eighty-four weeks

Now that is interestin', that is.  Yup, that's very interestin', for sure.

MOUSES!

You know, my bein' stuck here now for like four hundred and fifty-seven million, two hundred and twenty-eight thousand, eight hundred cat seconds; has given me the opportunity to do a lot of reflecting and stuff.  Durin' these past eighty-four weeks, I've been thinkin' a lot.  Thinkin' and reflectin', and reflectin' and thinkin', and...

And observin', too, of course.

And sometimes - quite often, as a matter of fact - I spend my days thinking and reflecting about the myriad of things I observe.

MOUSES!

Why just the other day...

Just the other day, I witnessed one of the strangest things I've ever observed.  Out there on the street, right in front of my house, I OBSERVED two big doggies bein' walked by their peep.  I wasn't scared or anythin' like that.  The doggies were out on the road, well away from my house, and they were attached to their peep by their leashes.  I know from experience that very rarely does a doggie run after a kitty when attached to its peep by a leash.

Peeps can't keep up, you see.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, what I observed was rather odd, indeed.  One of the doggies squatted down like he was gonna do a poopies or somethin' like that, and the next thing I knew, he did!  Now that in itself wasn't weird.  When a dog has to poop, a dog has to poop.  Just like us cats, I suppose.

But...

But after the doggie was done, his peep pulled a little plastic baggie out of her pocket, bent down, and scooped those poopies right up.

And then...

And then she carried 'em home like she had won some kinda prize!

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', peeps are supposed to clean up after their dogs.  And you know somethin'?  YOU WOULD BE RIGHT!

But the thing is, in all my nine lives, I've never actually witnessed it happenin'.

MOUSES!

Talk about a helicopter mom!

I mean, she watched carefully as her doggy did his thing, hoverin' over him like any good helicopter mom would, then got right in there with the poop bag as swiftly as a gull swoopin' down for a fish.

MOUSES!

And it made me wonder 'bout my peep and the litterbox.  

NO, Peepers doesn't use my litterbox.

Not that I know of, anyway.

MOUSES!

Peepers has always been one to swoop in and clean up the litter, but she's never actually hovered over me whilst I was in the process of doin' my business.  And I don't think I'd like her to start.

I mean...

I mean, a kitty likes his privacy while usin' the loo.

Dogs, though?  Well apparently dogs will poop out in the open.  Out on the street!  With everyone watchin', the...

Wait for it...

Poop show.

MOUSES!

I don't think I'd like that, one bit.  After all, we kitties have a sense of what's suitable for doin' in public places.  What's suitable for public viewin'!  More importantly, we cats know what SHOULD be done in the privacy of one's own home, away from the pryin' eyes of every Tom, Dick, and Harry; not to mention the ever present paparazzi.

We cats have a sense of propriety.

You know, that sorta thing.

Oh my.  Oh my goodness!  All this talkin' of poopin' has...

Excuse me whilst I go use the box with the litter.

No Peepers, your assistance is NOT required.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

Peepers, are you a...

It's a question that has to be asked.  HAS to be asked, for sure.  It's a question for which an answer must be found.

Peepers, are you a DOG?

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', why would my peep, aka Peepers, be a dog?  I mean, she's a peep, right?  That makes her human.

We think.

MOUSES!

But if Peepers WERE anythin' but human, why-oh-why would I, Seville the Cat, ever think she might possibly be a dog?

I mean...

I mean, if not human, would my Peepers not most probably be of the feline persuasion?   Would she not most likely be a cat?

Like me.

MOUSES!

But the thing is...

The thing is, although peeps here in Nova Scotia are all supposed to be stayin' as close to home as possible right now, they're still supposed to be gettin' some exercise, and fresh air into their lungs, and Peepers has...

Almost every day when weather allows...

Been goin' for neighbourhood walks.

MOUSES!

Now if there's one thing that I, Seville the Cat know - not that I don't actually know many, MANY things, probably more than most - is that the species most inclined to go for walks is...

You got it...

DOGS.

MOUSES!

Unlike us cats, dogs LOVE goin' out for walks.  You say the word walk to a dog, and the next thing you know they're jumpin' up and down with joy, practically draggin' their humans out the door 'cause they're so excited by the whole walkin' thing they just can't wait to be out there, walkin' about on the streets.

CATS DON'T DO THAT.

EVER.

MOUSES!

But Peepers...

Peepers, I noticed the other day when the sun was shinin' and the air was warm, was burstin' at the seams at the thought of goin' out for a walk.

Just. Like. A DOG.

MOUSES!

So I'm thinkin'...

I'M THINKIN'...

I'm thinkin' two things, actually.  Firstly, I'm thinkin' Peepers may, in fact, actually be a dog, and...

AND...

AND I'M WONDERIN' IF WHILE OUT ON HER WALKS, SHE'S OUT THERE DOIN' HER BUSINESS AND STUFF.

You know.

Just. Like. A DOG.

MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  They makin' peep-sized pooper scooper bags, now, are they?

Askin' for a friend.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

there's a WHAAHHHT?

"There's a chipmunk out on the front step," is what the peep said.  Yup, I heard her myself.  Peep #1 was lookin' out the front door, and she said, "There's a chipmunk out on the front step."

MOUSES!

But Peep #2 must have misheard her or something, 'cause the second peep was shocked - SHOCKED, I tell you - to hear there was a skunk out on the veranda.

MOUSES!

They look so much alike, you see, what with their both havin' stripes down their backs.

NOT.

MOUSES!

Now don't get me wrong.  I, Seville the Cat, couldn't care less.  I couldn't care if we had chippies or skunkies or both hangin' about at our front door, 'cause chippies and skunkies are BOTH kinda nice.  Chippies are fun for chasing...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SPEAK UP, THERE, PEEPERS.  And ENUNCIATE, too!  For a minute I thought you said...

Aw, never mind.

MOUSES!

So anyway, APPARENTLY, chippies are not for chasin', after all.  But what does the peep know, anyway?

MOUSES!

But as I was sayin', chippies and skunkies are both kinda nice.  Cats and skunks are known to get along.  In fact, my Auntie Primrose - may she rest in peace - had a best friend who was a skunk.  Yup, a best friend she used to hang out with under the garden shed.

Or so I am told.

MOUSES!

Chipmunk or skunk, I can get along with either one.  But peeps...

Well peeps are a TOTALLY different matter.  I think it's because peeps, like some dogs, don't know when to keep their noses out of other peeps' business.

Or in this case, skunks.

Their business, I mean.  The SKUNKS' business.

In other words...

In other words, peeps, like some dogs, have a tendency to get a little too close for skunks' comfort, and get themselves SKUNKED.

We cats never do that.

MOUSES!

So you can kinda see why Peep #2 might have concerns 'bout their bein' a skunk on the front step.  A skunk hangin' about, out on the veranda.  A skunk rather close to home, shall we say.

On the other paw, maybe Peep #2 should be MORE concerned 'bout goin' to an ear doctor or a hearin' specialist or maybe a get-the-wax-outta-the-ears practioner, or somethin' like that, 'cause SERIOUSLY, the words chipmunk and skunk do NOT sound alike.

MOUSES!

let's talk about balls

Let's talk, my friends.  Let's talk.

Let.  Us.  Talk.

Let's talk about balls.

MOUSES!

Okay, as many of you already know, there are various kinds of balls which are of interest to us cats.  Many, many, many kinds of balls, for sure.

For instance, take your nip balls.  Those would be knitted or sewn balls, filled with some kinda stuffin', and, OF COURSE, nip.  Believe it or not, nip balls are my second least favourite kind of ball.

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', Seville the Cat doesn't like balls containin' the nip?  What's the world comin' to?  Is it comin' to an end?

Actually, accordin' to some peeps on the Internet, the world was supposed to come to an end on April 23rd of this year.  On April 24th, the date was postponed.  The 28th was tossed about as an acceptable date, for a bit.  Until April 29th, that is.  Last I heard, it's now set for the 24th of June.

MOUSES!

But back to those balls.  See, in theory, nip balls are a great idea, but in reality, it's a very different matter.  The problem with nip balls is, whenever Peep #1 has made 'em for me, they've never turned out right.  Somethin' goes wrong in the stuffin', and they never really look like balls, at all.

FYI, a ball has to be round in order to roll.  Peep #1's nip balls aren't very round.  They're not even close.  They look more more like pot-marked asteroids with bits stickin' out all over the place, not to mention a few corners.

MOUSES!

Now my LEAST favourite balls are treat balls.  Not 'cause they contain treats, OBVIOUSLY.  Not even 'cause peeps might put THE WRONG KIND of treats in 'em.  My problem with treat balls is that I, Seville the Cat, SHOULD NOT HAVE TO WORK FOR MY TREATS.

MOUSES!

Then we have our yarn balls.  Now these are one of my favourite kind of balls, for sure.  Yarn balls are tightly rolled up balls of yarn - makes sense - with embroidery stuff on the outside to hold 'em together.  I really do LOVE a good yarn ball, my friends.  First of all, yarn balls, generally speakin', roll.  That's on account of their bein', you know, round.  And THAT'S on account of their not bein' made by my peep.

MOUSES!

Yeah, Peep #1 has to outsource the makin' of the yarn balls.  For some reason, she appears to be incapable of making 'em herself.  If she did, they probably wouldn't be round.  They probably wouldn't roll, either.  They'd probably...

Well...

They'd probably look like a mess.

Kinda like those pot-marked asteroids with square corners, I mentioned before.

MOUSES!

But back to the balls.  YARN balls, my friends, are SPECTACULAR balls, for sure.  You can catch onto 'em with a claw, and TOSS 'em in the air.  Then, when they land, you can run after 'em as they roll...

Yeah, ROLL.  Roll as in ROLL.  THIS is why it's important that they be round, as only round balls will roll.  Believe me, I know.

MOUSES!

But back to those balls...  AGAIN.  As I said before, I sure do love a good yarn ball, my friends.  SUCH FUN!  Best. Fun. In the World.

And speakin' of the WORLD...

The world - AKA Earth - is round.  Yup, round just like a ball.  Sorta.  Kinda.  If you let the oceans "round" things out a bit.  Round things out.  ROUND things out...  See what I did there?  Hehehehehe,,,

But seriously, my friends, the world is way more like a round ball, than a piece of paper, or anythin' flat like that.  Apparently, some peeps are still unawares.

MOUSES!

Now where was I?

Oh yeah, yarn balls.  They really are the best, my friends.  They REALLY. ARE. THE BEST.  Only thing wrong with 'em, that I can think of, is they don't contain any nip.  But sometimes, Peep #1 stores 'em in a box for us along with some catnip, scenting  'em all up.  Mmmm...  BLISS.

Now there are also plastic balls, my friends.  Plastic balls have both their pros and their cons.  The biggest con is, a kitty can't rightly sink his teeth into 'em without hurtin' said teeth.  The biggest pro is, they make THE BEST nighttime toy.  Give a plastic ball a good whack durin' the middle of the night, and the next day, you're bound to have peeps takin' a new found interest in your nightly activities, askin' if you had fun playin' while they were asleep, and stuff.  This is fact.  BELIEVE me, I know.

MOUSES!

Now unlike plastic balls, which are hard to bite into, there are foam balls which are all soft and squishy.  Problem with foam balls is, after you chomp down on 'em a few times, there's not much foam left to chomp into.

MOUSES!

Then there are meatballs.  Now meatballs aren't for playin', I AM TOLD.  Don't know why, after all, they are round.  Round like any good ball should be.  A good whack would have 'em off the plate and rollin' right across the kitchen floor, lickety-split.

But OH NO, the peeps don't allow THAT.

MOUSES!

At OUR house, meatballs are for eatin', not for playin', but we cats don't even get to do that.  At OUR house, meatballs don't contain any meat.  They're made with gross veggie stuff.  You know, on account of my peeps bein' veggies and all.

That's right, my peeps are veggies.

Veggies...  Vegetarians...  Vegetables...  Whatever.

Take that however you like.

MOUSES!

But now, my friends, it's time for the most serious part of our talk.  Our talk about balls.  The most serious part, of all.

Fact is, spring is upon us, and with spring, comes kitten season.  Puppy season, too, I suppose.

And like every year, every spring, thousands upon thousands of kitties and puppies will end up in shelters.  Most will never be adopted, for there are simply not enough forever homes to go around.

SO...

So if you love your kitties and doggies...

SPAY AND NEUTER YOUR PETS.

Don't shop.

ADOPT!

And I repeat...

SPAY AND NEUTER YOUR PETS.

And that's my talk about balls.

MOUSES!

gone to the dogs

Dogs.  DOGS!  Today's blog post is being brought to you by dogs.  Yup, it has pretty much gone to the dogs, to be sure. MOUSES!

I was sitting here at my desk this morning, minding my own business, when I happened to look out the window and what did I see?  You guessed it, dogs.  Dogs minding - or rather doing - their business, I might add.

Again I must say, MOUSES!

Funny thing 'bout dogs; they sure do have their peeps well trained.  I mean, you see 'em walking their peeps here, there and just about everywhere and that, my friends, is what I wanna blog about today.

Well that and run-on sentences.

Fooled you!  There will be no talk of run-on sentences in this post.  I might use one or two or maybe even three but I'm not gonna talk about them except, of course, for my brief mentioning of them and that, my friends, is for sure. MOUSES!

But let's get back to those dogs.

Ever notice how dogs have to be walked?  Huh?  Ever notice that?

Now personally, I enjoy a nice walkabout, myself, but not when the weather is nasty and stuff.  I like walking about the garden when it's sunny and the temperatures are just right.  Not too cold and not too hot.  Know what I mean?  And although I have been known to go for a walk in the yard when it's snowing, I don't want to go outside when there's a blizzard a-blowing and I certainly don't want to go out in the rain.  Rain is just...  well...  icky.  MOUSES!

But dogs have to go outside for walks, no matter what the weather.  Whether it's cold or suffocatingly hot or snowing or pouring or blowing up a storm, when you're a dog, you need to go outside for your walks.  That kind of sucks if you ask me.  MOUSES!

And it's not just the dogs, either.  The peeps have to go out walking 'em, too.

I've heard some peeps say they like walking their dogs 'cause it keeps them healthy and stuff.  I can see that.  Kind of.

Yup, I can kind of see how having to walk a dog might give a peep a reason to go out walking but when you think about it, peeps can go out walking pretty much any time they like so technically speaking, they don't have to have a dog in order to take a walk.  I mean, if it's exercise they're after, peeps can simply go do their exercising without any dog being required.

You don't need a dog in order to exercise.

Never once have I heard a peep say, Boy-oh-boy, I'm the luckiest peep around 'cause my car broke down last week and now I have to walk to work and the grocery store and to my doctor's appointments and when going on dates so really, because I've been forced to leave the car sitting in the driveway while I walk just about everywhere, I'm the healthiest person around.

Of course, there was that guy from Canada Post who claimed senior citizen peeps WANTED to walk on slippery sidewalks in the dead of winter to struggle through drifts of snow to pick up their mail at one of those gigantic super-sized mail boxes because those senior peeps wanted to get out and get more exercise.  Yeah, there was that guy.  Of course, I'm not sure he was walking along those same streets. Nah, he probably drove his car.

Need I say it?  Sure, why not? MOUSES!

But once again, let's get back to those dogs.

This is not an anti-dog post.  No sirree, I'm not an anti-dog kind of cat.  This here post is actually pro-dog.  Or rather, for the dogs, so to speak...  type...  whatever.

This here post is about a newly invented invention of mine.  Well technically speaking, I haven't actually invented it yet.  I'm still in the planning stages and whatnot but once I have a working prototype, I'm planning on presenting it on that television show where cats and peeps present their business ideas to these financial bigwigs and get money to make 'em happen and stuff.

Well actually...  if I'm gonna be really technical...  so far...

So far there haven't been any cats appearing on the Dragon's Den.  Nope, so far only peeps but I figure there's a first time for everything so why shouldn't I be the first cat to appear on that show, ready to start up a business and stuff?  Huh?  Why not?  MOUSES!

And when you're a cat like me with such a great idea as mine...

Well I think the Dragon's Den is the PURRfect fit and will be lucky to have me, to be sure. MOUSES!

So here's what I'm thinking...

You take a big plastic box, kind of like a litter box but bigger in size.  Four by four feet should do nicely but unlike a kitty litter box, it will have lower sides.  Yeah, only an inch or so of rim is necessary as no litter is required because as we all know, doggies don't like to bury their...  uh... you-know-whats as do we cats.  And in the middle of the box, will be a fire hydrant for the peeing station and below that, some sort of catch-all for the uh...  liquids.  And next to the box will sit a box of poop bags and disinfectant wipes, for easy clean-up.

But that's not the whole thing!  Oh no, the litter box part of the the litter box sits next to a circular wheel - pardon the redundancy - that is wide enough for a dog and a peep to walk, side-by-side. Just like they make 'em for gerbils and whatnot only bigger on account of the dogs and the peeps who will be using them, instead.

The beauty of my indoor doggy toilets - which is my working name for now - is that dogs and peeps can still get their exercise and do their daily constitutionals but they can do so, from the comfort of inside their own home. No rain or snow to contend with.  No icy cold winds. No cars madly beeping their horns.  No mailmen yelling when you chase 'em.  None of that nasty stuff at all!

What's more, my indoor doggy toilets will answer the age-old question of who let the dogs out?  The answer, of course, will be no one for no one need let the dogs out if said dogs are doing their business indoors.  MOUSES!

When you think about it, it's pure genius, really.  Yup, pure genius for sure.  Just goes to show you, it takes a cat to invent an indoor doggy toilet with walking wheel accessory, to be sure.  MOUSES!

                                                           **********************

And speaking of litter boxes, the peeps are still waiting on that permit from the Department of Environment for The Big Dig to begin in my backyard but we heard today that the permit has been processed and issued so that's some good news, for sure.

too dangerous to do

BREAKING NEWS...  We interrupt our previously scheduled blog post for...  for... for something really important.

Not to say that Nerissa's Life blog posts aren't always important.  Nissy always wrote about important stuff and I, Seville, intend to do the same.  But this particular blog post is really, REALLY, REALLY important.  It's about something that came to my attention just last week and I knew right there and then that I had to write about it, right away.  MOUSES!

Um, no.  It's not about nip.  But let me tell you, if it were, that would be super important, too.  MOUSES!

Let me start at the beginning...

Last Thursday, the flyers arrived.  Happens every week around the same time.  A car pulls into the driveway and some man, whom I don't actually know, flings a bundle of papers out of his car window and onto the driveway.  We cats learned long ago, not to be in the path of that bundle of flyers because let me tell you, it arrives with quite a thump.  A bundle of flyers to the side of the head is not something a kitty wants to experience, for sure.

Not that any of us have ever had the experience but truth be told, we all kind of watch to see if one day it might happen to the peep.  We took a vote and decided that that would be amusing. MOUSES!

Well last Thursday, the flyers arrived right on schedule and the peeps dove into them.  Most of them - and by them I mean the flyers and not the peeps - go straight from the bundle into a bag for recycling but Peep #1 usually checks out flyers coming from the grocery stores.  And because she loves us so much, she heads straight on over to the pet section, first thing.

Hmm...  Do you think I should be insulted that she's looking to get our kitty necessities on the cheap?  MOUSES!

Anyway, it was because of one of those grocery store flyers that I'm writing this special breaking news blog post, today.

In the pet section of said flyer, was the claim that thunderstorms could be scary for pets.  KNEW THAT!  But it also claimed that it's not the sound of the thunder boomies or the bright flashes of the lightening that scare us pets.  Didn't know that.  It claimed that static electricity builds up in our coats and that this electricity is actually what upsets us.  As I have a very electric personality all on my own, I fail to see how a little extra static can be all that scary.  MOUSES!

But then the flyer went on to make a suggestion.  It said that by rubbing a dryer sheet - you know, of the fabric softener kind - on your pet's fur, your pet's anxiety and discomfort would be reduced.

I happened to be reading the pet section of the flyer over the peep's shoulder at the time and when I saw that, the fur on the back of my neck stood up on end.  What, were they crazy?  How could they make a suggestion like that?  MOUSES!

Now I'm not up on all this newfangled electrical science thingy so I don't know, it might possibly be true but the peeps have never tried it with us and there's good reason for that.  IT'S VERY, VERY DANGEROUS, INDEED. MOUSES!

Just to be sure, I did a little research. No, I did not rub myself all over with a fabric softener sheet. That would be crazy and the one thing I'm not is crazy.  

What's that Peepers?  No.....  No I'm not.  I'm not crazy.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

But back to the topic at paw.  I immediately headed into the basement to check the labels of any boxes of fabric softener dryer sheets that might be lying around.  I found two.  Two different brands. Apparently Peep #1 has no product loyalty when it comes to laundry products.

Anyway, both boxes had warnings.  WARNINGS.  WARNINGS!!!

One box had a warning that if anyone should happen to swallow any part of one of those dryer sheets, a doctor or Poison Control Centre should be immediately called.  That's right, the word poison was used.  And on the second box, it specifically told peeps to keep the product away from toddlers and pets.  Pets.  Pets like you know, cats and dogs and bunnies and...  and...  Well the exact kind of pets isn't the important part.  The important part is why.  Why peeps are supposed to keep these dryer sheets away from us pets.  It's to AVOID ACCIDENTAL INGESTION, that's why. I'm assuming that purposeful ingestion would be bad, too.  MOUSES!

Basically what the warnings on the dryer sheet boxes mean is that YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT DRYER SHEETS.  It could be dangerous.

And now I come to the whole purpose of my blog post.  I know, you're thinking it took me long enough.  Well I got here eventually so... so...  so...

So anyway, here's my problem.  We cats groom ourselves.  We groom ourselves with our tongues. And then after grooming, our tongues go back into our mouths and anything that happens to be on our tongues at the time, ends up being swallowed.

Now if peeps go and rub dryer sheets on our fur, all those chemicals that are in the sheets are going to end up on our fur.  Then when we wash ourselves...

You get the picture, I am sure.

Why, you might as well just chop up a few sheets and add it to our meals or why don't you, yourselves, chew on a sheet or two for linen fresh breath?  MOUSES!

NO!!!   I am NOT suggesting that anyone does that.  I'm merely pointing out the stupidity of the suggestion to rub a dryer sheet on a cat or dog's fur.  Doing that is practically the same as allowing us to eat it and the products say right on their boxes that ingesting - in other words, eating - dryers sheets is VERY DANGEROUS.  Far too dangerous for anyone to even think of doing.

I am shocked and appalled that the grocery store that sells my favourite cat food made this very dangerous suggestion but, I suppose, they didn't know any better.  Not that they couldn't have read the warnings on the dryer sheet boxes themselves, but...

No, this blog post isn't about blame. It's about keeping pets safe.  It's important that we get the word out that dryer sheets - and any part of them - are unsafe to eat.  And if they're not safe to eat, no one should be rubbing them on a cat or dog's fur because doing so is going to make that cat or dog ingest the chemicals they contain.  There's good reason that one box stated to keep the sheets away from pets!

So please...  Please...  PLEASE... Please keep dryer sheets away from your pets.  Do NOT rub these things on your cats' and dogs' fur.  Do NOT!!! Not ever.  Never.  Never ever, ever.  It's way too dangerous to do.  MOUSES!

                        ***************************************************

This just in...   After the publishing of my blog post and two - count 'em, TWO - e-mails to the grocery store's customer service centre, Peep #1 and I were promised a 'correction' in this week's flyer.  So today, I sent the peep out to investigate the matter at paw.

In every store across the land - or maybe just the Atlantic provinces as I'm not sure if the whole country got the same flyer with the same questionable advice -  there are notices posted wherever they have flyers.  It tells peeps that rubbing their pets with dryer sheets can cause harm and instead, suggest that they "create a safe place" to help calm their kitties and doggies during thunder storms.

We did it, my friends.  We did it!  KITTIES OF THE INTERNET...   UNITE!!!

crazier than a squirrel makin' nut pies

My neighbourhood has gone to the dogs.  Yes, you heard that, correctly. It has gone to the dogs. MOUSES!

You know, there are an awful lot of doggies livin' in my neighbourhood. They appear to be everywhere.  To the north, to the south, to the east and the west.  Like I said, they're EVERYWHERE.

And not only are they livin' everywhere, but they're walkin' everywhere, too.  Every single day, I see doggies bein' walked past my house.  Big ones, little ones, in-between sized ones and even teeny-tiny almost minuscule ones that would seriously fit inside a teacup although, perhaps not so small that they could fit into one of those demitasse cups the peep has but never uses.  Those aren't even big enough to hold a cup of coffee.  MOUSES!

And where did they all come from?  And who let them out?  Yeah, who did let all those doggies out? Anyone ever figure that out?

Who let the dogs out?  One of life's greatest mysteries.  Still unsolved, to this day.  MOUSES!

I'm tellin' you, havin' all those dogs livin' in and wanderin' around my neighbourhood is crazy. CRAZY, I tell you.  Crazier than a squirrel makin' nut pies and believe-you-me, that's some serious kind of crazy.

And speakin' of squirrels.  They're everywhere, too.  Those grey squirrels are drivin' me crazy.  Not as crazy as them but crazy, nonetheless.

We have that big 'ol oak tree at the end of the driveway.  That big ol' oak tree that has been leadin' a double life.  By day, an oak tree.  By night, a squirrel magnet.  Or maybe it's the other way round. Hmmm...

Yeah, it is the other way round 'cause I only ever see the squirrels in the daytime but see them, I do. That ol' oak tree must be usin' its magnetic powers of persuasion to attract those squirrels durin' the daylight hours.  At night, it's just a tree.

The squirrels are after the acorns, I do believe.  They collect 'em to make pies.  Nut pies, of course. Don't know what other ingredients are required but they sure do need a lot of acorns.  They've been collecting 'em for ages.

You ever seen a squirrel makin' nut pies?  To tell you the truth, I haven't, either.  But if I ever did get to witness the squirrels bakin' their pies, I can assure you that the sight would be pretty crazy.  That's right...  CRAZY.  Crazier than a squirrel makin' nut pies kind of crazy.  After all, that's where the sayin' comes from.

Funny how we know that squirrels makin' nut pies is crazy and yet, so far, no one has discovered who let all those dogs out.  MOUSES!


Do you know somethin' else that's crazy?  Red scarves.  Yup, it's true.

A few weeks ago, the peeps were goin' shoppin' or somethin' when they noticed that hanging on one of the trees in my garden was a scarf.  Yup, there was a red scarf hangin' there, makin' itself right at home.  MOUSES!

Now the tree in question stands right at the edge of my garden and the scarf was hangin' on a branch reachin' over the ditch between my garden and the road.  I'm not allowed on the road and that's why I didn't discover the scarf, myself.  If it had been hangin' on a branch on the other side of the tree, I would have spotted it in a flash.

Anywho...  Peep #1 was drivin' and she stopped the car and stared at the scarf.  At least, that's what I was told, after the fact.  I wasn't actually in the car to witness the event, myself.

I do believe it was one of those "Wha???" moments that we all experience from time to time.  I mean, who the mouses goes around hangin' scarves on trees?  Discoverin' one hangin' there has got to lead the discoverer to cry, "Wha?" in dismay.  Seriously.

Well the scarf didn't belong to anyone livin' at my house.  Not to the peeps and not to any of us cats. We cats don't wear scarves, you see.

So another mystery had presented itself.  Who hung the scarf on the tree?  To whom did the scarf belong?  And what were the peeps gonna do about it?

Turns out, they chose to ignore it.

Well that ol' scarf hung there on that tree for a couple of days until finally, Peep #1 declared, "If it's still there on garbage day, it's going out."

I immediately called up the squirrels and said, "Sorry for interruptin' your baking but if you wanna keep your scarf, you had better go collect it, immediately.  Peep #1 is seein' red."

The squirrels denied any knowledge of the scarf hangin' in the tree and went back to bakin' their pies.  MOUSES!

But before the scarf could be chucked in the garbage, it disappeared.  Or did it....

The scarf was no longer hangin' in the tree and Peep #1 forgot all about it.  Out of sight, out of mind, I suppose.  Garbage day came and garbage day went and the scarf was never thought of, again.

Then just the other day, while my claws were clickin' away at the ol' computer 'cause I was workin' on my blog, I happened to glance up and look out my office window.  There was some movement on the road, just beyond the trees.  Hmmm...

I could see a dog out there on that road.  He was movin' about a little but not really walkin'.  I said to myself, "I bet he's poopin'.  There had better be a peep with him to do some scoopin'!"

Eventually, the dog started walkin' again and I saw, that followin' a few feet behind him was his peep. His peep was walkin' rather slowly.  She was walkin' slowly, holdin' a piece of fabric out in front of her.  Yup, his peep was admirin' her new red scarf.  MOUSES!

I have given a lot of thought to this latest mystery.  I do believe that the scarf must have fallen to the ground, unnoticed by my peeps.  Being peeps, they immediately forgot about it.  The woman walkin' the dog must have spotted the scarf and climbed down into the ditch to retrieve it.  Finders keepers, as they say.  At least the scarf has a home now.  Better with her than in the garbage like my peep was gonna do.

From where the scarf originally came, we will never know.  That mystery shall remain unsolved like all the other great unsolved mysteries of our time. Mysteries like, exactly who built Stonehenge and why?  How did the Egyptians build the Great Pyramid and could aliens actually have been involved?  And yes, my friends, who did let all those doggies out?  And were those doggies in question ever sittin' in a window and if so, how much were they?

So many unanswered questions.  So many mysteries.  It's enough to drive a kitty a little squirrelly, if you know what I mean.

Hmmm...  I wonder if those squirrels top their nut pies with whipped cream.  Bet they do.  Yup, I'm almost certain of it.  Anythin' else would be...  CRAZY.