Hey there, you ol' Nosey-Neighbour-Cat, I'll shake your paw but I've only got one thing to say to you and that's, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!Okay, that never actually happened.
Now don't get me wrong, Nosey-Neighbour-Cat was in my house. Oh yeah, he was in my house, for sure. He was hangin' around an awful lot and snuck in when none of us cats were lookin'. Then he went out last Wednesday night and we cats all breathed a collective sigh of relief 'cause to tell you the truth, none of us actually like him. But he doesn't like us, either, so it all evens out, I suppose.
Then late Friday afternoon, Peep #1 went into the garage lookin' for a plant pot. She found a pot, all right, but do you know what else she found? She found that darned cat! He must have been in there for over a day 'cause the last time the peep had had the garage door open was on Thursday mornin' when she was puttin' the garbage out for collection. She hadn't realised he had snuck in when she wasn't lookin'. Oh yeah, he's a super sneaky character is that Nosey-Neighbour-Cat. Super sneaky, for sure. MOUSES!
Anywho... Peep #1 felt sorry for Nosey-Neighbour-Cat on account of his havin' been locked in our garage for so long and she felt kind of guilty, too, as she had been the one to accidentally lock him in there. So when he asked to come back into my house, she went and opened the window. Again I must say... MOUSES!
Well that happened, Friday. Today is Sunday and today is the day he finally left. Got my paws crossed that he'll go to his own house, eat his own food, breath his own air, use his own litter box and pester his own peeps. Got my paws crossed but truth be told, it might just be wishful thinkin' on my part. Once more I must say... MOUSES!
Now you're all probably wonderin' why I didn't say somethin' to that ol' Nosey-Neighbour-Cat before this mornin'. You're probably wonderin' why I didn't tell him to get the heck back to his own house and stay there. Believe you me, I thought about it. I thought about it long and hard but then I thought better of it and held my tongue.
You ever hear of the expression, the cat's got your tongue? Well, I'm a cat and I was holdin' my own tongue on account of knowin' that I shouldn't just blurt out whatever was on my mind without thinkin' about the ramifications of blurtin' without thinkin' because I'm a better cat than that. MOUSES!
Durin' the last day and a half, the rest of my fur-fam had been givin' Nosey-Neighbour-Cat a pretty hard time. There wasn't any fighting. No fur flew or anythin' like that. But my sibs were actin' pretty rudely towards him, for sure. They ostracised him.
No, they didn't turn him into an ostrich. They didn't even call him an ostrich. They didn't really call him any names at all. They just ignored him.
That's right, my fur-fam ignored Nosey-Neighbour-Cat and they did so really rudely. It's definitely possibly to ignore someone politely but that is not what my fur-fam did. Not what they did at all.
My fur-fam went out of their way to let Nosey-Neighbour-Cat know he was bein' ignored. He must have felt so unwelcome, which, to be honest, he was but still... I'm thinkin' his feelings must have been smartin', for sure. Yeah, it was pretty rude.
Nosey-Neighbour-Cat camped out on top of the kitchen cupboards and the refrigerator for a whole day and a half, only coming down for meals and group photos. Oh yeah, there were no group photos taken. MOUSES!Okay, he came down to eat and use the litter box. The peeps didn't actually feed him 'cause they were seriously hopin' he'd get the hint and head on back to his own house with his own peeps but Nosey-Neighbour-Cat has a way of helpin' himself. He even tore into an unopened bag of kibble. Could you believe it? He didn't like what the peep had left in our snackin' bowls and wanted somethin' else so he tore right into the bag and, as I said, helped himself. He also ate soft food from our plates and, I believe, knocked a tin off the counter, at one point, to get at the fanciest of the feasts. Again I must say... MOUSES!
The rest of my fur-fam were behavin' like cliquey teenage girls in a high school cafeteria. You know, the ones featured on so many movies 'bout high school cafeterias. They were sittin' everywhere but where Nosey-Neighbour-Cat was sittin'. Makin' him feel like he didn't have a friend in the world. Of course, at my house, he really doesn't have any friends but he always had his own house to go to. Over there, they love him. Why he wants to hang out with us is one of the great unanswered mysteries of the century. Well that and who let the dogs out but I've pretty much given up on the findin' the answer 'bout those dogs. Once more I must say... MOUSES!
I seriously considered join' my fur-fam in the ostracisation of Nosey-Neighbour-Cat. I thought, everyone else is doin' it so why shouldn't I join in on the fun, too?
Then I thought better. Partly 'cause even those it might be fun for the ostracisers, for the ostracisee, fun is definitely missin' from the equation.
But my main reason for not participatin' in the ostracisation of the most nosey cat in the neighbourhood, EVER, was that I realised that I was a better cat than that. I realised that this was my moment to shine. To rise above the general fray and be a shining example for mancats, everywhere.
Also, it occurred to me that this whole ostracising business could very well be some sort of test bein' given to me by the universe. A test to see if I, Nerissa the Cat, really am qualified to be appointed to the Senate of Canada. To see if I, Nerissa the Cat, should be representin' the Province of Nova Scotia in the Canadian Senate.
Representin' Nova Scotia in the Senate would be a very prestigious honour. Although a political position, there is some diplomacy involved. And politeness, too. Nothin' wrong with a little politeness. Politeness can go a long way, for sure.
You ever hear that ol' expression 'bout catchin' more flies with honey than vinegar? Well, it's true. Vinegar won't catch you a fly at all. Not that anyone actually wants to go out catchin' flies - I'm more inclined to swat them away, myself - but I'm sure you get my point.
It occurred to me that when I'm appointed to the Senate of Canada, I'm gonna have to be somewhat diplomatic 'bout certain things. It also occurred to me that as practise makes perfect, I should start practicin' the art of diplomacy on Nosey-Neighbour-Cat. No one ever said this bein' a Senator stuff was gonna be easy!
So I refrained from the ostracisation of that nosey neighbourin' cat of mine. At one point, I even extended him a paw when he passed me while jumpin' down from the cupboards.
Several times over the last day and half, I was tempted to give him a piece of my mind. To tell him to, you know, get out of my house and go back from whence he came. But instead of just blurtin' out whatever I was thinkin', I censored myself. That's right, I was censored! I held my tongue like a real mancat does and instead, offered up a smile with merely the suggestion of the fact that his peeps were probably missin' him and he might wanna go home to let 'em know he was okay.
I kept thinkin' of the honey and vinegar thing and remindin' myself that blurtin' without thinkin' usually comes back to bite you in tail when you're least expectin' it. I also reminded myself that bites to tail are extremely painful, at best.
Now today, my brothers and sisters are snickerin' behind my back 'cause I wouldn't join in on their fun but I pointed out to them that firstly, by bein' polite, I managed to get that ol' Nosey-Neighbour-Cat to leave our house, this mornin'. Their tactics were gettin' them nowhere. They were gettin' Nosey-Neighbour-Cat to go nowhere, too. I also reminded my fur-fam that I need to look out for my own political career. I really want that appointment to the Senate and if I'm gonna get it, I've gotta show Canadians that I can be a responsible politician and behave with the necessary decorum. I need to be polite. I need to be diplomatic. I need to behave with maturity. I need to behave, appropriately. I mean... It's not like I wanna run for Prime Minister or anythin'. MOUSES!
