Sunday 3 February 2019

PURRsonal hygiene

When it comes to personal hygiene, I've got this stuff down pat.

Hmmm...  Scratch that.

When it comes to PURRsonal hygiene, I've got this stuff down pat.

And why is that?

Because I am a cat.

MOUSES!

Heeheeheeheehee...  Apparently I'm also a poet, although honestly, I didn't even know it.

Actually, I kinda did.

MOUSES!

But back to this stuff about hygiene.

The other day I was up on the bathroom vanity knockin' stuff down - you know, just for the fun of it -  when I came across some really stinky stuff.

FYI, if you knock an open jar of stinky stuff down, you end up with a really stinky floor.

MOUSES!

So anyway, the next thing I knew, there was white coloured goo all over the bathroom floor.  It was everywhere.  And when I say everywhere, I LITERALLY MEAN, EVERYWHERE.

MOUSES!

Well the peep, bein' a peep, discovered the mess and cried, "Seville!  What have you done?"

I, of course, nonchalantly looked about the room.  I looked up at the ceiling, then down at the floor.  Then back up at the ceiling once more.  After my mandatory two minutes of ignoring the peep, I asked, "You were sayin'?"

Well by that time the peep was moppin' up the floor with a rag.  Or maybe it was a face cloth.  Same thing, really.  Whatever.

I mean...

I mean, if the peep were a cat like me, she wouldn't be needing stinky ol' jars of flower-smellin' cream.  She wouldn't be needin' face cloths, either.  'Cause as a cat, I use spit on my very own tongue, and by golly gosh, I get the job done.

MOUSES!

But the peep...

Well...

You know...

When it comes right down to it, she's really just a peep.

MOUSES!

And oh my mouses, YOU SHOULD SEE the stack of rose this, and jasmine that, and citrus - EWWW... - whatchamacallits she has.  She has more STUFF than Imelda Marcos has shoes.  She has more STUFF than a centipede has feet.  She has more STUFF than a...  Well actually, a centipede does have a whole lot of feet, so maybe...  Nah, she has more stuff than a cat like me can count on my four feet.  I mean, paws.  Whatever.

HOWEVER, she does NOT have more STUFF than a cat like me can knock down.

True fact.

MOUSES!

As for me?  Do I have creams and lotions and soaps and things comin' out of my ears?  No sirree.  Like I said before, just spit is all I need.  Spit.  PLAIN OL' SPIT.  Just...  Spit.

And that reminds me.  Do any of you cats out there know what happens when one attempts to apply said spit to a peep's face?  Any of you have experience with that?  'Cause I've tried it and... Uh..

Well...

Well let me just say, the peep's reaction was not the reaction I had anticipated.  There were no thank-yous involved.  Not an ounce of gratitude at all.  In fact...

In fact, what I have discovered is, such acts of kindness on my part cause peeps to use even MORE of their stinky ol' stupid bathroom stuff.

Not to mention a whole lot of HBO words.

Although not nearly as many as when they find you knockin' their stinky jars and bottles of floral stinky stuff down.

Did I say spit?  I might have meant drool.  

MOUSES!


14 comments:

  1. Hee! Hee! Seville, you make me laugh! What I don't understand is WHY humans have to put all that stuff on the counter in the bathroom? I mean, I go into my human brother's bathroom and there is NO ROOM for a cat on the counter! There are bottles and jars and razors and spray cans! Now my Mom's bathroom is great! Queen Penelope trained her so that all that is there is a twirrly thing that has suction feet and can't be knocked that has her face stuff in it and her tooth brush holder. Everything else is in the "Don't you dare!" cupboard!
    You gotta love Queen Penelope!
    Purrs
    Marv

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  2. Human bathing rituals sure are strange, aren't they?

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  3. Random messes happen here too Seville and we never know who does it!

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  4. Severs, I think peeps should be furrever grateful when we get spit ... er ... drool on them, 'cause it's all natural and pure, unlike all that manufactured stuffs they put on their skin hoping to make themselves look more youthful like us pussycats. Winks.

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  5. The peeps get funny about their stuff,xx Speedy

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  6. HBO? Is that a TV Channel? If it is sounds like you need to be tuning away from that–maybe tune into the home shopping channel instead and then the peep can be getting more smelly things for you to... er... relocate?
    Toodle pips and purrs
    ERin

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  7. Such a sage kitty you are Seville. My two girls like to knock my Cologne and shaving cream off the counter, then proceed to chase said items around.
    As for their wanting to wash my face! No worries.

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  8. You can't beat good old fashioned spit, right Seville?

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  9. Oh Seville knocking over peeps creams and perfumes best she wasn't too pleased.
    Maybe she should get a cabinet to put them in but then what fun could you find? Mmmm as for trying to help her clean her face I would honestly give up on that. You know peeps are no way as clever as us Felines. x😻💜🐾 Spike The Scottish Black Cat.

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  10. Hey, we think the same thing! Why all the stupid, stinky bathroom stuff when we all would prefer Mom smelled like a cat. We help her sometimes but somehow, she misses the point and washes our spit off. Why, oh why?

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  11. Seville, we play with Manny by throwing soft toys up to him when he's on the catwalk, just so he can knock 'em down again!

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  12. Yeah, we humans are woefully deficient in grooming effiency. But we do have the ability to open cans. So we have that going for us.

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  13. You are doing the peep a favor. She doesn't need all that stinky stuff :)

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  14. Purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr
    🐈Davey d the kitten

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I love hearin' from my pals. I really, REALLY do. PURRS.