It's not fair, I tell you. It's not fair!
PEEPERS! IT ISN'T FAIR!!!
I'm tellin' ya, it's simply not fair.
*sighs again, this time louder*
Peepers, it's like this. Yesterday...
I think it was yesterday, but on the other paw, it could have been the day before. On the OTHER paw - after all, I do have four paws - it could have been both yesterday and the day before. Or...
Yeah, yeah... I'm gettin' to my point. Hold on to your horses there, Peepers.
So it's like this. One day in the recent past...
Yeah, that sounds good.
One day in recent past, Rushy came after me like a bat out of double hockey sticks, and...
To tell you the truth, my bats out of h e double hockey sticks comment did sound better in my head before I actually said it out loud.
But anyway, the other day, Rushy came after me out on the deck, and he cornered me over there in that corner. See the corner over there? You know, that corner. That corner out on the deck. And then...
Well that's when you intervened, Peepers. And by the way, thanks for doin' that. I appreciate it a lot.
But back to this business that isn't fair.
The thing is...
The thing is, I can't fight back. Rushy KNOWS he has an advantage. He knows he has an advantage and he takes full advantage of it, too.
I'M GETTIN' TO THAT!
For mousin' out loud, woman. Have some patience.
The thing is, Rushy knows that I know that if he takes a swipe at me, it's gonna hurt. Been there; done that; all I need now is the t-shirt.
But Rushy also knows that I know that if I take a swipe at him, all I get is a paw full of fur. You know, on account of that freakishly thick coat of his. He doesn't feel my swiping at him one bit!
Seriously, it's like he's wearin' a built-in straight jacket or somethin', and...
What's that, Peepers? What did you say?
No... No. Nope, straight jacket is what I meant to say, for sure.
If the paw fits....
So the thing is, due to my luxurious but PERFECTLY NORMAL thickness of fur, I'm at an unfair advantage when it comes to that Rushy, so I was thinkin'...
I was thinkin'....
Peepers, I was thinkin', how do you feel 'bout shavin' off all of Rushy's fur?
Gosh darn it, IT JUST ISN'T FAIR.