Sunday, 28 October 2012
spell check and whatnot
A week or two ago, I found a comment in the spam folder for my blog. Some guy named Anonymous said that Nerissa's Life was "rife with spelling errors" and that he found said errors, "distracting." Hmmm... spelling errors? Doesn't this guy know Kitty Speak? I spell Kitty Speak, purrfectly!
And who is this guy named Anonymous anyway? And why did his comment end up in my spam folder? Could it be that insidious little link he tried to sneak in with his comment? Yeah, it was hidden there just waitin' for some poor unsuspectin' cat or peep to click. And an even better question is this... WHO THE MOUSES NAMES THEIR KID ANONYMOUS? I'm afraid, my friends, the question must be asked. It's a very good question. A question that should have been asked before Anonymous' parents wrote that silly name down on his birth certificate, I should think.
You know, I do use the spell check provided by Blogger before I publish my posts. I have found however, that there are a lot of missing words in it. Many of the wondrous words that I have invented are not yet there. I'm sure they will be, some day. I mean... they're good words. It's only a matter of time before everyone is using them. I use them all the time... 'cause like I said... they're good!
I have come to the conclusion however, that waiting for my wordy inventions will require patience on my part. It'll take the peeps at Blogger a little while to catch up with what's hip an' happenin' in the the twenty-first century, I think. Languages evolve and I, Nerissa the cat, am helpin' with the evolution. But evolution is a slow moving train. Thus, the required patience. Patience is a virtue, you know. And as a cat, I have the necessary patience. Or do I have patients? Hehehe... well... occasionally a claw or two might slip and a peep might become one. It has been known to happen, I'm afraid.
Now you see, that is something for which these spell check thing-a-ma-gigs don't account. Those words that sound alike but are spelled - or as they say in the UK, spelt - differently and mean totally different things. Now technically, patience and patients do not sound exactly alike. There are auditory differences unless, of course, you're dealing with a peep who doesn't enunciate. Bet you didn't know that a cat like me would know the word enunciate, huh? Well I do. Just like I know that patients in a waiting room will likely require patience.
But what about all those other words like the three twos and the two fours? And don't even get me started on all the yours. You all know what I mean. Right? No, you don't? Yes you do. No writer doesn't know the difference between right and write. Let me assure you my friends... spell check will not help you with these words. Nope. You've just gotta learn 'em. Gotta have 'em in your head.
And then there's the whole Canadian kitty versus American kitty thing. We Canadian kitties spell some words differently. We just do. We tend to add a lot of the letter u. We do people favours and have neighbours and well... that kind of thing. When I spell one of those u words properly for a Canadian kitty, Blogger spell check goes all crazy with the squiggly red lines. Crazy, crazy, CRAZY! Crazy as a squirrel makin' nut pies. And by the way, that's red as in the colour of a red squirrel and not a squirrel who happens to be well-read. MOUSES! Another one.
And let us not forget the dastardly s and z conspiracy. I'm pretty sure that it is, in fact, a conspiracy. A conspiracy designed to drive kitties like me up the big ol' squirrel tree. Does this come as a surprise? Or are you surprized? Well, Blogger spell check says one thing while other spell checks say another. Either way, you're gonna have squiggly red lines.
Luckily for me, at times like this when the various spell checks are arguing with one another, the peep lets me borrow her big ol' three-volume dictionary. It's massive but does the trick. The humongous dictionary says surprise can be spelled either way. Both s and z are correct. Spell checks be darned! They're just trying to lead me astray. And as you all know. I was never a stray. I was feral.
It is a big dictionary however and I need the peep's help in setting it up. She lays it on the floor for me where I can scan the pages from top to bottom. It took a bit of practice getting used to all that tiny print and those little abbreviations and whatnot but I've got the hang of it now. Practice, practice, practice... or is it practise? Don't ask spell check. This is one for the dictionary, for sure. Just be prepared for the squiggles in red.
So I say this to you, my friend Anonymous... What is a spelling error to you may not be to me. For I am a Canadian kitty, you see. Plus, I invent some of my own words. And the inventor of the word gets to invent the spelling, too. So ha! Now, let me give you a piece of advice. Get your name changed, huh? To Bill or Bob or John or... or really anything other than Anonymous. It's not a great name, I'm afraid. It's kind of silly. Nah... it is silly. Silly, silly, silly... MOUSES!