forty-seven weeks

I know that many of you have been wonderin' how Peepers has been dealin' with her hair these past forty-seven weeks of this here pandemic.  Wonderin' to the point of bein' driven crazy, I should think.  Wonderin' how on earth Peepers has been copin'!

And I KNOW you've been wonderin' because pals have been askin', Has she snuck out to the hair dresser durin' all that time?  Or, Has she attempted cuttin' it herself?  And, Is it all tied up in a gigantic messy ol' ball?  AND EVEN, Is she givin' ol' Rapunzel a run for her money?

Seriously, pals HAVE been askin'.  They've been askin' me these very things.  I've been fendin' off these questions for an eternity, for sure.

Well for two hundred and fifty-five million, eight hundred and thirty thousand, four hundred cat seconds, at least.

MOUSES!

And I understand why pals have been askin'.  I mean, it's not like Peepers' hair does the sensible thing and falls out when it gets to a certain length like my gorgeous orange furs.

Nope.  No sirree.  Peepers does not shed.

Although she has been known to leave a trail of cookie crumbs from the kitchen to my office.

MOUSES!

But back to the peep's stupid ol' hair.

So the deal is, Peep #2 has been cuttin' Peep #1's hair.

And BOTH have survived.

So far.

MOUSES!

'Bout a week ago or so, was the most recent time one of these hair cuttin' events took place.  The last few times were uneventful.  Or maybe I just wasn't payin' attention and didn't know what went on, on account of my not usually givin' a rat's tail 'bout ol' Peepers' hair, but...

But this last time...

This last time...

Well...

Well this last time, Peepers was in the kitchen, and Peep #2 had the scissors in paw, and I heard...

I heard...

I heard...

Chomp.  Chomp.  Chomp.

Yup, that's just what I heard.

MOUSES!

Seriously, it sounded exactly like that.  Sounded like scissors cuttin' through thick fabric or somethin' at a rather fast pace.

I'VE HEARD PEEP #1 PRUNE A SHRUB WITH MORE CARE!

MOUSES!

And then I heard Peep #2's voice.  "Oh no," is what was said.

Not a good sound, my friends.  NOT A GOOD SOUND!

Especially if you happen to be a peep.

I quickly ran into the kitchen and saw half a peep lyin' dead on the floor.

Okay, so I saw just half of Peepers' hair, but nevertheless...

Nevertheless...

Well long story short, no pun intended, Peepers' hair is back up in that stupid ponytail of hers, where it will stay, away from the pryin' eyes of others, and where mistakes can be hidden.

And the lesson to be learned, is....

WHAT GOES ON IN THE PONYTAIL, STAYS IN THE PONYTAIL

MOUSES!

Good thing Peepers has that entire drawer full of hair scrunchies, you know?  She's gonna need 'em, for sure.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

the orange fur

Hey Andy!  What's with the big pile of orange fur on the dinin' room floor?  You know anythin' about that?

I don't know why it's there, Andy.  That's why I'm askin' you.  It looks like you gave birth to a freaky long-haired marmie kitten or somethin'.

Hmmm...  You DIDN'T DO that, did you Andy?  Give birth to a kitten?  I mean, I have enough troubles dealin' with two long-haired marmie freak brothers as it is.  Last thing I need, is a long-haired marmie freak nephew, too.  MOUSES!

Yeah, yeah...  I know you're a boy.  And yeah, yeah...  I know boys don't have kittens.  BUT I ALSO KNOW you're a long-haired marmie FREAK, so...  So who knows if you can have kittens or not.  MOUSES!

Oh yeah, you've already been neutered.  Whew.

So anyway...  What IS with the big pile of orange fur on the dinin' room floor?  You sure you didn't have anythin' to do with that?

You didn't, huh?

Hmmm...

Hey Rushy!  What's with the big pile of orange fur on the dinin' room floor?  You know anythin' about that?

She is?

Really?

And you're  her allowin' her to do that?

MOUSES!

What's wrong with lettin' the peep give you a lion cut, you ask?

ARE YOU MAD?

I'll tell you what's wrong with that.

First of all, the peep knows NOTHIN' about givin' cats haircuts.  Mouses man, she doesn't even cut her own hair!  And you're allowin' her to cut YOURS?

And second of all...

Wait a minute.  Just wait a mousie mousin' mouses minute.  Rushy, there's a BIG PILE of orange fur on the dinin' room floor, and you SAY that the peep has been cuttin' your fur.  But...  Turn around, Rushy.  Do a little spin.  Just as I thought.  Rushy, where did all that fur come from?  You don't appear to be missin' any at all.

Seriously?

You mean to say that ALL THAT FUR came from that wee little spot there on your side?

Really?

REALLY?

Mouses Rushy, you really are a freak.

Huh, I appear to be at a loss for words.  Who would have thought it possible.

MOUSES!

Okay, I have some words now.  Rushy, when Andy got his lion cut a couple years ago, he had to have it professionally done.  As in bein' done by a professional.  You know, like someone who knows what they're doin'.  But instead of that, you're allowin' the peep to do yours?

Peep cheap out on you or somethin'?  That why she's doin' it herself?  She's too cheap to pay someone to do it properly?

'Cause let me tell you somethin', Andy.  Judgin' by the speed at which she's goin', she's gonna be givin' you that lion cut for several weeks to come.  I mean, by the time she's finished, it'll be time to start all over again.

MOUSES!

And how come you're gettin' a lion cut, anyway?  Did you ASK her to shave off your fur?

Oh yeah.  I forgot.  You wouldn't let the peep comb out the mats when they were small, and now they're out of control.

Well Rushton, that's what happens when you're a freak.

MOUSES!

Yeah, yeah...   Peep #1 told me to stop callin' you and Andy freaks.  But Peep #1 has told me a lot of things, Rushy.  What can I say?  I don't pay any attention to her when she talks nonsense like that.  MOUSES!

Plus...

Well Rushy, let me ask you this.  You're allowin' Peep #1 to give you a haircut, right?  You're ALLOWIN' her to do that.  ALLOWING.  As in... As in lettin' her do it?

Yeah, well in my books, that makes you a freak.

MOUSES!

So anyway...  What's it like, Rushy?  What's it like havin' the peep give you the feline equivalent of a human kid bowl cut?

It is?

Really?

You DO?

REALLY?

You LIKE the peep groomin' you with the electric groomer?

IT FEELS GOOD?

Well gosh darn it, now I wanna let the peep give ME a haircut, too.

MOUSES!