gosh darn it

What?

WHAT?

WHAT?

Gosh darn it, she went and dabbed me.

MOUSES!

Peepers, why the mouses did you go and do that?  WHY?  WHY?  Why, I ask you.  WHY?

'Cause Saffy was doin' the zoomies, you say?

Just what do Saffy's zoomies have to do with anythin'?  Saffy zooms on a regular basis.

You really should know that by now.

MOUSES!

Oh, I get it.  You thought Saffy was doin' the zoomies on account of his havin' fleas.

Hmmm...

Well did you ever think of this, Peepers?  Did you ever think that Saffy was doin' the zoomies on account of Saffy just LIKIN' to do the zoomies?  And did you ever think that his likin' to do the zoomies has absolutely nothin' to do with fleas?

And did you even SEE a flea, Peepers?  DID you?  Bet you you didn't.  We cats have nearly perfect eyesight and neither Saffy nor I saw any fleas.  If there were fleas to be seen, we would have seen 'em first, and that is for sure.

Fact.

MOUSES!

And what's more...

ZOOM!!!

See?  Dabbed with the flea stuff or not, Saffy is STILL doin' those zoomies.  'Cause he likes zoomin', is why.  Has absolutely NOTHIN' to do with nothin' about fleas.

ZOOM!!!

On the other paw, he could be doin' the zoomies 'cause zoomin' around is the fastest way to get past you.  That's right, ol' peep of mine, he might be wantin' to get past you as fast as he can on account of his not wantin' to spend too much time anywhere near you.  You know, on account of his not speakin' to you today.

That's what I said, Peepers.  That's what I said.  I said, TODAY, Saffy Saffron Sassifras is not speakin' to YOU.

'CAUSE YOU DABBED HIM, THAT'S WHY.

And speakin' of gettin' dabbed, you dabbed me, too.  SO I'M NOT SPEAKIN' TO YOU, EITHER.

Gettin' dabbed in the middle of October.

In Canada!

Ridiculous, I say.

I really do hate when she dabs me.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

yeah, yeah...

Yeah, yeah...

YEAH, yeah...

Yeah, yeah, yeah...  Yeah, yeah, yeah, YEAH...

Mouses Peepers, stop singin' your own praises.  It's not a very becoming habit AND I'm pretty sure I heard you the first time.

But am I listenin' to you, you ask?  Am I hearin' what you're sayin'?

OF COURSE I AM.  I heard you loudly and clearly.  You said, "Blah, blah, blah; blah, blah, blah, blah, blah; blah, BLAH, blah;  blah, blah, blah, BLAH."

What?  So sorry.  I musta missed a couple blahs.

MOUSES!

Peepers, don't try to make me listen to your blatherin' again.  Yeah, I KNOW you finally got all those spring bulbs planted.  And yeah, I KNOW it was super chilly out there yesterday but you stuck it out and planted the last of 'em, anyway.  AND I KNOW the wind was whippin' about and turnin' you into a block of ice out there.  I know all that stuff.  I. Know.

MOUSES!

Well the thing is, Peepers, it would have been more of an accomplishment, I think, if uh...

Well...

Well the thing is...

The thing is, I happen to know you had originally intended - and were SUPPOSED - to have all those bulbs planted two months ago.  Two months ago when it was a whole lot warmer.  Two months ago when they first arrived.  Two months ago when it was still September.

AND IF YOU HAD planted 'em all two months ago, way back in September, you wouldn't have had to have been out there yesterday planting 'em in that horrible icy cold, now WOULD you.

It's not a question.  It's a statement of fact.

MOUSES!

Peepers, if you insist on procrastinatin' like you seem to always do, you're bound to end up havin' to do stuff at times you'd rather not be doin' said stuff.

Or somethin' like that.

MOUSES!

I'm gonna stop you right there, ol' procrastinatin' peep of mine.  Bottom line is: IT'S YOUR OWN DARNED FAULT YOU WERE OUT THERE WHEN IT WAS LIKE TWO OR THREE DEGREES, SO DON'T COME LOOKIN' TO ME FOR SYMPATHY OR PRAISE 'CAUSE YOU ENDED UP FREEZIN' YOUR FINGIES AND TOOSTIES OFF ON ACCOUNT OF YOUR PLANTIN' BULBS IN NOVEMBER - IN CANADA - WHEN IT'S BOUND TO BE SUPER DUPER DARNED COLD.

Did I mention this is Canada?  DID I?

Yup, I do believe I did.

MOUSES!

**********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

it's spring!

It's spring!

I said...

IT'S SPRING!

Peepers, are you payin' attention?  Are you listenin'?  More importantly, are you listenin' to ME?  I said...

IT'S SPRING.

What's that?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

I don't care what that ol' calendar says.  Not sure if you've noticed or not, but the calendar is old.  Old as in OLD.  Not as old as you, of course, on account of your bein' as old as the hills, but it's still pretty old.  It's been hangin' on the wall for almost a year now.  More than ten months.  Like I said, IT'S OLD.

MOUSES!

Peepers, Peepers, Peepers...  My gosh you're slow on the uptake, these days.  Comes with old age, I suppose.  The calendar is wrong.  It's spring.

You wanna bet?  You wanna bet that I'm wrong?  I mean, you wanna bet that I'm right?  No, wait...  I AM right.  I'LL bet that I'm right.  You can bet...  whatever, but I bet by the end of the day you, too, will be bettin' I'm right 'cause if not, you're gonna lose that bet.

The bet that I'm wrong, that is.  I mean, the bet that you THINK that I'm wrong on account of my never bein' wrong and my always bein' right.  Right?  Right.

Right.

MOUSES!

Lookie here, Peepers.  I don't know what you're goin' on about.

No, really, I don't.  Fine, it might very well be November 6th and maybe the old and demented calendar does say it's fall; but I was just outside and it's like 23C out there and that, ol' peep of mine, is weather fit only for spring.  

Plus, James - the kitty you're tryin' to convince to come live with us - didn't come for brekkies yesterday and I'm pretty sure he was wanderin' about lookin' for girls or somethin', thinkin' it was spring.  I MEAN, KNOWIN' it was spring, on account of yesterday also bein' in the twenties which is the kind of weather we have in...

Well, you know...

SPRING.

MOUSES!

I DON'T CARE if there are no spring flowers out there.  And I don't care that instead of the trees burstin' with the promise of new leaves, they're actually clingin' to a few old brown ones that haven't yet fallen.  AND I DON'T CARE that the leaves that HAVE fallen are blowin' about askin' to be raked and stuff.  None of that matters.  Oh sure, I know that kinda stuff normally happens in the fall but do you know what else happens in the fall, Peepers?  DO you?

It gets cold.  Yup, it gets cold in the fall, Peepers.  And for your information, 23C is not cold.  It's mild.  It's warm!  By gosh and by golly, it's practically vergin' on hot.

So like I said...

IT'S SPRING.

MOUSES!

What?  WHAT?  Seriously?  You say it's goin' down to 2C in the next couple of days?

Hmmm...

Well that's kinda odd.

You think the weatherpeeps don't know 'bout it bein' spring?  I think I had best call 'em and tell 'em it is.  'Cause it's absolutely unthinkable that I, Seville the Cat, could possibly be wrong.  I'm never wrong.  I'm a cat.  Cats never are.

Wrong, that is.

MOUSES!

**********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

got rakin' to do

Hey Peepers, you think you could get off your stupid, lazy ol' tail and rake some of those leaves out on the driveway?

Peepers?

PEEPERS?

Hmmm....  She isn't answerin' me.  Wonder if it's 'cause I said she had a tail.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, fall is here in Nova Scotia and the leaves on the trees are changin' colours like mad.  Yup, leaves that were once green are now red, orange, gold, and brown.  Looks quite pretty out there, it does.  Yup, looks quite pretty, for sure.

But do you know what else those leaves are doin', my friends?  What they're doin' other than lookin' pretty, I mean.

They're fallin'.  Yup, they're fallin' right down to the ground.

Guess that's why they call it fall.

MOUSES!

The driveway is just about covered with 'em now, and Peepers needs to get out there and do some rakin'.  If she doesn't rake soon, I won't be able to even see the driveway for all of those leaves, and this is a problem of great magnitude, for sure.  You see...

You see...

Well firstly, the neighbours are probably 'bout to complain.

But secondly...

Secondly, I'm about to complain, too, and my complaints take precedence over those of the neighbours, to be sure.

And why am I about to start complainin', you ask?

Well...

WELL 'CAUSE I'M SICK AND TIRED OF HEARIN' SAFFRON COMPLAININ' HE CAN'T PLAY ACORN HOCKEY OUT THERE ON ACCOUNT OF ALL OF THOSE STUPID OL' LEAVES.

MOUSES!

And what's more...

What's more, have you ever gone to lie on a warm sunny driveway right in the middle of the bestest of the best sunpuddles you ever did see only to find that not only was that sunpuddle not warm - on account of leaves not holdin' the heat like black asphalt does - but it was actually cold and wet from a bunch of soggy ol' leaves?

Well let me tell you somethin', my friends, NO kitty wants to think they're about to enjoy the bestest of the best sunpuddles only to find he has to go right back inside to have a good wash and get all dried off.

No, it didn't happen to me.  Happened to Saffron, though, and not only did I have to listen to all the complaints 'bout his not bein' able to play acorn hockey out there; but I had to listen to him complainin' about his fur gettin' all messed up, and the sunpuddle bein' so disappointin', too.

It was unbearable, for sure.

My havin' to listen to all Saffy's complaints, I mean.  The fact that his fur got all messed up is of absolutely  no consequence to me.

MOUSES!

**********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

weather witch

Oh go get a grip, woman, would ya?

MOUSES!

Hopin' for rain in October.

Of all the stupid, moused-up things.

The woman is obviously nuts.

MOUSES!

Now don't get the wrong idea.  I like me some good puddle-water as much as the next cat does, but that doesn't mean I actually want it to rain.  'Cause you know what's better than puddle-water, my friends?  Well, DO you?  Sunpuddles, that's what.  And when the days are cool and the sun is in short supply, sunpuddles become all the more precious.

MOUSES!

Hmm...  Perhaps I should start this ol' story at the beginnin'.

Okay, so yesterday - October 12th and most definitely fall here in Nova Scotia - Peepers went into the all-out gardenin' mode.  She was luggin' soil here and luggin' plants there.  She had the ol' spade practically attached to herself.  It was like the calendar had fallen from the wall, and when Peepers went to put it back up, she mistakenly opened it to May.

Of all the stupid peeps.

MOUSES!

But that's not the worst of it, my friends.  Nope, that's not the worst of it, at all.

When Peepers was done for the day...

When Peepers was done for the day...

When Peepers was done for the day, she went lookin' at the weather channel and tried to channel some rain.

In October.

MOUSES!

Now like I said, sunpuddles are far too precious a commodity in October to be wishing 'em away.

And I told Peepers just that, I did.  Yup, I told her to smarten the mouses up and stop wishin' for rain.

And do you know what she did, then, my friends?  Well, DO you?

Well I'm not exactly sure what she did, but this mornin'...

IT RAINED.

It's like she's some kinda weirdo, wacky weather witch; or somethin' like that!

MOUSES!

Thankfully, after a smacky-paw or two to the face...

Okay, so I didn't actually smacky-paw my peep, on account of smacky-pawin' peeps never bein' a good idea.  You know, don't bite the hand that feeds you and that sort of thing.  BUT I DID give her the ol' stink eye, for sure.  Oh yeah, I gave her the stinkiest stink eye, ever.

And do you know what happened next, my friends?  Well, DO you?

Well...

Well the rain stopped rainin', the sun came out, and I got my sunpuddles after all!  Actually, it has turned out to be a GLORIOUS day.

MOUSES!

Is it possible that I, Seville the Cat, might be some kinda moused-up weirdo, wacky weather witch, too?

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

what a mess

"What a Moused-up, Mousin' Mess.  MOUSES!"  Kickin' an acorn across the driveway, I noticed some squirrels huddled together, chatterin' to themselves.  "Hey!  Yeah, YOU!" I cried.  "What the mouses are you lookin' at?  What business is it of yours?" and I kicked another acorn, just for good measure, before turnin' my back on the squirrels and stompin' toward the house.

"Hey PEEPERS!  You need to get out here, right now."

The peep came runnin', thinkin' one of us cats was hurt or somethin', I guess.  Either that or she was tired of listenin' to Peep #2 blather on about somethin' unimportant.  In other words, somethin' not pertainin' to us cats.  MOUSES!

"What's the matter?" Peep #1 asked.  "What's wrong?"

I stared at the peep.  "Can you not SEE what's wrong?  LOOK ABOUT YOU, WOMAN.  Just look!"

The peep looked, but I could tell she didn't understand.  I could see wheels spinnin' in that ol' head of hers, but they were just spinning 'round and 'round, kickin' up nothin' but dust.  MOUSES!

"JUST LOOK AT THIS MESS!" I yelled.  "Even the squirrels are mockin' me on account of the mess."

"The squirrels are mocking you?" the peep asked.  From the tone of her voice, I was thinkin' she didn't believe me.

"Oh yeah.  I can tell," I told her, noddin' wisely.  "I, Seville the Cat, can ALWAYS tell when squirrels are mockin' us cats.  Their chatterin' goes up an octave, you see.  It's a TOTALLY different chatterin' sound, for sure.  And let me tell you somethin', Peepers: I don't like it.  I don't like it, one bit.  And let me tell you somethin' ELSE, Peepers: That mockin' chatterin' is ALL YOUR FAULT, for sure.  MOUSES!"

The peep looked dumbfounded.  In other words - or in ANOTHER word - NORMAL.  MOUSES!

"So uh..." and I absentmindedly kicked at another acorn.  Where the mouses all the acorns were comin' from was a mystery, for sure, but I didn't ask the peep, on account of my havin' much bigger issues at paw.  "So Peepers, exactly what are you gonna do about this mess?  Huh?  HUH?  Might I suggest a clean up crew, perhaps?  I'm thinkin' you might need a dozen guys or so.  Maybe two.  Two DOZEN, that is.  This is WAY too much mess for just two.  MOUSES!"

"Seville..." and the peep screwed up her nose.  "What on earth are you talking about?  Where is this MESS you're going on about now?"

I rolled my eyes.  "EVERYWHERE!" I cried.  "Here.  There.  EVERYWHERE.  Someone must have come along last night and dumped bags and bags AND BAGS of wet, soggy, mushy, icky leaves all over the ground.  Not to mention a truckload of acorns.  And then there's the potting soil..."

The peep held up a paw.  I mean, hand.  "We'll get back to the leaves in a moment," she said, "but what's this about potting soil?"

"Did I not mention the leaves are all wet and soggy?"

"Yes, you did mention that.  But what's this about potting soil?" she asked, AGAIN.

"Did I not mention they're slippery?  The leaves, I mean.  They're VERY slippery leaves, indeed."

I could see the wheels turnin' inside her head again.  Literally.  Yup, I could LITERALLY see the wheels turnin', on account of there not bein' much brain in there to hide the hamster - or whatever the little guy is - runnin' around on that rodent-sized wheel in there, makin' it turn.

"Do you mean..." began the peep.

"NOW you're thinkin'," and I clapped my front paws together.  "Yup, I can see the smoke comin' out of your ears, now.  Be careful not to overtax that brain of yours though, Peepers, 'cause you don't want it to overheat."

The peep thought for a bit longer before speaking again.  "Seville, are you trying to tell me that you slipped on some wet leaves while dragging around a bag of potting soil, spilling said potting soil all over the driveway?"

"Is that not what I said in the first place?"  I stared at the peep.  "You're pretty slow on the uptake there but, yeah, that's exactly what happened."  I shook my head in dismay.  "Sometimes I think I have to spoon feed you information, Peepers.  It's amazin' you can even get yourself dressed in the mornings.  MOUSES!"

The peep sighed.  "So what do you expect me to do about this...  mess?"

"I already told you.  A clean up crew is what we need.  And make it a big one, too."

"Exactly how much potting soil did you spill?"

"Not that much, really.  But you need the crew to clean up the leaves, as well.  Like I said, SOMEONE came along in the middle of the night and dumped TONNES of leaves all over the driveway, and the garden, and everywhere else.  You'll probably want to call the police in to investigate, but you need to organise that crew for the cleanin' up, right away.  You know, before I go and slip on the leaves again, and..."

"Seville..." the peep began with a sigh.

You know, I thought I detected a hint of exasperation in her voice.  Not quite sure why, though.  She sounded like she was gettin' frustrated by somethin' but for the life of me, I had no idea what.  I mean, it's not like SHE was the one who slipped on those slippery leaves.  Nor was she the one at whom those squirrels had been chatterin', either.  Spotting another acorn on the ground, I whacked it with a paw.  I watched as it rolled toward the peep, stoppin' a few inches from her feet.

"You were sayin'?" I asked.

"Seville, no one dumped tonnes of leaves in our yard."

"Au contraire mon frère...  I mean, ma peep.  Hmmm...  How do you say Peep in French, Peepers?  Could it be, Peep?" I asked, usin' a French accent.

"Seville..."

And there was that exasperated tone again.  What WAS her problem?  MOUSES!

I held up a paw.  "Peepers, someone CLEARLY dumped all these leaves..."

"No, Seville," and the peep interrupted me, VERY RUDELY, I might add.  "No one dumped any leaves.  "It's fall.  Autumn.  The leaves fall in the fall."

I screwed up my nose.  "Well why are they all wet and slippery, then?  You have an answer for THAT, Miss Know-it-all Fancy Pants?"  Why I added the fancy pants bit at the end, I have no idea.  Just sounded good, I suppose, but the truth was, the peep's pants were anythin' but fancy.  MOUSES!

"Because it rained, Seville.  The leaves fell from the trees, and then it rained.  A lot.  It rained for two days, non-stop, then rained a bit more, yesterday, and..."

"And the fallen leaves got all wet," I concluded.  "Interestin'...  Well I suppose there's no need to call in the police, then."

"No, there's no need for the police."

"Okay, Peepers, but..."

"But what?" she asked.

"But where are you on that clean-up crew?  We've still got a big ol' mess to deal with, and I'M not gonna clean it all up.  You best get on the phone, now.  I'll go check the garage to see how many rakes and things we have.  And uh..."

"And WHAT?" the peep asked.  She closed her eyes, probably not wantin' to hear my answer which was Super Stupid on her part, 'cause when you think about it, one hears with one's ears, not one's eyes, and as far as I could tell, her EARS were still wide open for hearin'.  MOUSES!

"And some shovels and stuff.  You know, for the potting soil."

"How much potting soil did you spill again?  And why were you dragging potting soil around in the first place?"

"Meh...  Potting soil...  Top soil...  A bag or two...  A dump truck's worth.  Po-tay-toes, po-tah-toes, Peepers.   Po-tay-toes, po-tah-toes."

The peep let out a loud sigh.

"Oh, and uh...  Peepers?"

"YES..."

"Um...  Never mind.  I'll tell you 'bout the other stuff, tomorrow.  You know, when those plumes of smoke have stopped comin' out of your ears.  MOUSES!"

not again

Okay, so she's never actually done this before.

Scratch that.  She's never done EXACTLY this before, but I'm pretty sure she's come close.

MOUSES!

So this is what happened at my house, the other day:

There was the peep, trottin' out to the garage to...

Now when I say trottin', I don't mean trottin' like a horse or anythin' like that.  The peep was just trottin' like...  You know...  A peep.

But anyway...

So anyway, there was the peep, trottin' out to the garage to get somethin'.  It doesn't matter what she was gettin'.  That, my friends, is completely irrelevant to my story.  What does matter is that whatever it was she was gettin' was in the garage, it was nighttime, and it was super, super dark on account of the sky bein' clouded all over.  There was not even a single star in the sky.  No sign of the moon, either.

Did I mention it was dark?

MOUSES!

So there was the peep, trottin' and walkin' across the driveway, when I heard...

CRASH!

BANG!!

BOOM!!!

Ow... Ow...  Ow...   *SOB*   Ow...  Ow... Ow...

MOUSES!

Okay, so I didn't hear the mouses part.  That was somethin' I, Seville the Cat, added from my perch at the window, inside.

One minute those Pots of Potted Peppers Plants were sittin' on the driveway mindin' their own business, and the next...

The next minute they were...

Well...

Let me put it this way:  The peep walked right into those Pots of Potted Peepers - I mean, PEPPERS.  She walked right into those peppers, and before she even knew it, she was FLYIN' right over 'em, too.  Yup, and before she even knew what was happenin', she was comin' in for a hard landin', right on her knees.

Scratch that.  She flew over those potted peppers and landed, HARD, on ONE knee.  The other knee's landin' was softened by a now dead nasturtium plant growin' next to the peepers...  I mean, PEPPERS.

And FYI, that now dead nasturtium plant wasn't fully dead 'til the peep crashed and landed right on it.

MOUSES!

The peep, bein' a peep, started cryin' and whimperin' like no one has ever cried and whimpered before.

Okay, scratch that, too.  I've heard people whimper and cry way worse on TV, to be sure.

MOUSES!

Now the thing is, this is not the first time the peep has accidentally done somethin' stupid outside.  I'm assumin' the other times were accidental, too, but of course, one never really knows for sure.  After all, the peep is...

Well...

A peep.

MOUSES!

But although this might not be the first time she has allegedly injured herself, accidentally, this was definitely the time she managed to hurt herself the most.  She couldn't even climb up and down the stairs afterwards.  Least not without cryin' in agony.

That reminds me, I need a new pair of ear plugs.  The peep's cries of agony are even worse than her attempts at song.

MOUSES!

But back to the peep.

Scratch that.  Back to the peep and how this stupid behaviour of hers has affected MY LIFE.

MOUSES!

For a whole day after the incident, Peep #1 was out of commission on the anythin'-to-do-with-the-bendin'-of-the-knees front.  And, as you can imagine, this was EXTREMELY INCONVENIENT for ME.  I mean, I had to wait a whole extra five minutes before she could muster up the strength to get me my treats.

Can you believe it?

MOUSES!

And I wasn't just inconvenienced by the tardiness of treats.  I was inconvenienced with the serving of my meals, too.  Every Single Meal, the next day, was served late.  EVERY SINGLE ONE!  Seriously, if I didn't know better, I would say she fell into and over those Pots of Potted Pepper Plants on Purpose, just to make me wait for my din-dins and beakkies, not to mention my treats.

MOUSES!

And litter box duties?  I was forced to watch her hobblin' over to the boxes, and...

Okay, so watchin' that was actually kinda funny.  So funny, in fact, had I not been so weak from not gettin' my meals served to me on time all day, I would surly have thought of sellin' tickets to all the other neighbourhood peeps.

MOUSES!

But back to the peep.

And her stupid ol' injured knee.

And how that stupid ol' injured knee has been affectin' ME.

MOUSES!

You should have SEEN the peep goin' to sit down on the chesterfield.  There I was, LEFT WAITIN', for goodness knows HOW long, while she managed to get herself sittin' down before I could jump up onto her knee, and...

Well we won't go into that.

Except to say, her cries of pain were EXTREMELY UNPLEASANT to MY sensitive ears.

Really.  You'd THINK a peep would be more considerate than that.

But OH NO...  Not MY peep.

Everythin' is always about her and HER stupid ol' knee.

MOUSES!

getting my ducks in a row

You over there, move to the left, please.  Nope, that's too far.  Move back a little to the right.  And you, You move to the right, too.  Just a smidge. Yup, yup, that's it.  WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE!  I didn't tell YOU to move.  You stay where you are.  You too.  You stay right there. No, no that's far enough. Keep still, would you? EVERYBODY STAY RIGHT WHERE THEY ARE!  NO ONE MOVE!  Okay, let's start all over again.  You, you over there.  You move just a smidge to the left.  Nope, that's too far...

What's that, Peepers?  What am I doing?  It's it obvious?  I'm getting my ducks in a row.

At least I'm trying to get my ducks in a row.  Gosh, this is harder than herding cats, for sure.

Peepers, you have any hints for getting these ducks to...

STOP THAT!  STOP MOVING ABOUT!  STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!

Oh Peepers, I could do with some help here...

I should have used rubber duckies.  Bet they would have stayed put and not been milling about like...

I said, STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!!!

What are you babbling about, Peepers?  Oh.  Really?  Are you sure about that?  REALLY?  Hmmm...

NOW she tells me.

Long story short, I have been informed that putting my ducks in a row does not actually involve the use of live ducks.  MOUSES!

Doesn't involve the use of rubber duckies, either.  MOUSES!

I didn't know why they all had to be in a row, anyway.  It didn't make any sense to me, at all.  Now geese, I could see.  I see geese flying in rows all the time.  Flying high up in the air in two rows, converging in a letter 'v.'  Yup, perhaps that old saying should have been about putting one's geese in a V.  MOUSES!

But speaking of geese, the Canada Geese will be flying over my house any day now.  It's true! They fly south for the winter, you see, and my house appears to be on an international flight path of sorts. Every fall, those geese fly right over me and my house.  And you know when they're doing a flyby because they honk up a storm.  Why, they honk like a bunch of irate drivers in a traffic jam. MOUSES!


But like I said, although I haven't yet seen those geese this season, I'm sure I will soon because you all know what today is, right?  It's the first day of Autumn.  That means it's time for the geese to start their journey, southward bound.

I've never actually met a goose.  Don't know why. Maybe my yard isn't suitable for landing or something.  Hmmm....

Anyway, autumn is here now.  It arrived today although it felt like it arrived two days ago.  Last weekend was hot and muggy and sticky-icky.  Just like summer, in fact.  But then all of a sudden, everything got a little chilly and the humidity left us behind.  Leaves haven't started changing colour yet but the other night, the peeps had to put the heat on. Could you believe it?  One day they have fans running and the next, the furnace.  MOUSES!

Another word for autumn, of course, is fall.  Fall...  The season of falling stuff.  It's true!  Leaves fall as do acorns and guess what?  They fall in the fall.  Coincidence?  I think not.  Only thing I don't know is which came first.  Was it the chicken or the egg...  Oops!  Sorry.  Wrong saying.  I meant to say, was it the season or the act.  Do the leaves fall in the fall because they think they should fall in the season called fall OR is the season called fall because the leaves and other falling stuff fall?

One will never know, I suppose, as the leaves aren't really talking although truth be told, they do rustle a lot and the wind is always whispering secrets and stuff.  I bet you anything those darned squirrels know a secret or two.  Bet those squirrels know the secrets of the leaves and all. MOUSES!

Squirrels love fall.  Ever notice that?  It's true.  You should see those big grey ones scampering up and down the big old oak tree at the end of my driveway.  They're looking for acorns, you see. Stashing them away for the winter.

Did you know that squirrels are the most forgetful of all rodents?  At least, that's what I've observed. I watch the squirrels living around here, a lot, and while I've been watching, I have discovered that they're always forgetting stuff.  Mainly, they forget where they stashed their acorns, you see.

It's true.  Every fall those squirrels stash their acorns all over my yard, in little bundles, and then Peep #1 finds little oak trees growing, in following years.  She knows they were planted by squirrels on account of their appearance in bundles and clumps.  A clump of oak trees here and another clump there.  Drives the peep crazy, for sure.  Crazier than a squirrel making nut pies kind of crazy, if you know what I mean.

Not that my peep actually needs to be driven crazy.  Believe-you-me, she already knows that road like the back of her hand.  MOUSES!

But I bet the forgetting of where they put their nuts drives the squirrels crazy, too.  Nothing worse than not remembering where you hid something.  Not being able to find it.  Mouses that can be frustrating.  So frustrating it will drive you to frustration, for sure.

I remember that time I couldn't find my favourite nip mouse after hiding it from my fur-sibs...

To tell you the truth, I STILL remember not being able to find my favourite nip mouse like it was just yesterday.  Not yesterday when I lost it but yesterday when it was still lost.  By gosh and golly, my favourite nip mouse is still no where to be found!

I sure do hope Peep #1 didn't throw it out because one of my fur-sibs peed on it or something. MOUSES!

But back to those forgetful squirrels.  Do you know what they should do?  They should plant their acorns all in a row.  Then they would easily find the darned things when they went looking for them, later on.

And I'm betting that putting one's acorns in a row would be a heck of a lot easier than getting those ducks to line up like......

OH MY MOUSES!  I totally forgot all about those ducks.  Peepers is going to be furious, for sure.  I know she said I didn't actually need to get them to stand in a row but I'm betting she didn't want them waddling all over the place and...

Hmmm...  If I spin this just right, I'm thinking I can get the peep to take the blame on this one.   After all, she IS the one who told me I didn't need to line them all up so really, if they are ducks waddling all over the place, it really is on her.  Yup, it's all on her, for sure. MOUSES!

stuff falls

As many of you know, up here in the northern hemisphere, yesterday was the autumnal equinox, otherwise known as the first day of autumn.

Equinoxes...  Hmmm... Equinoxi?  I had better check that out.

Equinoxes occur twice a year; once in March and once in September.  They occur when the length of the days and the nights are approximately of equal duration.

Did you know that an equinox is actually just a moment in time and not a whole day?  It's true. What's more, that moment in time is different for different places on Earth.

For example, even though the calender on my office wall says that the autumnal equinox was yesterday, it really wasn't.  Nope.  The autumnal equinox occurred at 11:29pm ADT the night before, in Halifax, Nova Scotia.  I live to the north and west of Halifax so the autumnal equinox was actually a little different at my house.

Seville is currently workin' on the calculations of the exact time - to the nanosecond - of the recent autumnal equinox, at our location, as I type this.  The fur is flyin' over there where he's workin'. Apparently, the equinoxiatal time differential of the actual equinox and the date that is marked on the calendar has opened a microscopic time vortex on my office wall, right next to the calendar.  At least that's what Sivvers says.  Personally, I think he was messin' about with whisks again.  MOUSES!

The math is pretty complicated but I think my brother can figure it out.  If not, it's okay.  I actually know the exact moment the equinox occurred.  It was the moment my sister, Mason, knocked that book off the armoire, late Monday night.

Well...  Mason took the blame for the event but in fact, the fallin' book was beyond her control.  That book fell at the very instant when summer said, "See ya later!" and fall announced it's appearance. In other words, the autumnal equinox.

Good thing I recorded the timin' of the fallin' of that book.  If Seville can't calculate the timin' of the equinox himself, I'll give him my data.  He's gonna need it.  Stuff like this is very important when workin' on eggbeater-whisk time travellin'-teleportation technology, you see.  Plus, we've just gotta close that open time vortex.  If left unchecked, they grow and can cause real problems with all sorts of stuff.

But my post today isn't about math or time travellin' or even time for that matter.  Rather, my post is about fall.  Well about stuff fallin'.  I think that's why we call autumn, fall.  It's the time when stuff falls. MOUSES!

Ever notice how much stuff falls in the fall?  Tonnes of things fall.  Literally, tonnes and tonnes and tonnes of things fall.  If you gathered up all the leaves that fall right here in Nova Scotia, every fall, and weighed 'em, they'd weigh a whole lot of tonnes.  Or would that be their mass?  Hmmm... Doesn't really matter for the purpose of this post.

Point is, stuff falls.  Stuff falls in the fall. MOUSES!

The leaves on the trees haven't started fallin' here yet.  My pictures were taken in a previous year but I wanted to set the mood.  As of today, the leaves have barely begun colourin' up!  But before we know it, they'll be changin' to brilliant shades of orange, yellow and red and paintin' the landscape with their beauty. Then they'll fall.  Happens every year.

And it's not just leaves.  Acorns fall, too. More on that in a future post but suffice it to say, don't nap under oak trees in the fall.  Not a good idea.  Not a good idea at all.  Again I must say, MOUSES!

So we've got the leaves fallin' gently, never once producin' any sort of head injury, and then we've got the acorns fallin' like demented nutty weapons of maddening squirrels and...

I just thought of somethin'.  Thank goodness we don't have any horse chestnut trees growin' around here.  Imagine bein' conked on the ol' noggin' with conkers!  Interestin'...  Wonder if that's why they're called conkers in the first place.  Just glad we don't have 'em.  I suspect they'd be even worse than takin' an acorn to the top of the head.

Anywho...  We've got leaves and acorns fallin' outside but indoors, things fall, too.

I gave you the example of the book that fell from the armoire the other night.  That was the first item of many that will fall, this fall.  It's true.

With the onset of autumn, the days will get cooler and the nights sometimes downright chilly.  Those cooler temperatures tend to bring us cats indoors a lot more.  Oh sure, we'll still spend plenty of time frolickin' in the great outdoors.  There will be leaves to chase and acorns to bat around on the driveway and whatnot.  On sunny days, the sun will still warm our fur and heat up our favourite outdoor nappin' spots but as the ol' mercury dips lower, we cats will be inclined to spend more and more time inside.

The more time we cats spend indoors, the more likely a little indoor mischief makin' will occur.  For instance, things formerly put safely up out of reach in places like the tops of armoires will suddenly become within reach as the tops of the armoires become indoor nappin' spots.  They're great for bathin', too, by the way.

Now you get a cat up there on top of an armoire, havin' a full bath, when peeps have so carelessly left stuff on top of that very same armoire, and somethin' has gotta give.  Not gonna be the cat, either.  In other words, anythin' left on top of the armoire in the family room is now fair game for knockin' off said armoire.  Perhaps by accident; perhaps on purpose.  Doesn't really matter.  Fall is the time when stuff falls.  Therefore, stuff left on the tops of armoires is gonna fall.

And the fallin' of stuff in fall is certainly not restricted to things left on the tops of armoires.  It applies to tables of all sorts and sizes, as well.  Actually, any flat surface that looks suitable for a catnap is likely to have a cat, who is spendin' more time indoors due to the cooler weather, jump up upon it. After all, we have to have places to nap!

Any items carelessly left on the tops of these flat surfaces may end up fallin'.  Did I say may?  Any items carelessly left on the tops of these flat surfaces will end up fallin'.  They might be bumped into and accidentally knocked down or they may be pushed out of the way 'cause they're occupyin' prime nappin' space and therefore plummet to the earth...  ummm...  floor.  Point is, they're gonna fall.

So a little warnin' to all the peeps out there readin' this here post.  Fall has arrived and stuff is gonna start fallin'.  Likely already has.  Best you not leave breakables on flat surfaces durin' this season of fallin'.

And a little warnin' to all the cats out there readin' this here post.  Fall has arrived and stuff is gonna start fallin'.  Likely already has.  Best you not nap on the floor next to pieces of furniture with flat surfaces.  You never know what might end up fallin' and landin' on your head.  Take for example, a book that just happened to fall from the armoire, in my family room, at the exact moment in time when the autumnal equinox occurred, this year, at my house.

Hey Sivvers!  How are those calculations comin' along?  That bad, huh?  Nope, I can't publish that. Seriously dude, can't do it.  Nerissa's Life is a family-friendly blog and whatnot.  MOUSES!