curvy gal

If I fits, I sits.

MOUSES!

And if she fits, she sits, too.

MOUSES!

But on the other paw...

On the other paw, those of you who know my sister, Mason, know she's uh...

Well...  

Well she's not the kinda kitty who likes to go without her supper.  She's rather uh...

Hmmm....

She's uh...  Somewhat...

HMMM...

Well she's what one might call a CURVY GAL, for sure.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

MOUSES!

But before we were talking 'bout Mason, we were talking 'bout boxes, and I bet you're all wonderin' why Mason's voluptuous curves have anythin' to do with boxes at all.

Well...

Well let's just say, sometimes those curves don't fit.

MOUSES!

Yesterday evenin', Peep #1 placed an empty box on the family room floor.  I don't know why she did it.  It wasn't actually a box meant for us cats.  It was just a...  Well...  A box.

But the general rule in my house is, no box remains empty for long, so...

So Mason immediately trotted over to inspect said box.

Now as it turns out, the box was not a big box, at all.  Oh, it wasn't super small, like a ring box, or anythin' like that.  It was much bigger than a ring box, for sure.   It was bigger than a shoe box, too.  But not by much.  And unfortunately, it was not bigger than...

Well...

Mason.

MOUSES!

But did that stop my sister from tryin' it out?

Never one to be daunted by the mere piddly size of a box, Mason immediately stated, "If I fit, I'm sure as mouses gonna sit," although not in those exact words.

Well first the front paws went into the box but alas, with the front paws inside, there was no room for her butt.  So then she tried squeezin' the tail end in first, but that didn't work out either.  Plus, there was an issue with balance.  Next thing she knew, both she and the box had tipped right over and they both ended up lyin' on their sides.  I, of course, offered to give her a push and a shove - you know, to squeeze her butt back in there -  but my attempts of assistance were met with resistance.  In other words, I was threatened with a smacky-paw to the chin.

MOUSES!

So that's when I decided to simply get up and walk away.

Shame Mason didn't follow my lead, 'cause...

'Cause the NEXT thing I knew...

Well...

Well let me ask you this:

When is a box not a box?

WHEN IT'S A HAT.

MOUSES!

That's right, my friends, Mason wore that box as if it were a hat.

Just like that ol' cat in a hat.

And she looked...

Well...

Ridiculous, in fact.

MOUSES!





BREAKING NEWS...  This just in...  The latest fashion trend to hit the Paris catwalks this spring is the bigger-than-a-pillbox-smaller-than-a-breadbox cardboard hat.

MOUSES!

I fits, I sits

What the mouses?

MASON, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

Uh, yeah.  That's not how that sayin' goes.

What's that?  No...  No, the sayin' is, I fits, I sits.  I should know, on account of my havin' said it many a time but...

But what?  But you say that that's what you're doin'.

Uh, no.  That's not what you're doin' at all. MOUSES!

I suppose I can agree with you on that. You ARE sittin'.  But as far as the fittin' part goes...

Mason, Mason, Mason...  *sighs*

Well for starters, that's a box.

Pardon me?  You say you know it's a box.

Okay...

Well tell me this then, Mason.  Do you know what to do with said box?

Scratch that.  I know perfectly well that you know what to do with boxes.  I've seen you in many a box before but...

Well...

DO YOU KNOW THAT THAT BOX IS A BOX?

And perhaps more to the point, DO YOU KNOW THAT IT ISN'T A HAT?  MOUSES!

Mason, in this here house, we cats do not wear hats.  We don't wear boxes, either.  We just don't. None of us do.  I repeat, NONE OF US.  One of us cats starts trottin' around the house wearin' a hat, and the next thing you know, Peep #1 will be knittin' us all beanies and stuff.  You know how she is.  MOUSES!

And how the heck are you keepin' that box on your head, anyway?

Oh...

I see.

It's stuck, you say.

Hmmm...

Well it probably has somethin' to do with it not bein' a hat in the first place. Maybe somethin' to do with it bein' a very small box, and you know, the fact that it actually IS a box.  MOUSES!

And why DID you decide to stick that box on your head?

Oh...

I see.

That wasn't your intention, you say.

Hmmm...

So you stuck your head in the box, to see if you would fit;  and when you tried to pull your head out of the box, the box came with your head.

Hmmm...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Sorry.  I know.  It's not polite to laugh at sisters.  Even if they do have boxes stuck on their heads but...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

It may not be polite but it sure is fun.  MOUSES!

So anyway, Mason, how are you plannin' on gettin' your head unstuck from that there box?  Huh? HUH?  Inquirin' minds are gonna wanna know.  MOUSES!

Ah, you were hopin' I'd help you.  Help you get your head unstuck from the box.  You were hopin' I'd grab hold of one end, and pull it off your head, were you?

I don't know, Mason.  I've never been known to be overly helpful.

Plus, if I pull that box off your head before Peep #1 sees you...

Well she'd never forgive me, for sure.

HEY PEEPERS!  MASON HAS A BOX STUCK ON HER HEAD!!!  THAT'S RIGHT, SHE'S GONE AND GOT HER HEAD STUCK IN A BOX.  COME SEE!!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Mason, before the peep gets here to remove that box from your head, let me give you two pieces of advice. 

Number one is, there are some boxes into which, cats simply will not fit, and it should go without sayin' that in these boxes, one should NEVER attempt to sit.

And number two is, boxes and hats?  Two totally different things.  MOUSES!