peter piper

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peepers.

Scratch that.  There's no such thing as a pickled peep.

Unless, of course, said peep were to be high on the nip.

MOUSES!

Nope, I think it was peppers.  Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled PEPPERS.

Yup, that sounds way better, for sure.

MOUSES!

On the other paw...

On the other paw, what's a cat like me gonna do with a peck of pickled peppers?  A peep, pickled or not, is of far more use than peppers.  After all, peeps have opposeable thumbs whereas peppers don't have any thumbs, at all.

I don't think.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, I don't know who this Peter guy is and I don't particularly care why he was pickin' some peppers.  In fact, like I implied earlier, I don't care 'bout peppers at all.  I don't even care 'bout the pots of peppers Peepers has growin'.  I mean, they're peepers!  What the mouses is a cat gonna do with peppers?  They're...  They're...  They're...  THEY'RE PEPPERS!

MOUSES!

But do you know what I do care about, my friends?  Do you know what I really, really care about a lot?

NIP.

Yup, I care very much about the nip.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of catnip...

And speakin' of catnip, I was out and about the other day, inspectin' my pots of the nip.  Checkin' in on 'em.  Makin' sure they were healthy.  Lookin' for signs of distress.  You know, that sorta thing.

And while I was checkin' on my pots of catnip, what did I find?

Well...

Well I found a certain butt-sized indentation right in the midst of one of my pots of the nip.

MOUSES!

My first thought was, of course, WHAT THE MOUSES WAS PEEPERS THINKIN', SITTIN' IN THE MIDST OF MY VERY PRECIOUS POTS OF THE NIP?  WHAT WAS SHE THINKIN'?  WAS SHE THINKIN' AT ALL?

But then I took a closer look at that indentation and thought to myself, no, that can't be right.  Peepers' butt is way bigger than that.

MOUSES!

And THEN I thought....

Well that's 'bout the time I thought I might wanna go get nipped on account of my bein' so stressed out by the fact that SOMEONE had gone and sat right in the midst of my potted catnip plants and left a big ol' stupid indentation where they had sat.

So long story short...

Kinda.

So long story short, after I got nipped, I got the munchies and had to go find myself a snack.  And as snacks required on account of nip-induced munchies will do, said snack made me sleepy so I had to have a nap.

And after wakin' up from my nap...

After wakin' up from my nap, I went to investigate the strange indentation in my catnip plants, once more.

And that's when I saw...

That's when I saw one of my neighbourhood kitty pals sittin' right in the middle of my best potted catnip plant, munchin' away on my catnip, gettin' high as a kite on the nip.

So I immediately raced indoors 'cause I figured I had best go hide all the snacks.  'Cause after eatin' as much nip as he looked like he had eaten, I was bettin' he was gonna have a bad case of the munchies, for sure.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

suck-ups

I'm surrounded by suck-ups, my friends.  Surrounded by suck-ups, I say!

Yeah, you heard me right.  That's what I said.  I'm surrounded by....

NO!!!  No, I didn't say that.  What kinda cat do you think that I am?  S, not F.  It's an S!

Gentlecats such as myself don't use that nasty ol' word.

MOUSES!

My gosh, not only am I surrounded by suck-ups, but they're all hard of hearin' as well.

MOUSES!

So last night, I was in the family room mindin' my own business when all of a sudden Saffron walked in.  He went straight over to Peepers who was sittin' on the chesterfield with a blankie over her legs,  'cause you know, the nights have been gettin' chilly as of late.

So anyway, Saffy Saffron Sassafras went straight over to Peepers and curled up on the part of the blankie that was lyin' on the floor, snugglin' in between Peepers' two feet.  Then he started to purr.  And purr.  AND PURR.  And then when Peepers commented on how cute and lovin' he was bein', he purred even more!

I'm tellin' ya, he's a suck-up extraordinaire.

MOUSES!

And if that wasn't enough, Saffron then stretched out and rolled this way and that, reachin' out with his paws to wrap 'em around the peep's ankles and stuff, purrin' and purrin' all the time.

A suck-up, I tell you.  A SUCK-UP!

And then...

And then, even though it was past Peepers' bedtime, she sat there on that ol' chesterfield for like an hour or two more so as not to disturb the little suck-up, previously known as Saffron.

MOUSES!

And if that wasn't enough, this mornin' I happened to look out my office window and what did I see?  I saw the cat from across the street lyin' in my yard, rollin' around just like Saffy had the night before.

Yup, he was bein' a real suck-up, too.

AND THEN...

And then I noticed the birdies were flittin' about, showin' off their pretty colours, sweetly serenadin' the peep with their songs.

Stupid birdies.  They're nothin' but suck-ups, as well.

MOUSES!

Now this is a problem, my friends.  A very big problem, for sure.  The thing is, if the suck-ups surroundin' me continue to suck-up to the peep, I'm gonna have to start suckin' up, too.  And I don't wanna do that, you see, on account of if anyone is suckin' up to anyone else, those anyone elses should be suckin' up to ME.

Pretty sure there's a law about that.  If not, there should be.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.