She never learns. Nope, she never, ever learns.
Never in a million years will she learn, I bet.
What am I sayin'? Of course Peepers won't learn in a million years. My gosh, the woman must be several million years old by now. At least! I mean, she's as old as the hills, right? And most hills are more than a few million years old. There's no chance she'll learn better in nothin' but a measly million years.
What's that? What's that, Peepers? What's that you're babblin' on about now?
YOU ARE TOO as old as the hills. I've said so many a time here on my blog, and no one has ever - NOT EVER - fact-checked me, sayin' otherwise.
So anyway, yesterday was a beautiful spring day. The sun was shinin' and the temperature was warm. Double digits, in fact. Yesterday was really and truly THE BEST day so far of 2022.
Saffy and I spent the day loungin' in the sun, inhalin' the sweet earthy scents of newly worked soil, listenin' to birdies chirpin', and breathin' in fresh air carried by gentle breezes. At one point I even thought I smelled flowers. Might have, actually, 'cause the daphnes are bloomin'. On the other paw, it might have been Peepers' perfume.
The nerve of that peep.
But anyway, you're probably wonderin' what it is Peepers hasn't yet and probably never will learn.
Well every year 'bout this time, 'bout the time we have the first really nice spring day, Peepers heads on out into the garden and decides to get as much gardenin' done as a gardenin' peep can get done. But she never prepares. She never thinks things through. She never does anythin' to prevent herself from lookin' like the walkin' dead - aka zombie gardener - the very next day.
Does Peepers stretch before headin' into the garden for the very first time? Of course not. I, Seville the Cat, have been known to do preparatory stretches prior to stretchin'! I'm a very smart kitty, you see.
And does Peepers try to work her way up to her first full day of gardenin' for the year? Of course not. I, Seville the Cat, work my way up to full garden inspections every spring. I inspect the garden for ten minutes one day, then twenty the next, then a full hour the followin'. Never, ever, ever have I gone from zero to twelve in one day. 'Cause I'm a very smart kitty, you see.
And does Peepers put on her sunscreen the first full day out so as not to end up with cheeks that are a little too rosy? Of course not. Oh sure, she may have doused herself in perfume, but the sunscreen she apparently forgot. I, Seville the Cat...
Okay, so I don't wear sunscreen, BUT I DID roll in some catnip prior to spendin' the day sunbathin' and that's a pretty close equivalent, I am sure. Like I said earlier, I'm a very smart kitty, you see.
The bottom line is, Peepers is walkin' around the house today like a zombie, my friends. And when she bends down to serve us - puttin' down plates of food, extra treats, bowls of water, that sorta thing - she makes funny noises. Kinda like a not-so-well oiled rusty and squeaky tool. It's ridiculous, for sure, and quite annoying to my ears.
I know, I know... I know what you're thinkin'. You're wonderin' what Saffy and I are doin' to make our rusty, zombie garden tool - aka Peepers - feel better.
NOTHIN'. ABSOLUTELY BLOOMIN' NOTHIN'. NOTHIN' AT ALL, FOR SURE.
And do you know why Saffy and I aren't liftin' a paw to aid that ol' gardenin' zombie peep of ours?
'CAUSE SHE SHOULD KNOW BETTER BY NOW, THAT'S WHY.
I mean, every year it's the same thing. Every single year. Every year she goes out and does the very same thing, and every year I have to put up with her cries of pain and agony as she reaches for somethin' or whatever; not to mention the doleful looks I get when I ask her to get up off her lazy zombie tail and get me more treats. EVERY YEAR!
I'm tellin' ya, it's more than a kitty can bear.
Remember to mask up, too.