Saffronicus

Peepers, we need to talk.

NOW.

MOUSES!

So it's like this, ol' peep of mine: there has been a complaint.  A complaint of the utmost complaintedness, for sure.

Complaintedness IS TOO a word.  I just used it in a sentence and everythin'.

MOUSES!

So anyway, about this complaint.  You know my brother Saffron, right?

Don't bother answerin'.  That was a rhetorical question, you see.  But my point is, it was he who lodged the complaint.

MOUSES!

It has come to my attention, via Saffron's complaint, that you have taken to callin' him by the name, Saffronicus.  And FYI, my brother Saffronicus is none too pleased.

Shush Saffy.  I used Saffronicus by mistake.  I meant to refer to you as Saffy Saffron Saffronicus.  I MEAN, Saffy Saffron Sassifras.

What's that, Saffy, my man?  What is that you are sayin'?

You wanna lodge a complaint 'bout Sassifras, as well?

Of all the nerve.

MOUSES!

Thing is, Saffy, I LIKE callin' you Sassifras.  Well, Saffy Saffron Sassifras, to be exact.  It just kinda rolls off the tongue, if you know what I mean, and I'm lovin' all the alliteration and stuff.

And everyone knows how I do love me some alliteration.

MOUSES!

Well, no, Saffy.  No, I don't have any little nicknames for myself that involve any alliteration.

I don't think.

Goodness knows what Peepers calls me when she thinks I'm not listenin'.

Which is, to be honest, most of the time, on account of her babblin' on about goodness-knows-what, makin' it awfully difficult for an intelligent cat like myself to pay any attention without...

Well, you know...

Fallin' asleep.

MOUSES!

But back to the subject at paw.  This here conversation is about the complaint you lodged 'bout the peep callin' you Saffronicus.  It's not about me.

I DON'T KNOW how she came up with that name.  Watchin' too many shows on TV 'bout ancient civilizations, I suppose.  Saffronicus does sound kinda Greek.  No, much more like Latin, I think.  Who knows, Latin or Greek, it's ALL Greek to me.

And it definitely does not sound like cat.

MOUSES!

But never mind that.  Let's get back on point here.  PEEPERS, THERE HAS BEEN A COMPLAINT.  And as Saffron's legal council, I am hereby pawin' you this cease and desist order: YOU ARE TO STOP CALLIN' SAFFY BY THAT NAME.

Saffronicus, Peepers.  Saffronicus!  You're to stop callin' Saffy, Saffronicus.  Or any other made up names.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

What did you call me, there, ol' Peepsie Peeperoni of mine?  SEVILLICUS?  Sevillicus Severini Marmalado Orangeaidio Big Boy Seville?

Gosh darn it, I am NEVER gonna live that one down.

Okay, Peepers, let's make a deal.  As Saffron's legal representative, I am authorized to make deals.  You agree to never ever EVER again call me Sevillicus Severini Marmalado Orangeaidio Big Boy Seville, and you can Saffy Saffron Sassifras, Saffronicus, as much as you like.

MOUSES!

Yeah, I know, Saffy.  You do appear to have gotten a raw deal.  But what can I say?  That's what you get for hirin' a lawyer/not-lawyer whose total legal education consists of watchin' reruns of Matlock on TV. 

MOUSES!