cooler now

It's cooler here now and thank goodness for that.

MOUSES!

As you may have heard, a couple weeks ago, the weather 'round here was unbelievably hot.  Every day there was a new heat warnin' bein' announced.  And not only was it hot, but it was horribly humid, too.  Super duper sticky, to be sure.

But not sticky like plastic cellophane, mind you, 'CAUSE WE ALL KNOW that darned cellophane never sticks.

'Cept when you don't want it to.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, like I was sayin', the weather was hot and humid and sticky and icky and a myriad of other nasty things.  Why, I was even considerin' gettin' a lion cut like my late brother Andy once had, but on a short-haired kitty like me, a lion cut just wouldn't look as good.

MOUSES!

But in the last few days, much of the humidity has flown the coop and the temperatures have cooled right down.  The temperatures have become much more bearable, for sure.  Peepers has even started closin' windows at night!  Yup, it is that much cooler outside.

And not only that, she is now wearin' pants.

MOUSES!

Okay, perhaps I should explain.  Durin' the hottest of days, she wasn't walkin' around nekkid, or anythin' like that.  Nothin' that was gonna get her arrested.  She might not have been wearin' pants BUT SHE WAS wearin' clothes.  She was wearin' her shorts.  You know, short pants.

Oh, and t-shirts, of course.  Yeah, she was definitely legally attired.

Okay, perhaps I should explain AGAIN.  She wasn't wearin' a dark robe or even one of those curly wigs worn in British courts.  Yes, those would definitely be legal attire, but I'm thinkin' they'd also be hot.  Even hotter than pants.

Hmmm...

Perhaps I should explain ONCE MORE.  Peepers was APPROPRIATELY clad in enough clothes so as not to land her in prison.

MOUSES!

BUT MY POINT IS...

The point I was tryin' to make...

The point I was tryin' to make is that the weather is much more bearable now, what with the temperature turned down a couple notches and the humidity gone, and...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

It is?

MOUSES!

So apparently, the heat and humidity are on their way back.

Next week.

This heat is never endin', for sure.

I might just need to rethink that ol' lion cut.

MOUSES!

don't cry, Peepers

There, there, Peepers.  Don't cry.  Don't cry over spilled mi...  I mean, cream.  NO, I MEAN ICED TEA.

'Cause cryin' over spilled milk is perfectly reasonable, you see.  And cryin' over spilled cream?  Why, that's practically a necessity!

But iced tea?

Pfft.

MOUSES!

I SAID, DON'T CRY!  You keep on sobbin' like that, Peepers, AND I'LL GIVE YOU a reason to cry, for sure.

*unsheaths a claw and watches it glisten in the sunlight*

MOUSES!

So what's the big deal with the tea, anyway?  I mean, it's just tea.  It's not like it was nip tea, or anythin' like tha...

It wasn't, was it?  It wasn't catnip tea.  IT HAD BETTER NOT have been catnip tea 'cause for one thing, I never gave you permission to imbibe in my catnip in the first place, and for another, cryin' over CATNIP tea IS actually a thing.

But just plain ol' regular tea made with non-catnip teabags?

Pfft.

MOUSES!

AND STOP THAT INCESSANT SOBBIN'!  It's annoyin' me to no end.

MOUSES!

But let me ask you this one thing, ol' peep of mine.  Are you upset because after knockin' that entire pitcher of iced tea onto the floor, you no longer have any iced tea to drink?  And you had been lookin' forward to drinkin' that iced tea on account of it bein' hot and humid and muggy as all get out outside, and after workin' out in that high heat and humidity you're now in desperate need for an ice cold drink which you can't have, on account of it bein' spilled all over the floor, and the fact that it takes several hours to brew up more - not to mention the chillin' - so NOW you won't be able to have any iced tea, anytime soon?

I TOLD YOU TO STOP YOUR STUPID SOBBIN'!

Or...

Or are you upset 'cause that ol' iced tea pitcher was a pretty big pitcher AND it was also very full, so now, even though you were already tired and hot and bothered on account of the weather outside and the fact that you were out in the yard workin' in said weather - makin' you even more tired and hot and bothered...   NOW YOU'VE GOTTA STOP EVERYTHIN' YOU WERE DOIN' and clean up this big ol' mess you made all over the kitchen floor.

And it really IS a big mess, for sure.

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP SOBBIN'!

My gosh, now she's sobbin' even more.

MOUSES!

So are you gonna answer my question or what?

Nothin' but crickets.

Least she's stopped sobbin' though.

*scratches behind an ear*

Well when you're ready to answer my question, Peepers, let me know.  IN THE MEANTIME, why don't you fill up a bucket with soapy water and start moppin' up this big ol' mess spread out all over the big ol' kitchen floor.

If you need me, I'll be restin' in the family room, right in front of that nice big fan you bought me.

You did buy that fan for ME, right?

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

da hots

We gots da hots.

MOUSES!

No, I don't have a fever or anythin' like that.

BUT MOTHER NATURE SURE DOES.

MOUSES!

I'm tellin' ya, all this heat and humidity is wearin' pretty thin.  Peeps have NO IDEA how we cats feel when it gets this hot.

NO IDEA. WHATSOEVER!

Peeps?  Peeps are lucky.  Peeps can take off their clothes, and...

Scratch that.  Peeps walking 'round nekkid is never a good idea, for there are some things a kitty can never unsee.

I would rather they go jump in a lake.

Take that as you wish.

MOUSES!

But peeps can take off SOME of their clothes.  At least they can take off the heavy ones and put on somethin' lighter.  And bare arms and legs are okay.

I suppose.

MOUSES!

But us cats?  We cats have no clothes to take off!

Our fur coats are attached, you see.

MOUSES!

Yesterday I hung out under a bush for part of the day.  I'm not tellin' anyone which bush, in case the peeps think they might cool off by hangin' out under the SAME bush as me, usin' up some of MY somewhat cool space.

But today, even under that bush is too hot.  So today I'm stayin' indoors.  Today I'm plunkin' my tail down in front of a fan, and...

GET OUTTA MY SPACE!

You heard me, Peepers.  GET OUTTA MY SPACE.

Boy-oh-boy, do you know what Peepers just did?  She just sat down next to me, and...

AND SHE USED UP ALL OF MY FAN!

Okay, so maybe she didn't USE IT UP, but it sure felt like she did.  She sat between me and my fan and blocked all the cool air that was meant for ME, and...

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET OUTTA MY FAN!

Peeps.  They have no consideration.  No consideration at all.

Look Peepers, if you're that hot, go take of some clothes.  But if you're thinking 'bout walkin' around nekkid or anythin' like that...

DON'T EVEN THINK 'BOUT DOIN' IT NEAR ME.

Like I said earlier: there are some things a kitty can never unsee.

MOUSES!

Oh, and Peepers?  It's one thing to take off your pants or top or whatever, but if you're walkin' about in public, near other peeps?  Well if you're doin' that, pants or no pants, you had still better be wearin' your mask.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to MASK UP, too.

turn it off!

Turn it off.

Turn it off.

I said, TURN IT OFF.

MOUSES!

Oh for mousin' out loud.

TURN. IT. OFF.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

What do I want turned off?

Don't you know nothin' about nothin'?  The heat, Peepers.  The heat!  I want the heat turned off and I want it turned off NOW.

Or at least turned down a bit.

MOUSES!

You have no idea, Peepers.  NO IDEA AT ALL!  There you are, prancin' about in your t-shirt and shorts, baring your arms and legs for all to see.  You're like a shameless hussy, you are.

MOUSES!

I, on the other paw, am a cat.  A CAT!  A cat with a built-in fur coat.  I can't take off a few layers when the temperature soars.  I have only the one layer to start with, and like I said, it's built-in.  My fur coat doesn't come off.

MOUSES!

Why yes, I am cursing up a storm over here, sayin' MOUSES this and MOUSES that for anyone and everyone to hear.  You would be too if you were feeling the heat like me.

MOUSES!

And it's not just the heat, you know?  It's the humidity, too.

Now granted, the humidity doesn't make my fur go all crazy and wild like it does your hair - AND THANKS-BE-TO-GOODNESS FOR THAT - but it still makes me feel extra hot.

By the way, Peepers, since the topic has come up.  Do they not make ANYTHIN' to fix that ol' hair problem of yours?  I mean, it kinda looks like your head went all rogue and blew itself up.

MOUSES!

Oohhh...  I wonder if that's why Rushy's tail looks the way it does.  You know, all poofy and puffy and stuff.  I'll ask him the next time I see him.  Whenever I have the energy to get up and walk about in this heat.

MOUSES!

But back to the topic at paw.  It's hot, Peepers.  Hot as Hades, for sure.  And I'm not likin' it one bit.

What's more, I'm pretty sure you - yes YOU, Peepers - are to blame.

MOUSES!

Why?

Why?

WHY?

Well I'll tell you why, for sure.  Peepers, remember way back in May and early June?

REMEMBER?

Remember when you were complainin' it was too cold for spring?  Complainin' it was too cold for the garden?  Complainin' about the lack of heat?

REMEMBER?

Perhaps you've forgotten, but I sure haven't, AND IT SEEMS TO ME, somebody heard all your stupid complainin', Peepers, and now...

And now it's as hot as hot can be.

AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

Now be a good little peep and go turn that stupid heat off.

MOUSES!