"Hey Peepers!" I cried. "What's keepin' ya? Why aren't you ready yet? COME ON... We've gotta get a move on. We've gotta go, and WE'VE GOTTA GO, NOW. We've gotta get to the nip store before they run out of the nip. I'm bettin' the line-ups are gonna be like crazy-whackadoodle, wouldn't-wanna-be-a-poodle, for sure. MOUSES!"
I looked at my watch.
Scratch that. I WOULD have looked at my watch had I been wearin' one, but as a cat, I've never worn a watch in my life. So I looked up at the clock on the wall, instead.
"PEEPERS! COME ON!!! We've gotta get to the nip store, NOW. MOUSES!"
I sat back on my haunches to wait, impatiently tappin' a paw on the floor. Boy-oh-boy, that ol' peep of mine sure does take a long time to get herself ready. MOUSES!
FINALLY, the peep appeared. "You goin' out dressed like THAT?" I asked her.
She gave me one of her looks.
"Suit yourself, Peepers, but that's not a look I'D appear in, out in public. In fact, I'm thinkin' a cat like me might be embarrassed just bein' seen in public with someone lookin' like that. Hmmm... You think I could borrow a disguise or somethin'? You know, so the other cats won't recognise me while we're standin' together in line. You got any cat-sized dark glasses and fake whiskers on paw?"
And then ANOTHER look from the peep was directed my way.
"FINE. But don't blame me if I tell people you're not with me. In fact... You know, if I had a t-shirt or somethin' to wear, I could write NOT WITH HER on my back. You think you might have a t-shirt for me, as well as those dark glasses and fake whiskers I asked for earlier, and..."
This time, the peep's look was accompanied with a hands-on-the-hips kinda stance. MOUSES!
"FINE! But the least you can do is comb that hair of yours," I told her. "That is, IF you can get a comb through that tangled, moused-up mess. You look like you just woke up or somethin' after a late night at the nippin', and..."
"You DID? You really did just wake up? Just right now? Right before you came downstairs? MOUSES! Do you not know what today is, Peepers? Do you not know that today is the first day of there bein' legalised nip here in Canada? Do you not realise that today is the first day we can go to the nip store and buy legal nip? Do you not realise there will be line-ups from here to goodness-knows-where, and that's why we need to go, RIGHT NOW, and get into those line-ups as early as possible? You know, so that we can get into the store BEFORE they RUN OUT of the nip. MOUSES, WOMAN! Don't you know anythin' at all? Don't you..."
I stopped my tirade, rememberin' what the peep had said moments before. Or at least, what she had NOT DISAGREED with, when I said it.
"Wait a minute there, Peepers..."
I thought 'bout the situation for a bit.
"Peepers, did you say, yes, when I asked you if you were up late last night, nippin'? When I asked if you were up into the wee hours of the mornin', gettin' nipped?"
Then I thought about the situation some more...
"AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO INVITE ME?"
And I thought about it even MORE...
"AND EXACTLY WHOSE NIP WERE YOU USIN' TO GET YOURSELF NIPPED? WAS IT MINE? WAS IT MY NIP IN WHICH YOU WERE IMBIBIN'? MOUSES, WOMAN! WHOSE NIP DID YOU STEAL?"
At that moment, my sister Mason walked into the room. Without sayin' a word, she plunked the mornin' paper down at my feet. I mean, paws. MOUSES!
I read the headline and the first few lines of the story above the fold.
"Ohhh.. OHHH... So you mean..."
"Well who the mouses cares 'bout legalised weeds?" I asked, indignantly. "I know I sure don't. I couldn't care less 'bout stuff like that. I mean, weeds are weeds. Weeds are the things you CHUCK OUT of the garden while tendin' the good stuff. The GOOD stuff like my CATNIP crop. I couldn't give a rat's pattootie 'bout this here cannabis junk. Give me my catnip, and a bit of the valerian, and I'm as happy as a clam covered in a creamy nip sauce, but weeds? MOUSES!"
The peep let out a loud sigh.
"Pfft. And peeps are gonna be standin' in line for... WEEDS? For mousin' out loud. Do peeps not have ANYTHIN' better to do?"
I looked up at the peep.
"Seriously, Peepers. Don't you have anythin' better to do than standin' there, lookin' like that? I mean, SERIOUSLY. Even combin' out that hair of yours would be SOMETHIN' for you to do that would make better use of your time. MOUSES!"
Again, the peep sighed.
Or maybe it was more of a yawn...
"Well, now that we've decided it's not legalised catnip they're sellin' at the human nip store, we don't have to go out after all. BUT SINCE YOU'RE ALREADY UP... How would you like to fix me my breakkies or somethin' like that? Maybe served with some freshly-squeezed catnip juice, or..."
And with that, the peep spun on her heels before headin' back up to bed.
"Of all the nerve!" I cried, still standin' in the middle of the kitchen floor. "Maybe it is only five in the mornin', but SHE WAS ALREADY UP. She could have made me breakfast before goin' back to bed. Or AT LEAST served up a snack. Or..."
I heard the bedroom door slam from upstairs, and looked over at my sister. "I'm tellin' ya, Mason, we live with THE RUDEST PEEP in the world. I'm not sure if you noticed, or anythin', but she didn't even say good mornin', earlier, when she came downstairs. Rude as all get out. MOUSES!"