doin' his business

Saffron can't sit on the chesterfield with you right now, Peepers.  He's busy.  Outside.  He's uh...  He's doin' his business.

MOUSES!

Well how am I supposed to know what kinda business he's doin'?  It's not like I'm out there watchin' him or anythin' like that.  

MOUSES!

'Cause my bein' out there watchin' him doin' his business would be RUDE, Peepers.  That's why.

MOUSES!

Lookie here, Peepers.  When Saffy Saffron Sassifras goes outside to do his business, he could be doin' any number of things.  He could be doin' number one, number two, or...  Or he could be conductin' a conference call or somethin' like that.  He could be wheelin' and dealin' with Google or the Canadian Government or - God forbid - the infamous Weasel Syndicate.

You know, that sorta thing.

MOUSES!

I TOLD YOU, I don't watch my brother while he does his business.  If he's doin' numbers one or two, I don't wanna see that.  I'm not like you perverted peeps who watch over us cats at the litter box, ready to swoop in with the scoop and do goodness-knows-what with our poopies.  I, Seville the Cat, find that really, really weird.

And FYI, so all the other cats in the world.

I took a poll, so I know.

MOUSES!

And what's more...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

I DID SO take a poll.  Took it on the Internet, I did.  On social media.  And cats from all 'round the world voted.  They OVERWHELMINGLY voted that peeps mysteriously disappearin' what we cats leave in our litter boxes is weird.  WEIRD, I tell you.  Weird!

Did I mention it was weird?

MOUSES!

And speakin' of polls...

And speakin' of polls, the takin' of said polls on social media is another form of us cats doin' our business.

WELL I NEVER SAID it was a money-makin' kinda business, now, did I.  Turns out, peeps won't pay us cats for our opinions on the weirdness of other peeps wieldin' litter box scoops.

Believe me, I know.

I tried to charge for the information but no one paid.

MOUSES!

And furthermore...

And furthermore, Peepers, when all the cats in the world took my poll 'bout you peeps and your fascination with our litter boxes...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

It was a legitimate poll, Peepers.

Was too.

Was too!

I HAVE NO IDEA what all the cats' names were.  It was what we in-the-know call an ANONYMOUS poll.  You know what anonymous means, Peepers?  It means, they didn't give me their names.

Well they were probably afraid that if their peeps found out how weird they were for bein' fascinated with us cats doin' our business, their peeps might become even more fascinated with litter box deposits, and...

Yeah, I know.  I know...  It would be pretty hard for peeps to be even more fascinated with what we cats do in our litter boxes than they already are.  But then...

But then...

But the thing is, you see...

Peeps ARE weird.

Believe me, I know.

Gotta a couple weird ones, myself.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!