Sunday, 11 April 2021

fifty-six weeks

IT DOESN'T INCLUDE YOU.


I SAID, IT. DOESN'T. INCLUDE. YOU.


Mouses Saffron, when the peeps say they're social distancin' - ie, keepin' their distance from other peeps - it doesn't apply to us cats.  Oh sure, sometimes we cats would LIKE for it to apply to us.  In fact, MOST OF THE TIME we'd like for it to apply to us, but facts are facts and it simply doesn't, you see.


Unfortunately.


MOUSES!


What do I mean by that?


Well...


Well it's like this: when a peep wants to pick you up and cuddle you, practically SMOTHERIN' you with kisses, they do it whether they're in the ol' social distancin' mode, or not.  No six paws between peeps and cats, they say.  There's no peep-cat social distancin' rule.


Unfortunately.


MOUSES!


I know, I know...  I hear what you're sayin'.  A six paw peep-cat social distancin' rule makes a whole lotta sense, for sure.  But peeps make these rules, and they make 'em with peeps' wants and needs in mind, you see.  That's how it is.  Unfair, for sure, but it is what they do.


MOUSES!


So my point is...


I SAID, MY POINT IS, there's no need for you to still be social distancin' from Peepers, Saffron.  She'd like for you to get close enough to her to let her pick you up and stuff - you know, so that she can cuddle you and smother you with kisses - but it's kinda hard for Peepers to do that when you refuse to let her get anywhere near.


So I'm askin'...


NO, I'm BEGGIN' that you start lettin' Peepers get a little closer, and...


Why am I so anxious for you to let Peepers pick you up, you ask?


Well...


Well it's like this: for the past three hundred and four million, eight hundred and nineteen thousand, two hundred cats seconds, I'M BEEN HAVIN' TO DEAL WITH PEEPERS' CUDDLES AND KISSES ALL BY MYSELF.  And that's a whole lotta cuddles and kisses for one cat to tolerate on his own, so...


So...


SO...


SO I NEED YOUR HELP WITH THE HOUSEHOLD KITTY CUDDLE AND KISS RESPONSIBILITIES.  I need you to help ease my load.  A burden shared is a burden halved, they say.  You know, that sorta thing.  It would make the next few months of this ol' pandemic a whole lot easier on me.


Yeah, yeah, a whole lot easier on me but harder for you.  I hear you, but...


But...


But honestly, I don't really care.  Come on, Saffron.  Stop social distancin' from the peeps and come live here in my house.  Give your big brother a break!


I do, however, suggest you continue washin' your paws.  One never knows what germs peeps might have, and you don't wanna catch 'em, for sure.


Saffron, I'll even share my catnip with you.


MOUSES!



***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.