrels to have self driving cars can you imagine the chaos! leaving them up trees or burying them, then forgetting where they were...

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    1. OH MY MOUSES! I can see it now. Self-driving cars popping up all over the place every spring. purrs

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  10. Let me know if you get your self driving car and you can take me for a spin! I have pennies. I can send them to you.

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    1. You have pennies? Ever lucky! Penny for your thoughts. PURRS

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  11. Oh we hope you get one of those cars. Wouldn't be fun to go where ever you want?? So just where would you go first??? Have a great day all of you.

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    1. Ummm... Toy store. No, nip store. No, grocery store. No... ALL THREE! purrs

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  12. Pretty soon we won't have to do anything...just lay around and get fat.
    In the year 2525?

    Noodle and crew

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  13. Hi Seville. Hope you get your car. Zoey (my kitty) hates riding in any car. She knows the vet is coming. But ..You and Zoey have the love of nip in common. Great blog. <3 MOUSES

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    1. Oh yes, the love of the nip brings cats together from all over the world. purrs

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  14. We find Mum's car only goes one way when we go along for a ride in it and it doesn't take us to the park or anywhere nice!!
    Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx

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    1. Yeah, that's the problem with my peeps' car, too. That's why I need one of my own! purrs

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  15. I think you need to ask Santa for that car and be extra good until you get it :)

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    1. Be extra good? From now until Christmas? MOUSES!

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  16. Those cars are gonna be something to see especially with feline ginger passengers

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    1. Yup, feline ginger passengers who are exceedingly handsome, too. purrs

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  17. Those cars are gonna be something to see especially with feline ginger passengers

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  18. A car does seem like a fantastic idea for a cat... it would be lovely to take a ride... but how to fit the time in between all of our napping... Purrs from Deb and the Zee/Zoey gang

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    1. Well... As the car is self-driving, I think I can nap en-route. purrs

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  19. Oh Seville you made us smile, and think too! We would love one of those cars but maybe we would need thumbs to program it??

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    1. Well... I can type on the computer with my claws so I'm thinking I could program the car. Got my paws crossed on that one. purrs

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  20. Oh Seville you make us giggle :) A self driving car would make it nice, the dogs could take themselves for a ride......

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